Five Years Going On Five Seconds, Jennifer D.

* dedicated to Jennifer D.

Its been five years, Jennifer, yet it only seems like yesterday that I professed my affinity for you (in a long email) causing you subsequently to run away. When I saw you today, gorgeous in red, it felt like 2007 all over again; I was bedazzled and beguiled like it was 2007 all over again. Nothing has changed, when we met eyes around 1:30pm these five years apart from you experientially felt like a mere five seconds, during which time I have known no one and wanted no one else, all other talk to the contrary by me has  been delusion from a man ranting to assuage the pangs of your rejection. I know I should probably let bygones be bygones, but I still find the prospect of you and I together alluring….you are honestly one of the only women in this world for whom I would get on my hands and knees and beg for the redemption of romantic possibilities. Jennifer, I have it so bad for you, all these years Ive tried to gloss over and neglect my love for you, yet instead of withering and dying, my desire for you has only festered. I know this is all wrong, and I know youre wrong for me, and I for you (I guess)….but I cant help but look back and wonder. I want you so bad Jenn, I want you so bad….please Im begging….*sigh*

-----------------------/Forgive Me For Looking Back

Brimstone and fire have fallen on the life we left behind

you and your (then) boyfriend to Zoar, me to the oblivion of a lover rejected

living in denial lusting for what once was

(I haven’t even considered where I should next go)

I didn’t want to leave what we had in 2007 screaming dragged away

by an angel of mercy on poor bewildered hearts

was my passion perverse yearnings dissolute? All I wanted

was to stare into your green eyes forever before the altar first

next to you in bed subsequently thereafter. Jenn answer me

was my love for you Sodom

was my hope and expectation Gomorrah, craven tawdry lecherous men

trolling for a victim to rape and dismember

that the cities of my affection for you were thus incinerated, memories

of our emails, group lunches, your Christmas party at your house

dust and ash

relics and rubble of failure? The exemplification of peoples

forsaking God (of romance)

I am a ditzy wife then, a naively optimistic spouse

to your Lot of sensibility attempting to strong arm my acquiescence

to a friendship with no chance of a prolonged tongue kiss

as husband and wife

I would rather die, I would rather be

salt
inglorious forever, shamed 

(single forever)

-----------------Genesis 19:23-26

The sun was risen upon the earth when Lot entered into Zoar. Then the Lord rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the Lord out of heaven; And he overthrew those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and that which grew upon the ground. But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.