Remove the Hair from My Eyes....

'Wherefore having already begun and set out in the way of virtue, let
us strive the more that we may attain those things that are before.
And let no one turn to the things behind, like Lot's wife, all the
more so that the Lord hath said, "No man, having put his hand to the
plough, and turning back, is fit for the kingdom of heavens." And
this turning back is nought else but to feel regret, and to be once
more worldly-minded. (Saint Athanasius: 'Life of St. Anthony')

"...Escape for thy life; look not behind thee, neither stay thou in
all the plain; escape to the mountain, lest thou be consumed"
(Genesis 19:17)—----




LONG CURLY BLACK HAIR/ DONT LOOK BACK (BABY GIRL)---------(the last thoughts of Lot's Wife)-

My black curls billow in the tumult;
...I have to keep pulling the hair from my face
tempestuous winds sent from the hand of God
and fire
and brimstone (so says my husband)
finishing another chapter on the sacred scrolls
for humanity plagued
unaffected by the fatal flood waters
so authoritative so melancholy


I feel...
sometimes I feel my hair is a metaphor
for the frustration
for the heroine inside of me
...the little girl held high in her mother's arms
....reaching for the sky, (the dazzling sun, the puffy clouds)
wishing one day she could really fly
giddy and laughing
full of joy and dreams and
hope

Yet when I got older
they stopped lifting me in the air
I
was told to put my plans behind me
big girls dont get spun around
it is improprietous

Both mom and dad
(and society)
trying to obviate any risk of injury for me
took away my freedom...
no make-up, no communing with boys
no staying out late with the flock alone
the plush green pastures, the full moon so glamorous
(but the shepherds could do it)

The sheep were so cute
The sheep were so cute
.....(sob) they wouldnt even let me
pet them sometimes

Like a scroll the chapters in my life are always finished
on my behalf
Before I am satisfied, another scribe takes from me the pen
and rolls it up
it really kills me
inside

And now even my own hair
tries to act as administrator
in their stead....preventing my eyes the freedom
to look behind me
ahead of me

My husband's hand preventing me the freedom
to walk on my own
Lot, I just want to walk on my own
Enjoy life...on my own..make decisions...
on my own..

In the midst of the destruction behind
lies my heart and my hopes and my dreams
not a town frayed and battered by flames,

but a little girl wanting to look

JUST TO look

(to do something on her own)


to remove the hair from her eyes