[The Setting: The House of Representatives chamber at the United States Capitol. The wooden seats, arranged in semi-circle fashion are all filled, with a menagerie of peoples; - Military brass, elected officials, invited guests of said officials, etc engage in idle chatter, courtesy and exchange pleasantries patiently, but eagerly await President Obama's message on matters of economy, healthcare and the world at large. The Tea Party is conspicuously effervescent on the heels of their dramatic victories in congress and the senate and are somewhat more confident and self assured than the rest of those gathered, the tones of their voices and their vigorous demeanor and sentiments rise above the crowd like an eagle ascending in the air. On the ground level of the chamber, blue carpeted walkways/aisles emblazoned with the signature White House insignia splinter the rows of chairs into triangular clusters. In the balcony, the seats are arranged more as a indistinct mass and the crowd behaves slightly less formally than those on the ground as they are not in direct view of the network TV cameras. At ground level in front of the rows of chairs the speaker's podium stands atop a separate two tiered seating section set against a backdrop of a large American flag, and buttressed on its bottom layer by a long wooden semi-octagonal desk from which sit the more prominent members of the convocation. Directly ahead of the flag sit the speaker of the house on the right of the podium and the vice president on the left. A vacant seat lay oddly next to the podium, seemingly affixed to it. Surveying the room, the walls on its perimeter are adorned with various portraits of historic world leaders. Vivid bright lights illuminate the room and all is hushed as the President's arrival is heralded by a designated announcer.]
[To loud applause Obama walks in the room followed by Tony Conti. Much ado is made in the media about the identity of Tony and his exact reason for accompanying the President to the podium. Bill O'Reilly and Russ Limbaugh jeer incredulously on Fox News. People shake Obama's hand, some gladly, some reluctantly but everyone uniformly rejects shaking Tony Conti's hand. Obama sits down while Tony takes to the podium.]
Tony Conti: Hear ye, Hear ye everybody!
[Muffled and then clamorous chatter can be heard in the chamber, as mass confusion begins to diffuse throughout the room]
Tony Conti: Man yall, I said HEAR YE! HEAR YE!
[The murmurings and chatter remain robust]
Tony Conti: Alright yall, don't make a brotha come down there and open a can of whoop a.....
[President Obama issues Tony a pointed glance of disapproval of his actions]
Tony Conti: .....ahem! Nevermind that, just listen up yall LISTEN UUUUPPPPPP!!!!!
[The crowd noise softens and eventually desists as everyone's curiosity intensifies about the message Tony has to proclaim]
Tony Conti: Alright yall, ALLLLRIIGGGHTT! Ya knooowww???!!!
[The crowd looks on, mystified]
Tony Conti: How yall folks doing tonaaaattee? Ha ha, I meant tonight, just with a ghetto slang of course!, ha ha!! yesh, yesh yesh yesh!!! ......okaaaayyy....no laughs. Okay yall, look, my man Obama got injured in a basketball game and the brotha needed some stitches alright? He was faking the funk....on a nasty North and South Korean dunk and some sucka fool sucka fouled that man! FLAGRANTLY, I MIGHT ADD!! Anyhoo I just figure I should protect and serve my commander in chief by coming up here in front of yall and delivering his message! uuhhh huhhhh, uhhhh huuuhhhhhh!
[Tony starts doing the dougie. The crowd becomes unsettled again with a mixture of jeering, laughs and bemoaning.]
Tony Conti: mann, hear ye, hear ye! Like I said, the man needs to save his lips for kissing Michelle! OOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo
[Tony begings to hum Lets Get It On by Marvin Gaye and winks at Michelle Obama, who looks surprised, embarrassed, humored and then jaundiced by Tony's innuendo about her love life with the president. She points at him in a gesture to make sure he stays on topic]
Tony Conti: okay, my bad girl....MY BAAAADDDDD!!!! Okay lets get down to the skinny! Get it Michelle, you know you is trying to make da kids skinny? Anyway....heres what I came to say!!! Listen up baby becuz....TEA PARTY, WE COMING FOR YOU 2012 BABY! OKAY????
[Congressman Joe Wilson stands]
Joe Wilson: YOU LIE!!!!!
[Tony and Obama look at each other and smirk]
Tony Conti: Nah bruh, Im telling the truth dawg!!! I got a message for all you Tea Party patriots!!!
[The members of the Tea Party in the audience stand up in an astonishing display of power and solidarity for one another]
Tony Conti (surprised and a bit nervous): WOOOAHH WOOOOOAHHH WOOOOAHHH folks! Now don't get all UFC on a brotha (Dana White where you at???), ha ha, I just wanted to tell you firstly, THAT SARAH PALIN IS SO HOT!!! (good googa mooga!) And Bristol aint too bad either.....but secondly, I want to mention to yall silly cats that yall need to read my blog mane. Its http://thejesusmetaphor.blogspot.com okay? I got a little poem written for yall folks about what I feel yall need to focus on! Yall needs to have a heart son, stop being so rule based and principal based and focus on the effects your policies have on working people! Yall needs to ask yall-selves WWSD, what would Santa do???? Be a little nicer to us people who need niceities!!!!
[An anonymous member of the Tea Party throws a tomato at Tony, and it splatters over the front of his shirt]
Tony Conti (incensed): W-WW—WHHAAAATTTTT????? Oh yall done started something now! Lets get him Obama!!!!
[Tony and President Obama get up and run towards the section of the chamber the Tea Party occupies while rolling up their sleeves. The Tea Party members charge towards Obama and Tony, some of them jumping over seats and pushing little old ladies. Vice President Biden grabs the microphone and pleads for orderly and respectful conduct. In the ensuing melee John Boehner gets out of his seat and runs manically towards Tony ready to show him who the real boss is.]
John Boehner (with a sinister gleam in his eye and deranged violent smile): Out of the way guys, let me at Tony Conti, I'll get that piece of chicken crap!!!!!!
READ MY NEXT POEM YALL!!!!! OOOO YEEEEAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
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