photo courtesy of http://www.marcadamus.com
[The setting: A canyon's ledge in New Mexico set against the evening sky, an alloy of magenta and orange hues. The winds are still and a smattering of stars begin to ignite their incandescent glow behind the scattered clouds. The ground at the canyon’s peak is a carpet of brown dirt overlaying scant patches of matted green grass, the result of the feet of many other reclusive visitors full of introspection and philosophical reflection. Seven angels stand beside one another uniformly suspended just about three feet opposite the ledge at eye level with Tony and Jesus and facing them. The angels express stoicism and do not twitch, or shift their position throughout the entirety of the dialogue. Tony and Jesus stand facing each other a few feet from the precipice, and approximately six feet from the row of angels].
Tony: Yo Gawd, peace son.
Jesus: Greetings. Peace
Tony: So yo Son, like, like, yo Son!
Jesus: ........
Tony: ….......(clearing his throat nervously) *ahem*......[in a whisper: tough crowd, tough crowd!] so yeah, you know what Im saying? Like, like, duuuude! You said in the Psalms and again in John that we are gods, you know what'm saaaaayying dawg?
Jesus: Yes, I recall, and youre point being.......?
Tony: right! So yeah, let me get to that SonSon! Like you know what I mean, word is bon, Son! So like, so like, so check dis, check dis! Like dude, from god to God – AWWWHHHHHHHH SHUCCKIITY SHUCKS, YOU LIKE DAT DON’T YOU SON?? IT GOT A NICE RING TO IT – LIKE A RADIO SPONSORSHIP COMMERCIAL FOR A COMPUTER TECH GUY IN HEAVEN – FROM GOD TO GOD, WE NEED A FEW COMPETENT IT PEOPLE!! AAWWWWHHHHHH!! YOU LIKE THAT YOU LIKE THAT!!!!!
[Tony starts dancing a jig, something between a dougie and a river dance. Jesus waits quite some time for Tony to stop his frenetic dancing and swaying]
Tony: (breathing heavily)….whooo! boy! That’s how we get down out here in NEW MEXICO BABY!!! WOOOOO!!! ......so where was I????
Jesus: From god to God
Tony: (with an expression of profound delight)….ooohhhh righhhhhhhhtttt! Good memory Son! I thought we was fittin to talk about the NFL lockout Son! By the way, when are the Redskins gonna win that Superbowl Son? Next year!!!>>
Jesus: ..............
Tony: Okay, okay Mr. I-must-be-about-my-Father's-business!
[Jesus snaps His fingers and morphs Tony into a snail]
Snail Tony: (slowly and with a painfully drawn out drawl) heeeeeeeyyyy.....maaaaaaaaaan.......I......di.......dn........me.....aaaaaa.....nnnn......th.......aaaaaa......aaaaa......ttttt........
[Jesus snaps His fingers again and restores Tony's humanity]
Tony: (frantically touching his shirt and forearms for slime)........dude! DUUUUUDDEEEE don’t DONNT EVEN PLAAAAAYYYY??? AAWWHHHHHHHH DUDE! I was thinking, man! Now its really going to be hard to find a HOT WIFE!!! But anyway, so yeah, what Ive been trying to say is….I want you to make me a god!
Jesus: In the sense of what? You are already a god
Tony: Well, like, like, You created the heavens and earth as God.....make me a creator too! I want to exercise my god-like powers and create like you created!
Jesus: What do you want to create? What do you have in mind?
Tony: I want to create worlds dog!
Jesus: Im afraid I cant….....
Tony: No, not like Mars son! Like Bruno Mars Son!...BEEEAAUUUTTIIFFUL GIRLS ALL OVER THE WORLD.....IM CHASING.....BUT THEY AINT GOT NOTHING ON YOOOOOOUUUUUUU
Coyotes in the near vicinity: WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Tony: (unaware of the coyote intervention).....BABY!! .....
[Jesus laughs]
Tony: Hey whats so funny???
Jesus: Continue my son
Tony: So yeah, like not like Bruno Mars, but like with my poetry. Bless me so that I can create worlds when I write. That's my open, public prayer to You, Son! Give me the gift of literary creation so that my words can be even more powerful!
Jesus: Consider it done. Your words will outpace and far exceed the steps of your enemies; don't fret about those who through jealousy want to destroy you, as I have been praying for your deliverance. Honor your influence, and give Me all Glory when all is said and done.
Tony: NO DIGGITY!!! NO DOUBT!!!
[Tony and Jesus shake hands]
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