Sanctimonious Sepulcher for the Skeptic

---------------------/(Field of Blood) Sanctimonious Sepulcher for the Skeptic - Judas' Last Words.

The (winter) wind
blows memories in my face, more morose than merry
more maddening and malefic than mellifluous
moribund
cold cruel chill chasing me crucible of criticism causing chattering clanking
teeth arms clinching a conniving chest cantankerously convincing me:
a cursed, crass man to
cede control
fretful fingers fixating on and feeling this fussy fatal tree
gently coaxing me to come close and canvass it caress it
for comfort
then abrasively hurling epithets abominable things acrid, atrocious things
barbaric belligerent bark bellowing
"climb to the top"
"hurl yourself down halt this haranguing and harassment"
hallowed habitat a place to harbor the hassled
and now everything is hazy, hedging my bets on healing
from this haunting world, no longer hunted
where the hawks wont circle above me anymore
help
thirty pieces of silver
a noble intention to affect the Savior, the champion of the Jews
honor the kingship of David, wrathful warrior king waylaying wickedness
constrain him with torches, swords, and rueful rhetoric
from feeble men
so he would assuredly obliterate outlaw offend
the onerous
Pharisees and Sadducees he so loathed
and I was to be the catalyst for change no charlatan
no clumsy crazy accessory to murder publicly caricatured...
I hated his lack of haste, his unwarranted sense of always being
unburdened.
the people want freedom from unmitigated oppression from these damned
Romans. To hell with these exorbitant taxes....now...not in some distant
metaphysical future
but now the sun is the moon and the day night
greetings from children on the street, howls like the sound of wolves
Jesus is dead, and the earth shakes, the earth wont stop shaking
the earth wont stop shaking
and Ive never felt so lonely so guilty
this is the curse of Cain with no mark, exacerbating all my insecurities
I am the lust of every wild animal's appetite aggressively assiduously
circling
I remember my mom holding me the day of my birth
sullen. her sunken eyes scrawling "stupid son, unwanted" on my soul
I remember asking my dad if he wanted to play with me, then
summarily spurned, sauntering off with some of his friends instead
I remember smacking a boy for snickering at me in school,
a retaliation of sorts spitting in his face standing above him
skeptical of everyone and everything searching everyone with searing eyes
...I guess the truth is
Ive always hated the notion of "Salvation" and all those who support
salvage or try to sell it to the masses
because Ive always hated myself
and God for it





--------------Acts 1:17-20
For he was numbered with us, and had obtained part of this ministry. Now this man purchased a field with the reward of iniquity; and falling headlong, he burst asunder in the midst, and all his bowels gushed out. And it was known unto all the dwellers at Jerusalem; insomuch as that field is called in their proper tongue, Aceldama, that is to say, The field of blood. For it is written in the book of Psalms, Let his habitation be desolate, and let no man dwell therein: and his bishoprick let another take.