Handmaid

* Dedicated to the Virgin Mary
*Dedicated to Escape the Fate, "Friends and Alibis"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9nWGlLwyA0
(click it, if you know whats good for ya!)

And I will put enmity between you and the woman.... Genesis 3:15

--------/Handmaid to Destiny/The Thoughts of Mary after Gabriel Left Her----------------


Let the Holy Spirit come upon me
Let Him transfix me
and the thread of my heart unravel across troubled emotions
and the mountains fall into the sea
and the earth's surface open wide and swallow
all of my preconditions, dreams and autonomy
....my people are held hostage, bound by sins of our fathers
murderers of prophets, architects of Baal, temples of Ashtaroth
the screams of children burned alive on altars cry out
adjuring me not to let their blood rest unavenged
the angels in heaven pray
Moses, Joshua and Hezekiah pray
please retaliate
please usher salvation into Jerusalem, please herald the coming
of the King to end all kings
eternal Kingship and peace on earth
lions and children playing in the grass together cloud
my visions and I cant eat regularly
because my marriage wont be the same, my mom wont
be a great grandmother
and I will never know quiet obscurity
but the world needs a Savior, we need liberation
(from Rome)
and the clouds wish to stop entertaining the moon
because the prophets foretell of a world with limitless sun
no death. enduring love. joy unbounded
so let history have its way with me
and destiny
let me be handmaid to the choosing of life
an incandescent future for all

(FIAT)


--------------------Luke 1:26-38---------------
And in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God unto a city of Galilee, named Nazareth, To a virgin espoused to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David; and the virgin's name was Mary. And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women. And when she saw him, she was troubled at his saying, and cast in her mind what manner of salutation this should be. And the angel said unto her, Fear not, Mary: for thou hast found favour with God. And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name JESUS. He shall be great, and shall be called the Son of the Highest: and the Lord God shall give unto him the throne of his father David: And he shall reign over the house of Jacob for ever; and of his kingdom there shall be no end. Then said Mary unto the angel, How shall this be, seeing I know not a man? And the angel answered and said unto her, The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee, and the power of the Highest shall overshadow thee: therefore also that holy thing which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God. And, behold, thy cousin Elisabeth, she hath also conceived a son in her old age: and this is the sixth month with her, who was called barren. For with God nothing shall be impossible. And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word. And the angel departed from her.

------Friends and Alibis Lyrics-------
Oh, I hate to be the one to bear the bad news
Yes, it is true
I finally fell in love
I fell so hard that I'm killing myself
Yes, I need out
Out of this grave that I've dug

And all the friends that I have gone through
And how much I deserve the pain
It's a shame

So hold your head
Hold it up high
Here's to the friends that were alibis
Keep this close by your side
When I come home we will have our night

Oh, they always told me I was gorgeous in a way
And that fateful day
I found who I was
So fill this hole with my prescriptions
I just keep feeding my addictions

And all the friends that I have gone through
And how much I deserve the pain
It's a shame

So hold your head
Hold it up high
Here's to the friends that were alibis
Keep this close by your side
When I come home we will have our night
We will have our night

You were the ones that stood by my side, whoa
And I was the one that fought all of your fights
Go!

(Hold your head, hold it up high) Whoa
(Keep this close by your side) Whoa

So hold your head
Hold it high
Here's to the friends that were alibis
Keep this close by your side
When I come home we will have our night

Hold your head
Hold it up high
Here's to the friends that were alibis
Keep this close by your side
When I come home we will have our night

Hold your head
Hold it up high
Here's to the friends that were alibis
Keep this close by your side
When I come home we will have our night
We will have our night

Mary In Better Times

Now yall know I converted to Catholicism right? As a corollary, I got a newfound relationship with my Heavenly Moms, right...wait...isn't she also my patron Saint? Yo, Mary – Mother of God, not Magdalene – what the dealie, homie? Pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death! Waz up, Waz up, WAAAAZ UUUUUUPPPP!!! Feel me? So you see, I want to write a poem dedicated to you and the writhing sufferance of the heart you experienced pulling your Son’s Lifeless (Cold), Tattered, Limp Body, a Body once so full of Life, Vitality and Truth, off the cross, assisted by Roman soldiers undoubtedly, and dragging it to Joseph of Arimathea’s tomb. That had to be the most acute pain, Im sure. Hurt you in the worst way! Simeon said a sword would pierce your heart, but he neglected to note this tragedy would impale your heart and make your soul numb… As a Mother, how did you withstand and prevail? I salute you and give you reverence. Pray for me, pray for this poem....Im sure Jesus would honor the prayers of His Dutiful, Tender Mother! HOLLLLAAAAAAAAAA....Lets get em!

The Last Night We Smile

*Dedicated to Escape the Fate, Cellar Door
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdxTA0GHV54
(click that link, son!)

Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother....John 19.25

-------[I KISS YOUR FACE ONE LAST TIME: Dragging Your Cold, Breathless, Battered, Body to Joseph of Arimathea's Tomb; The Thoughts Of Mary After Jesus' Crucifixion]


Youre gone now, the wind
keeps blowing my hair in my mouth
(dress billowing frenetically)
sobbing blurs my vision and my body
is spasmodic, and Im trembling because its freezing
chapped lips, frost-bitten toes from hours of
waiting…wailing, watching the sky turn black
listening to You scream, then stop breathing
and pleading with the sun to return
with warm salutations from my past life and
expectations of a Son holding me in his Strong Arms
during His coronation ceremony...salubrious visions of an angel
choirs of angels singing, three Magi with three gifts
exchanged for embraces
amidst a crackling fire, warm smiles and faint hums of animals
but now Your Eyes are listless, and I can tend to the blood
but I cant remove the scabs
I cant stitch the gashes, I cant mend the holes in your hands
cant stop my heart from throbbing and crying
Your Shoulders feel so cold, your Legs are turning blue
and Youre so heavy now
I cant lift Your Body by myself
You didn't tell Me this would feel so Empty
So wrong
Salvation is meaningless if its implemented without You
I would just as soon bless the fallen, fete the cursed
murder many innocent, rob Caesar, spit in the face of
Pharisees, kiss a leper....worship Poseidon
before the full moon rises above my head
flanked by dark clouds
and the temperatures continue to plunge
wolves howl, watching us with yellow conniving eyes
and we place You in someone else’s Tomb
(YOU PROMISED ME YOU WOULD NEVER DIE!)
and I walk home alone
without a Son to comfort me anymore
....[crying].....


I KISS YOUR COLD LIPS ONE LAST TIME


--------------Luke 2:25-35----------
Now there was a man in Jerusalem called Simeon, who was righteous and devout. He was waiting for the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was upon him. It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not die before he had seen the Lord's Christ. Moved by the Spirit, he went into the temple courts. When the parents brought in the child Jesus to do for him what the custom of the Law required, Simeon took him in his arms and praised God, saying:
"Sovereign Lord, as you have promised,
you now dismiss your servant in peace.
For my eyes have seen your salvation,
which you have prepared in the sight of all people,
a light for revelation to the Gentiles
and for glory to your people Israel."
The child's father and mother marveled at what was said about him. Then Simeon blessed them and said to Mary, his mother: "This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too."


-------Escape the Fate “Cellar Door” lyrics-----------
We walk through the doorway, heard you calling from the hall
To find you in the bedroom not breathing at all
I drag your body to the cellar where we lay, the wax it melts away,
I kiss your face...

Now we are starting to love you more
Your body's on the canvas I painted on the floor

Now you wait, like the drug, like the change in the pain it goes on for so long
And oh, how it hurts in the worst way, now that you're gone, it's so wrong, it's so wrong....

If I could take you somewhere, I'd take you to the darkest place,
scatter you in art forms, admire the whore
beauty in different ways, your hands on picture frames
your eyes in the glass wear your face as a mask

Now they are starting to love you more
a gallery of your beauty, no charge at the door

As you wait, like the drug, like the change in the pain it goes on for so long
And oh, how it hurts in the worst way, now that you're gone, it's so wrong, it's so wrong....

And down below your veins run dry your vacant eyes
I lost control your face is pale, your body's cold
And down below your veins run dry your vacant eyes
I lost control your face is pale, your body's cold

Wait, like the drug, like the change in the pain it goes on for so long
And oh, how it hurts in the worst way, now that you're gone, it's so wrong, it's so wrong...

Jennifer...I Cant Take In Oxygen Anymore (Without You)

Jennifer, I just cant seem to let you go. You are like an angelic vision enchanting me.....and scaring me; I cant sleep, Im stonewalled and troubled. When I first met you and I dared to fathom a future with us paired together.....doing romantic and mundane things.....HUUUH..HUHHH.....forgive me for my heavy breathing – Im short of breath when I muse on what could have been between us.....I held hands with hope and danced cheek to cheek with fulfillment of my fantasies. Jennifer....now that youre gone.....now that you’ve embraced another man.....I'm lovelorn and throwing pillows at my nightstand, dislodging the lampshade from my lamp....shattering the bulb. HUUUUH....HUUH.....because Im in the dark without you Jennifer, because Im losing my sanity and my grasp on what it means to be happy. Im a sad sack, Im a shell of a man perfunctorily passing through life.... These are my visions, Jennifer.....YOU tell me what they mean. I love you.....even though this love has proven to be ill-fated....HUHHHH.......HUUUUUHHHHH......HUUUUUUUUUH......HUUUUUHHHHHH

Jennifer, My Love For You Is Like Four Beasts!

------[Visions of Love On My Bed (For Jennifer D.)]---


Im restless, Jennifer
and its dark, and I cant see anything
but I can feel four winds stirring my heart
...desire...faith...hope...love
and my heart is like the Great Sea, boundless and immeasurable
Listen to me Jennifer

My yearning for you is a lion with eagles' wings
from the Sea emerging
fierce and yet lofty..soaring above clouds of normal expectations
(because Im not a normal guy)
seeking to devour its prey, hunting
sinking its teeth into marriage with you so elusive
and the chase, this journey is wearisome
plucking feathers with each failed attempt at your love
scarred and shorn but still persisting
cavalierly standing like a man
patiently enduring hardships, waiting for you
to hand your heart to me

But my attraction to you is a bear, ravenous
insatiable and stalwartly raised on its side
poised to strike. the last time I saw you is etched in my dreams
like three ribs in its mouth: your hair, your eyes, your grin
delectable to my mind, intriguing to my senses
and its never enough! I need to see you again
and touch your hand…the voice inside its head roars
visit with Jennifer, taste more sweet experiences
savor memories next to her dancing, arms enfolding her
"arise, devour much flesh"

My respect for you is another beast rising
a leopard with four heads and four wings
ever looking for ways to please
ever watchful, ever nomadic
trolling for an opportunity to exercise dominion
over your enthusiasm for a just suitor
preying
hoping
wanting

But the most august of my feelings
Is dreadful and terrible, exceedingly strong.
It has huge iron teeth; it devours, it breaks in pieces
trampling the residue with its feet
and it has ten horns, (weapons against hate)
with a little horn rising and displacing
the first three with eyes of a man,
and a mouth speaking pompous words
words of defiance
words of aggression, and instigation
and rebellion
this beast is my loyalty to you, most powerful and resistant
to charms
to sensibilities and consensus by those who would tell me
"leave Jennifer alone"
it is disagreeable, insufferable
pugnacious
demolishing all things that stand between us

Im restless, Jennifer
and its dark, and I cant see anything
except these visions
emotions rising from my heart
beasts rising from the Waters
of my passion, my robust love for you



--------------------Daniel 7:1-14---------------
In the first year of Belshazzar king of Babylon, Daniel had a dream and visions of his head while on his bed. Then he wrote down the dream, telling the main facts. Daniel spoke, saying, “I saw in my vision by night, and behold, the four winds of heaven were stirring up the Great Sea. And four great beasts came up from the sea, each different from the other. The first was like a lion, and had eagle's wings. I watched till its wings were plucked off; and it was lifted up from the earth and made to stand on two feet like a man, and a man’s heart was given to it. “And suddenly another beast, a second, like a bear. It was raised up on one side, and had three ribs in its mouth between its teeth. And they said thus to it: ‘Arise, devour much flesh!' After this I looked, and there was another, like a leopard, which had on its back four wings of a bird. The beast also had four heads, and dominion was given to it. "After this I saw in the night visions, and behold, a fourth beast, dreadful and terrible, exceedingly strong. It had huge iron teeth; it was devouring, breaking in pieces, and trampling the residue with its feet. It was different from all the beasts that were before it, and it had ten horns. I was considering the horns, and there was another horn, a little one, coming up among them, before whom three of the first horns were plucked out by the roots. And there, in this horn, were eyes like the eyes of a man, and a mouth speaking pompous words.
" I watched till thrones were put in place,
And the Ancient of Days was seated;
His garment was white as snow,
And the hair of His head was like pure wool.
His throne was a fiery flame,
Its wheels a burning fire;
A fiery stream issued
And came forth from before Him.
A thousand thousands ministered to Him;
Ten thousand times ten thousand stood before Him.
The court was seated,
And the books were opened.
"I watched then because of the sound of the pompous words which the horn was speaking; I watched till the beast was slain, and its body destroyed and given to the burning flame. As for the rest of the beasts, they had their dominion taken away, yet their lives were prolonged for a season and a time.
" I was watching in the night visions,
And behold, One like the Son of Man,
Coming with the clouds of heaven!
He came to the Ancient of Days,
And they brought Him near before Him.
Then to Him was given dominion and glory and a kingdom,
That all peoples, nations, and languages should serve Him.
His dominion is an everlasting dominion,
Which shall not pass away,
And His kingdom the one
Which shall not be destroyed.

I want the heart of a woman....(please God)

I have always wanted love so bad (hey, just having finished watching the 12:01 showing of Twilight: New Moon doesnt hurt either!!!!)

I want to fall in love and get married like a flower waits for the sun to rise...for sustenance, just to survive.

I often try to downplay such emotions in an attempt to avoid slighting my masculinity...but I think one of the greater gifts of getting older is that you stop caring as much what people think of you.

So yeah, if you wonder why I always write about love and women and falling in love...well, there you have it!

Jesus' contemporaries hated him, and he did nothing wrong; so go figure if someone hates you just for having a personality...whether you are mean or not.

Anyway, what Im trying to say is I may as well use the heart God has given me for some good, right?


If I think like a woman, why not write like a woman - FOR THE GLORY OF GOD?

Nah mean? So like, so like, so like I can be the bride....and Jesus can be the Bridgegroom right?

Oh wait, didnt he already call himself that in the Bible? (Matthew 9:15)

So yeah, Im gonna go 'head and pretend Im a bride on this one! Like it or not!
(Cuz whether we like it or not, our Maker is our husband, yall!)

Letters to My Husband *

"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine" Song of Songs 1:2


------------------------[Love Letter to My Husband, dated November 20, 2009 2:45AM]



You forced one eminent mandate on me
to love you with all of my heart
…with all of my being
….with all of my soul…
and in return your love
would rescue me from my bondage, my slavery like loneliness
in a foreign land, in spectacular fashion
parting the Red Sea of impossibility,
(like a God paired with a feeble people)
redeeming me in my frailty
you said your love was like milk, and sweet honey
though my doubts were imposing like the Canaanites
you saved me
and gave me a chance to live

Admittedly
each stage of my life is like an epoch full of drama
but your steady words, soft, and kind
are like prophets and kings to guide me
especially in the hard times
when my heart is taken into captivity by
depression and remorse
and fragmented

You said you would die for me
If that meant we could get married
living hand in hand, side by side forever
in one of your many lavish mansions
to prove your love you even let cruel men flagellate you
and large crowds mock you
for firmly clinging to an unwavering belief
that I would love you in return

and your sweet whispers in my ear at night
feels like washing
feels like purification
from a world that makes me feel so dirty
trust me when I tell you
You are my Savior....and you are.....
my love

[Im happy to be your bride]
(Jesus)

-----------------
Ephesians 5:25-27
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

Isaiah 54:5
the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.