*dedicated to this girl I know, an integral part of the collective identity of a certain group Im in, whose voice literally soothes my soul. Oh! to think if other people in the group knew I melt interiorly when she's around! I mean, so many men like this Feminine Perfection that it would outright scandalize the group! Would I eat the sop of my indulgent passions...would I betray her identity as my "friend" and reveal that she is my crush to the twitter and blogger world...thus throwing our group - call it the 12 disciples - and the world writ large into a frenzy? OH! TO THINK!!! I mean, if the world gained full knowledge that thejesusmetaphor was in luv....IT MIGHT CRUCIFY THIS GIRL'S ANONYMITY!!! (scandal! scandal! scandal!!!) I'll call her Girl X
-----------/The Sop - Judas' Thoughts Before Betraying The Christ (My Thoughts Before Outing The Girl I Digz - Ya Dig?)
Relationship
Words were never spoken between us we barely look
at each other (to quell shared romantic fervor)
but when we do we whisper with our eyes
a nuanced dialect of lust love and interracial intrigue
the chatter boisterous of the men (in our group (some that like you too))
around us powerless
too faint to muffle the synchronized syncopated beating of our hearts
we both intuit right now
across the table of fate from each other drinking from the same cup
the wine of passion we feel.
You know how I feel about you and you know I know ditto
The bread of fear of rejection dipped so as to offset its dull taste
sop dripping with wine transubstantiates
(gladly I take your body, your spirit into me)
sweetness of the unknown mingled food impervious to fear
optimistic hymns lyrics of stasis sung yet we both know
something has to happen, disorder approaches inexorably
the man on your bosom detestable to me we both know
I will leave before I acquiesce to you marrying someone else
the sun of familiarity sets, the moon of reconstitution rises
I will tell the Pharisees of public opinion
I will tell the Sadducees of gossipers
my true feelings for you though I know it wont end well
most likely
to them the news of my affection for you is
thirty pieces of silver the price of my dignity, to me
its the cost of my desperation
When you offer me the sop, to eat from your hands
(your trust in me to maintain secrecy to give you more
time, more anonymity)
know that your intentions to save this world
(of safe relations and group unity) I spurn
your friendship and group synergy is not my interest
it is your love I want ******** even if it means
betrayal
....and crucifixion of the way things are now
--------/
John 13:26-32
Jesus answered, He it is, to whom I shall give a sop, when I have dipped it. And when he had dipped the sop, he gave it to Judas Iscariot, the son of Simon. And after the sop Satan entered into him. Then said Jesus unto him, That thou doest, do quickly. Now no man at the table knew for what intent he spake this unto him. For some of them thought, because Judas had the bag, that Jesus had said unto him, Buy those things that we have need of against the feast; or, that he should give something to the poor. He then having received the sop went immediately out: and it was night. Therefore, when he was gone out, Jesus said, Now is the Son of man glorified, and God is glorified in him.
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