Mourning From A First Century Jewish Mother

Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more


---------------/The Dirge of An Unknown First Century Jewish Mother



In my dreams I backpedal away from death
filled with dread
though careful to watch him so I'd be aware of any wiles
that might find me unguarded
then I fall backwards from a cliff's ledge
helplessly vulnerable
hopeless
but when I'm jarred awake I wish I could return
because as I peer out the windows of my house
its raining blood
the clouds are black and morose
and the craven sun has fled the ghastly carnage
I'm all alone;
where I'm used to hearing crying
just troubling silence, and the steady patter of raindrops
I try to lay back down
and fall back asleep just to quell the chronic anguish
that scourges me
I turn my back to the crib
and use my fingers to scrawl "Reuben" and "Amos"
on the wall, sobbing and sanguine memories as my ink
pretending my husband is holding me in his arms
pretending he didn’t perish defending us
against Herod’s demons
I haven't washed my hair in months
unsure if I ever will again
as David, our King once said
"I eat ashes like bread and my tears are mixed
with my drink"
guilt overwhelms me for not doing enough
I would do anything just to breast feed again
and smell the grass with my babies in my lap
laughing as two lovebirds
wrestle


------------The Slaughter of the Innocents----------
(Matthew 2:16-18) When the Magi had gone, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream. Get up, he said, take the child and his mother and escape to Egypt. Stay there until I tell you, for Herod is going to search for the child to kill him. So he got up, took the child and his mother during the night and left for Egypt, where he stayed until the death of Herod. And so was fulfilled what the Lord had said through the prophet: "Out of Egypt I called my son." When Herod realised that he had been outwitted by the Magi, he was furious, and he gave orders to kill all the boys in Bethlehem and its vicinity who were two years old and under, in accordance with the time he had learned from the Magi. Then what was said through the prophet Jeremiah was fulfilled: "A voice is heard in Ramah, weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more."