* Jesus pray for me
* Paul pray for me
#IamSaintPaul
“…For I am in a strait betwixt two…”
+-----City Of Angels; Saint Paul's Longing
I cant sleep, at the onset of my
dreams my arms erratically extend
to the ceiling, the body trying to
disentangle itself from spirit,
my skin cold and stiffened,
fingers twitching as if already dead.
In the chaos,
as always, I spasmodically fling
covers and pillow to the floor, only
a portion of the cover dangles
from the edge of my bed, wool
mediator between the worlds,
one Sidereal and one Empyrean,
relic of my ascension.
I keep trying to remember the face of
the angel, it is he that I wish
to touch, I want my fingers to
judge the credulity of experience
by tracing his lips when he speaks,
whether material or immaterial,
corporeal or celestial. I cant discern
the language, but when I wake
soft echoes reverberate
off the walls, the air filled with his
enchanted whispering:
“Friend, promise me you
will come back soon.” And no
matter what therapies I chase,
I cannot unsee the things
Ive seen or unhear what Ive heard.
Im like a ghost in the shell,
a hollow vitreous body unveiling
to the world a flaming heart,
black smoke of passion and
unfulfilled longing billowing
from my nose and eyes
like a stench, like chronic coughing
to those who question my beliefs
and gossip whether I am human,
if I want to continue living on
earth with other humans content
with the way things are. But how
can I preach anything other than
discord, now with this ineffable
heft of a broken conscience?
Everything pales in comparison,
all things I had are dung
contrasted with the Glory of Christ Ive
tasted - a man whose flesh
has grazed against spirit
will never be the same
will never be the same
will never be the same. No I don’t
want Jews to be “happy” Jews or
Gentiles to be “happy” Gentiles anymore,
I want everyone crucified in Christ so
our coterie can depart for
hinterlands already visited–
the New Heaven already descended
to a New Earth,
the city of angels and men and God
together.
-----Philippians 1:20-23; 2 Corinthians 5:1-11; 2 Timothy 4:6-8; 2 Corinthians 12:2-4
According to my earnest expectation and my hope, that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether it be by life, or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. But if I live in the flesh, this is the fruit of my labour: yet what I shall choose I wot not. For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is far better: Nevertheless to abide in the flesh is more needful for you. And having this confidence, I know that I shall abide and continue with you all for your furtherance and joy of faith; For we know that if our earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have a building of God, an house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed upon with our house which is from heaven: If so be that being clothed we shall not be found naked. For we that are in this tabernacle do groan, being burdened: not for that we would be unclothed, but clothed upon, that mortality might be swallowed up of life. Now he that hath wrought us for the selfsame thing is God, who also hath given unto us the earnest of the Spirit. Therefore we are always confident, knowing that, whilst we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord: (For we walk by faith, not by sight:) We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord. Wherefore we labour, that, whether present or absent, we may be accepted of him. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad. Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men; but we are made manifest unto God; and I trust also are made manifest in your consciences; For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand. I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing; I knew a man in Christ above fourteen years ago, (whether in the body, I cannot tell; or whether out of the body, I cannot tell: God knoweth;) such an one caught up to the third heaven. And I knew such a man, (whether in the body, or out of the body, I cannot tell: God knoweth;) How that he was caught up into paradise, and heard unspeakable words, which it is not lawful for a man to utter.
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