(Joshua 10:1-4) Now Adoni-Zedek king of Jerusalem heard that Joshua had taken Ai and totally destroyed it, doing to Ai and its king as he had done to Jericho and its king, and that the people of Gibeon had made a treaty of peace with Israel and were living near them. He and his people were very much alarmed at this, because Gibeon was an important city, like one of the royal cities; it was larger than Ai, and all its men were good fighters. So Adoni-Zedek king of Jerusalem appealed to Hoham king of Hebron, Piram king of Jarmuth, Japhia king of Lachish and Debir king of Eglon. "Come up and help me attack Gibeon," he said, "because it has made peace with Joshua and the Israelites."
------------------------------------/Kourtney (and Tony) and Khloe Take Jerusalem ..(Kim, where you at?)
Kourtney and Khloe,
stay near me and don’t ever go
(I need you)
my love for you two is stronger than that estranged lupine king
of dissident hearsay
....marauding
colluding with fickle allies doggedly determined to plunder
and pillage my heart with hopelessness and despondency:
thoughts that no one will ever want me (Im repugnant)
thoughts that a Kardashian could never call me their dashing Hebrew warrior
paired with four of his most nefarious allies that assert:
the acrimonious insinuation that Im not wealthy enough (Hebron)
or strong enough to defend you (Jarmuth)
that Im a bad kisser which will cause antipathy between us (Lachish)
and am too boorish to possess the sensitivity needed for a woman (Eglon)
but I have latched on to blind optimism and reckless faith
like mighty Gibeon
(royal and populous, filled with men skilled in war)
that promises I can be the man you've waited for, the husband
that sweeps you off your feet in your dreams
and carries you down the aisle – into the most brilliant sunset
of wild fantasy
And together, our devotion to one another will be our fortified city
like legions of soldiers that arm themselves to dispel these insidious lies
with hooks, spears, sword and stones and slings
chasing away slander and spiteful plots.
we will take our stand for truth out in the public eye:
at the mouth of the cave of Makkedah
refuting their claims like a large rock rolled against their calumny
hugging each other and flirting in front of the E! cameras
longingly staring into each other's eyes
compelling the enemies of our affection to flee ashamed from the rear
but our zeal for each other will be too merciless to relent
and too vengeful
it will place its feet on their necks, drawing its sword
of lovers’ exacting revenge
before hanging them on five trees of righteous scorn
their macabre silhouettes
will serve notice to the future foes of our amorous unity
that our bonds cannot easily be broken
My oath to you will be to provide continuous protection
from the curse I shall henceforth call Adonai-Zedek
(doubting myself, doubting your attraction to me)
to never be overpowered by him or anyone like him
though assumption, complacency, or waning fervor
because I promise to always nurture you guys
always romance you
always bedazzle you with my manners and respect
we will inhabit the land that we never dreamed welcoming
and make Jerusalem the Kingdom of our wedded bliss
its former king killed
and the unpleasant memories of it
smitten with the edge of the sword, and set on fire.
(Girls, don't forget to bring Kim next time, we can make it A WEDDING FOR THREE!!! I LOVE YOU GIRLS, AND YOU BEST BET I AM DANG SHO' KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS THIS YEAR!!!!! Oooooo yeeeaaahhh!)
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(10:16-28) Now the five kings had fled and hidden in the cave at Makkedah. When Joshua was told that the five kings had been found hiding in the cave at Makkedah, he said, "Roll large rocks up to the mouth of the cave, and post some men there to guard it. But don't stop! Pursue your enemies, attack them from the rear and don't let them reach their cities, for the LORD your God has given them into your hand." So Joshua and the Israelites destroyed them completely—almost to a man—but the few who were left reached their fortified cities. The whole army then returned safely to Joshua in the camp at Makkedah, and no one uttered a word against the Israelites. Joshua said, "Open the mouth of the cave and bring those five kings out to me." So they brought the five kings out of the cave—the kings of Jerusalem, Hebron, Jarmuth, Lachish and Eglon. When they had brought these kings to Joshua, he summoned all the men of Israel and said to the army commanders who had come with him, "Come here and put your feet on the necks of these kings." So they came forward and placed their feet on their necks. Joshua said to them, "Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Be strong and courageous. This is what the LORD will do to all the enemies you are going to fight." Then Joshua struck and killed the kings and hung them on five trees, and they were left hanging on the trees until evening.
(Judges 1:1-8) Now after the death of Joshua it came to pass, that the children of Israel asked the LORD, saying, Who shall go up for us against the Canaanites first, to fight against them? And the LORD said, Judah shall go up: behold, I have delivered the land into his hand. And Judah said unto Simeon his brother, Come up with me into my lot, that we may fight against the Canaanites; and I likewise will go with thee into thy lot. So Simeon went with him. And Judah went up; and the LORD delivered the Canaanites and the Perizzites into their hand: and they slew of them in Bezek ten thousand men. And they found Adonibezek in Bezek: and they fought against him, and they slew the Canaanites and the Perizzites. But Adonibezek fled; and they pursued after him, and caught him, and cut off his thumbs and his great toes. And Adonibezek said, Threescore and ten kings, having their thumbs and their great toes cut off, gathered their meat under my table: as I have done, so God hath requited me. And they brought him to Jerusalem, and there he died. Now the children of Judah had fought against Jerusalem, and had taken it, and smitten it with the edge of the sword, and set the city on fire.
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