Dedicated to what can never be. What can never, ever....be. A while ago I swear I saw the most beguiling, beautiful woman only to find out she was already hitched. I met her recently, and upon staring into her eyes immediate awareness came to me that she was the one that got away...that in some parallel universe - she is my soul mate. But for now I only have cursed realities of rejection from countless women who could never measure up to her..."P" I love you....from the other side....
--------------/"*P*m*"; Scorned to Shame A Soul Scarred
"P,"
When I first met you I was tall handsome and King over Israel
a man ruddy and carefree spellbinding before the land of
my confidence, hope, belief in future marriage everlasting reigning
revered my exuberance and swagger a strong tower of defense
...stalwart...
and fearless (brimming with optimism: sunny disposition basking in
epic romanticism and tales thereof) in battle against adverse thoughts
of rejection from girls and concomitant sullenness.
But in the field of my daily battles fending off petulant and often
quarrelsome emotions when I saw your green eyes I hasted
rather than waiting for a peace offering of platonic accord
amity with aplomb,
I lost my head before the Philistines of physical attraction slew a burnt offering of lust, love, and luscious passion. (I fell in love with you)
My conscience Samuel condemned me upon hearing news of your husband
I betrayed the divine more of cool indifference I panicked
I forfeited my crown, my right to rule. David is the only pleasant memory
of you afforded me by my anguished psyche, in his absence
only the howling terror of the specter of adultery, the blaring
war horns of an incensed surly spouse scowling, hunting. My soul cowers
in the corner of dread, my ambition for any other relationships slouch shortened in stature shivering and gaunt.
I wont let myself stand
I wont let myself feel emotion for another
I wont forgive myself
Let David, I pray, stand before
me; for he has found favor in my sight. Harmonies from the harp
heroic happiness of the first day we met before innocence lost
soothe and refresh me intermittently - it is only when I pretend
you were never married, and that I met you single that this
evil spirit of censure departs
----1 Samuel 16:1; 21-23
And the Lord said unto Samuel, How long wilt thou mourn for Saul, seeing I have rejected him from reigning over Israel? fill thine horn with oil, and go, I will send thee to Jesse the Beth–lehemite: for I have provided me a king among his sons....And David came to Saul, and stood before him: and he loved him greatly; and he became his armourbearer. And Saul sent to Jesse, saying, Let David, I pray thee, stand before me; for he hath found favour in my sight. And it came to pass, when the evil spirit from God was upon Saul, that David took an harp, and played with his hand: so Saul was refreshed, and was well, and the evil spirit departed from him.
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