"This system, this enterprise called love is intrinsically flawed; We were never meant to win, a girl never meant to completely satisfy the heart, romance never meant to set the heart aflutter the way the sunset refracts its glow off the dark side of a mountain, or a rainbow passes through clouds but never parts them, or shade and tree limbs swaying in the cool winds that provide a sanctuary in the midst of a sweltering summer haze. If it is peace you seek after and solace for your pains, run away from love and away from girls for these are only the gateways for the realizations of your worst fears suddenly set upon you - unfamiliar with any semblance of mercy. I fell in love with a girl once, and she told me that she was glad she was dating me since our relationship made it easier for her to discern what she didn’t want in her husband. Contrarily, our relationship was my lifeblood, my soul’s breath. Another example then: I liked this girl right (blonde, beautiful, buxom), and completely gratuitously she said my love poems about her (not to her) were a form of harassment and basically set out on a path to destroy me, proving to be very injurious indeed. Another example: I asked this girl out to lunch thrice, every instance of which she spurned, though after 3 months of silence and absence when she happens to run into me, smiles and speaks to me as though the lopsided transaction of the emotions that occurred between us was nothing out of the ordinary and happily traipses off, not even once addressing my unfulfilled longings. We were not meant to win, let me reiterate. This is not an expose of the fickleness of women, no, this is an indictment on love – how many women have had men exhibit similar actions? Give up on this thing called love, people, and be miserable like me – forever hoping for someone who doesn;t exist, though now fully enlightened to this fact!"
What can I say about this one, except that this pretty girlie called out my name once at a gathering specifically seeking after to me to greet me, then held a lively 15 minute dialogue with me on our next speaking occasion, only to play brazenly, defiantly coy when I tried to pursue her for conversation at our next (and possibly last) encounter. She tersely informed me she was moving away for a while and would be back later in the year, and was completely disinterested in maintaining any ties between us during her absence from the DC area. My thing is, why bother smiling and seeking my company, stirring up this wellspring, this geyser of emotion if all you do is walk off? No one coerced you into calling out “Hi Tony!” Love is dead yall! Proclaim it with me, yall! Clap, clap yo hands! UHNNNN>>>> Love is SO dead right now, it was so 2009!
---------------/LOve is Dead Pt 3: Bi*****k* The Census Of My Three Deaths
[Bi*****k*, you the King of my heart, Judah
ruling from the throne of irresistible charm with your dark features
holding the scepter of wisdom on how to make men's knees weak]
The devil stirred inside of you....irrationality
imploring you – test Tony's resolve
"go, number Israel and Judah" and determine the length of time
necessary to bring about his fall, break
his spirit
emotion
will by setting up a beguiling yet bogus dichotomy
does she love me/does she love me not
simply by calling his name and beckoning his presence forth even though
in doing so you effectively exploit his entire self
and test, and quantify, before all who know him
the depth and substance of his ability to love genuinely first
in Aroer, on the right side of the town
which is in the midst of the ravine of Gad,
the vulnerable part of his personality that triggers depression
the ravine of his rapacious raving for romance
and toward Jazer, the desperate aspect of his character pining for acceptance
and the kiss and embrace from someone who loves him for who he is
(preferably a hot woman like you)
Then in Gilead, the lustful side of his moral constitution hanging by a thread
and to the land of Tahtim Hodshi;
the vault in his psyche housing his trust in women, and their truthfulness
then in Dan Jaan and around to Sidon:
the portion of his intellect devoted to his objective belief
in goodness and sincerity
and ultimately to the stronghold of Tyre,
the component of his joy that heralds the virtues of marriage
and the sacredness of staying faithful
to all the cities of the Hivites and the Canaanites: those constituent pieces of his courage that urge conviction to always do the right thing,
and the protective instinct for protecting family.
lastly as far as Beersheba,
the haven of his fantasies and dreams for the destiny
his life will one day realize, now spilling over with expectations for you
all for the sake of your flightiness and perfunctory wiles
whole peoples, whole towns of my composite personhood
made to withstand the humiliation of your census – of wondering
"how are you doing Tony?"
...when in actuality really not caring at all
But why? You awakened a maelstrom of fears, joys, insecurities and hopes
that were best left unstirred,
or at least left to my naivete until the proper time
for the proper woman –
I started to fall for you – [I wanted you SO BADLY]
brag to the men in my small group, extolling your accolades
You have sinned greatly in what you have done;
but now, I pray, O Bi*****K*, take away the iniquity of
the pain you have caused your servant, for I have done very foolishly.
believing in love, believing in you, believing in us. You left me all alone
after smiling at me and soliciting my interest you walked away
until next year you
cruelly
gave me three choices on how to cope while youre gone
the crushing blow to my confidence of your rejection
Shall seven years of famine of hope come to me in my spirit?
Shall I never smile
Or shall I flee three months before my enemies of fear, depression
and meaninglessness, while they pursue me?
Or shall there be three days' plague in my soul? In which I don't eat,
or sleep or drink only cry
sulking silently and saying sad soliloquies out loud sharing shame
You gave me three choices when you spoke to me
and those choices were to die
please let me fall into the hands of the plague of soul,
in three days large swaths of myself will die and never return
but whatever you do
do not let me fall into the hand of man
into your hands of failed romance ever again
-----------2 Samuel 24:1-17
Again the anger of the LORD was aroused against Israel, and He moved David against them to say, "Go, number Israel and Judah." So the king said to Joab the commander of the army who was with him, "Now go throughout all the tribes of Israel, from Dan to Beersheba, and count the people, that I may know the number of the people." And Joab said to the king, "Now may the LORD your God add to the people a hundred times more than there are, and may the eyes of my lord the king see it. But why does my lord the king desire this thing?" Nevertheless the king's word prevailed against Joab and against the captains of the army. Therefore Joab and the captains of the army went out from the presence of the king to count the people of Israel. And they crossed over the Jordan and camped in Aroer, on the right side of the town which is in the midst of the ravine of Gad, and toward Jazer. Then they came to Gilead and to the land of Tahtim Hodshi; they came to Dan Jaan and around to Sidon; and they came to the stronghold of Tyre and to all the cities of the Hivites and the Canaanites. Then they went out to South Judah as far as Beersheba. So when they had gone through all the land, they came to Jerusalem at the end of nine months and twenty days. Then Joab gave the sum of the number of the people to the king. And there were in Israel eight hundred thousand valiant men who drew the sword, and the men of Judah were five hundred thousand men. And David's heart condemned him after he had numbered the people. So David said to the LORD, "I have sinned greatly in what I have done; but now, I pray, O LORD, take away the iniquity of Your servant, for I have done very foolishly." Now when David arose in the morning, the word of the LORD came to the prophet Gad, David's seer, saying, "Go and tell David, 'Thus says the LORD: "I offer you three things; choose one of them for yourself, that I may do it to you."'" So Gad came to David and told him; and he said to him, “Shall seven years of famine come to you in your land? Or shall you flee three months before your enemies, while they pursue you? Or shall there be three days’ plague in your land? Now consider and see what answer I should take back to Him who sent me." And David said to Gad, "I am in great distress. Please let us fall into the hand of the LORD, for His mercies are great; but do not let me fall into the hand of man." So the LORD sent a plague upon Israel from the morning till the appointed time. From Dan to Beersheba seventy thousand men of the people died. And when the angel stretched out His hand over Jerusalem to destroy it, the LORD relented from the destruction, and said to the angel who was destroying the people, “It is enough; now restrain your hand.” And the angel of the LORD was by the threshing floor of Araunah the Jebusite. Then David spoke to the LORD when he saw the angel who was striking the people, and said, "Surely I have sinned, and I have done wickedly; but these sheep, what have they done? Let Your hand, I pray, be against me and against my father's house."
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