The Today Show w Tony Conti (and Lazarus) Pt 5!!!!!

[The setting: 10AM, Thursday. The studios of the Today Show, main interview stage. A medley of robust camera men ferrying large video cameras and all of their associated equipment, replete with long thick power cords trailing them that have caused quite a number of unsuspecting staff to stumble in the past, encircle the stage. Today’s feature segment spotlights an interview between Matt Lauer and two guests of the show: Tony Conti, who has visited the set numerous times and first time participant, Lazarus from the Bible. The three men sit on plush chestnut colored couches facing each other.  The streets of Times Square, and more specifically the revelers with greeting signs and boisterous chanting directly behind the couches, seen clearly through the immaculately polished glass window panes set a festive mood for the viewing audience at home watching on their TV sets.]

 [A Cameraman gestures to Matt using his fingers to indicate, in descending order, the seconds left until the show will be broadcast live. Lazarus, a bit fidgety, eagerly awaits his opportunity to share his story with the world]

 Matt: …..AAAAAANNNNNNNDDDD WE’RE BACK!!!! Good morning everyone. As promised before the break, I am accompanied live in the studio by Lazarus….no last name provided….a man, who by his own admission, and I would be remiss if I didn’t mention corroborated by Biblical accounts, was incredibly...and I might say indelibly...raised from the dead after being buried!  And, for some reason that lout Tony Conti is sitting before me as well. (Speaking under his breath): I certainly have an axe to grind with management on this one….I cant stand this jerk….I better be getting big bucks! if they want me back next year….

 Tony (straining to hear the garble of Matt’s words masked in soft tones): WHATS THAT MATT??!!! GOT SOMETHING TO SAY BI**H !!!???? YOU WANT A PIECE OF THIS???!!!

[Tony’s cursing is censored by an audible chime from the studio]

 Lazarus (looking at Tony uneasily): ……………

[Matt Lauer stands and begins to take off his jacket in preparation of lunging at Tony. Security from the show rushes in. The show promptly cuts to commercial as the director of the show issues both Tony and Matt a stern warning not to ruin the special segment with their divisiveness. Matt sits back down and puts his coat on and again waits for the cue from the camera man to begin the interview for the TV audience.]

 Matt: …….sorry ladies and gentlemen, forgive my guest Tony here for ruining the last segment.

[Tony swiftly stands up and reaches in his pocket to grab something to throw at Matt’s head]

 Today Show Director (off camera but still able to be heard on set and by the TV audience): NO!!! TONY NO!!!!!!

[Tony sits down and composes himself]

 Lazarus (a bit agitated): ….uhhh….can….can I speak now?

 Matt (blushing): sure….(chuckling nervously)….sure yes. (clearing his throat)…now tell us…..what did it feel like to be raised from the dead!!!??? (Matt raises his tone in excitement)

 Lazarus (beaming with joy): …..Oh Matt it was amazing. It honestly felt like a long sleep. All of a sudden Im walking out the tomb! Unbelievable. I remember being sick before but….

 Tony (interrupting): ….w…wa..wait.  Now wait a minute. I gotta call bull…excuse…me…I gotta call you out on that man. YOU WANT ME TO BELIEVE YOU WAS DEAD….AND NOW YOU ALIVE……ALL BY YOURSELF??? COME ON NAH……WHAT YOU WORK FOR ANTI-AGING COMPANIES OR SOMETHING???? YOU WORK FOR GARNIER??......NEGRO PLEASE!!!!

 Matt (incensed at the crass talk and fearful the interview might devolve): …I warn you Tony….now our viewing audience knows all about that beat down I gave you last time…..

 Tony (feeling threatened and provoked. With a churlish grin):…..what????

 Matt (deadpan): you heard me quite clearly

Tony: Don’t make me buss you upside yo head Matt….DONT MAKE ME BUSS YOU UPSIDE YO HED!!!!

 Matt (twitching and jittery): try me…..NIGGA IN PARIS!!!!

[Tony jumps on Matt which causes the two to fall backwards in the chair, knocking it to the ground. Security immediately separates the two whilst the show again cuts to commercial break. Matt swings at Tony but misses as security pulls them into opposite corners of the room. Security has been directed to hold Tony and Matt for the last few minutes of the segment. Cameras roll with Lazarus sitting alone]

Lazarus (looking directly at camera)…….Im sorry, audience, if I didn’t get to go into all the details of my testimony. But if I could distill my story down into one or two salient points… I would say – trust Jesus. He raised me from the bleakest and most dismal circumstances giving a real and tangible face to the resurrection of hopes and dreams. If you have anything youre struggling with….financial troubles….sickness…..lack of romantic vitality…..dont give up. Trust in Jesus. He can make dead dreams live again….wounds heal….He can make the impossible possible. Just believe. Just believe and get on your knees and seek Him. ….pausing. (John 11)

 Today Show Director: …AAAAANNNNDDD CUT!!!!

[Cameramen shuffle and focus on the anchor desk with Al Roker and Carson Daly]

 Al: …..wow! Powerful testimony and ….(laughing) awesome UFC style banter guys!!!.......