[The setting: An unknown person's basement, with wall to wall red carpeting, a black corner sofa in the middle of the room, and a lone tall black lamp stand with a red shade adjacent to it. Adorning one of the walls is a large, portentous skull poster with the skull centered against a morbid black sky with grey clouds, covering all but the tip of the moon. The skull is covered with blood on its right side, the blood pouring to the bottom of the poster. Tony and Satan are sitting next to one another conversing about the state of being. Satan holds a Dos Equis beer in his left hand and while he simulates drinking in between pauses in speech, just lets the beer touch his lips and return back into the bottle; Tony, meanwhile becomes quite inebriated in the ostensibly light hearted, friendly exchange. ]
Tony: Yo, yo Sataaaan! Wooooo! Whats up boy? Can I call you "S-tan, stan...yeah I like that....stan" for short?
Satan (glowering at Tony) : Absolutely (a**hole)
Tony (slurring his speech and losing clarity of consciousness) ....wh-what did you say, buddy?
Satan: nothing
Tony (slurring his words): s...s.....hoo, buddy, I wazzzz thinfing....thinking! I really admire you for real. I mean, aside from the whole Christian thing
[Satan snickers]
Tony (continuing): ....if I wasn't such a dedicated Christian I would think about reading your Satanic bible, yo. I mean, you are loyal to your cause, unflappable even! ....(I wish I could be like that)
Satan (cynically): So youre a dedicated Xtian now? (laughing) Ha! Now that’s a good one
Tony (eyes glazing over): AY! HEY!!!! WHY ARE YOU LAFFING? I LUB ME SOME JEBUS CHRIST!
Satan (snarling): Don’t even intimate that name around me ever again you scoundrel. You could barely be a good Satanist, we would just use you for human sacrifice to rid ourselves of the dung like stench of your slovenliness. You say you love the Enemy, yet you always do what I tell you to do, and yet you remain comfortable in this tension. I am your father, in that regard – son. You have no discipline, no dedication to your cause – even though my hatred for you is unequivocal and immutable, I could at least respect you if you stayed true to your soul and moral code. But you are lukewarm, and though I like you best that way, I cant respect it. You pitiably are unwilling or able to even endure one month without sexual immorality.....if you were a Satanist, like I hope you will be one day, you wouldn't last one month in my chambers with your life. Unlike your other supposed father up in Hell, I have no mercy on those who falter in obedience to my commands....
Tony (swinging at Satan but in the opposite direction): NOOO! NOOO! I will not! I will not! follow
Satan: Pathetic xtian, with no self control like the rest of them. I have this world in the palm of my hands, morality run amok, sexuality run amok i.e. abortion, violence run amok! The Catholic church, the protestant church, the media, politics – all like twigs in my palm bending at my command. Its almost time for my chosen one , the one called anti-christ
Tony (bug eyed): ???!!!!!THE ANTI-CHRI.....
[Satan smashes his Dos Equis on Tony's head, rendering him unconscious]
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