Flying

*dedicated to Shoko Nakagawa, Flying Humanoid -

Yo yo son! Yo son! I SAID yo son! Yo, yo, yo, yo son, people is saying love is dead son! They be sayin dating is a game and the players mere objects, or means to an end son! And those who try in earnest, unabashedly, passionately to find true love are weird, desperate or scary! Well, even if I continue to scare every single girl I express interest in away, by the intensity of my emotions, or just sheer incompatibility, I promise I will never give up on love. I will not hate all women, I will not categorically disparage the notion of a committed relationship, or refrain from a fierce desire to find a mate for my soul. To do so would allow all the previous girls who passed on me to claim victory. My heart has been battered but not broken. Apostle Paul said it right when he stated: "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." Nahm saying???? I may be scarred by the antics of some of the most coveted objects of my heart, they may have denied me access to romance, but I PROMISE NEVER TO GIVE UP. LOVE REIGNS. Ya ya ya diiiigggg??

http://youtu.be/iQmTKTg-kFQ let Shoko show you the way!!!



--------------Song of Solomon 8:6-7
Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned.


-----------/What Is Falling In Love Like? Its Like Flying


Falling in love is thinking of the one you love
like
standing on a grassy knoll being windswept
staring
at the afternoon sun and the passing clouds closing
your eyes and holding your breath for a split second
just to zero in on your palpitating heart, over which
you place your hand and smile
and the gusts intensify until the sunset heralds the moon
as you open you eyes and catch a glimpse of
a stag and doe running next to each other
reaching your hands to the moon in exultation
and letting the air push your fingers forward
into a balled fist
then it is holding hands with your girl
(as an overpowering warmth cascades from your head to feet)
as you stroll on a waterfront and take the flower
from her ear and toss it in the water
sending out a wish for undying love with the ripples
the concentric circles increasing in diameter
like sonic echoes to the universe with each jubilant expectation
and cheery memory of your past dates
then it is the parting veil on her face
as her father watches adoringly
kissing her lips
time stops
and like a panorama you behold the tears of singleness
the angst and frustration of rejection. Watching
movies alone conjuring up anger and apathy for love
then you see her walk into your life
as the past becomes a faint mention
as all becomes new. The death of the jaded you
the rebirth of innocence, vulnerability and emotion
affecting you so greatly you knew she was so integral
you couldn’t bear to let her go
then it is like surfing a gargantuan wave
exhilarating, never fearing the crash
as throngs of awestruck bystanders cheer
and you point to the sharks
of hatred, of giving up on love, of dishonest and disingenuous daters
of miserable maidens maliciously moping and seeking men to destroy
warning them to scurry from your path
but mostly falling in love is
a magnificent, grand dream waiting to come true
even if it means going to sleep
for a lifetime in the process
and letting your imagination fly






-----Flying Humanoid Lyrics (Translated from Japanese by http://hoshinautau.livejournal.com) –


I can see the new magic they have ten years in the future in the sky…
I looked up at
Within the world I flee from by continuing to chase after it
You don’t have to worry

At the speed that tears away time
Dashing through it, drifting through it
While swaying in the sky

We took off
The map of the future looked disastrous
Spreading and spreading our broken wings
Now it’ll start
A voice calling someone
Dyes and dyes dawn

Riding on a rocket flying to ten years in the future
Beyond dreams
Within this world, tired enough of spreading widely
I wonder how much I should grasp onto

Because there's no such thing called eternity
Like throbbing, like numbing
While biting down on my heartbeat

We took off
With our hearts thoroughly shut
We open and open the door of tomorrow
Now let's make our way
To a place that everyone hasn’t seen
I'll thrust that proof up to my chest

I only get lost and cry repeatedly…
Because there’s not just one answer
I'll turn the engine on
Towards the sky, defying gravity

We took off once more
On the map of the future that looked disastrous
I gathered the pieces of hope
Now the story overlaps
The wishes I drew link together
They cross and cross the horizon

Sickness Unto Death

(Isaiah 38:1-3) In those days Hezekiah became ill and was at the point of death. The prophet Isaiah son of Amoz went to him and said, "This is what the LORD says: Put your house in order, because you are going to die; you will not recover." Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the LORD, "Remember, LORD, how I have walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and have done what is good in your eyes." And Hezekiah wept bitterly.

----------------Sickness Unto Death: The Thoughts of Hezekiah Ill

You cant bear to look out the window:
only stare at the wall
You cant bear to see birds in flight
en route to their destination
or figs falling to the ground as branches sway
the sun at its apex nourishing all of creation
with warmth, and joviality
and the encouragement and solace to keep at it
to persist in life despite travails and
rainy days passed and not yet come
or the sounds traveling of children laughing
on their mothers' jittering knees peppiness abounding
or water trickling over rocks as the stream rushes
towards the sea
the splashing and plunking of fish exiting and entering water's doors
cavalierly
because this is how hope speaks
and though she once was beautiful she has become unbecoming, stern
now forever turning her back, admonishing your gaze
forever scowling though you plea and plea and plea
to be received at her table
because these aforementioned phenomena embody promise
of which you now have none
the fig seeds will meet their aspirations to be trees
the fish will find larger bodies of water, more room to swim
the birds, a more fertile landscape to feed their young
yet for you the prospect of tomorrow dims with each passing day
as the sun silently diverts his path and shines
opposite your doorstep, opposite your throne
and because these are snapshots of what you once were, but
can never be again
a mosaic of memories that you beckon and try to scream to
for mercy but have become frustratingly mute
nothing can mollify this malignant malady
and the birds and the fish and figs and the streams
and the children and the mothers all
scurry past your window so as to go unnoticed
for you are all alone now;
a stranger to all and a familiar friend to death
and the death of all dreams, dreaming,
and wishing
well acquainted with sorrow, sadness and sullen shadows
slinking as you sink and sit shrinking a
sobbing King
of solitude
stricken

Pippa Middleton Saved Me By Grace, Not Works

Okay, okay so Wills, I made a mistake....you and your beautiful bride Kate go on and have a ball together....I think I wanna get my groove on with Pippa!

HOT DIGGITY!!!!



-------------/Pippa Middleton Saved Me By Grace, Not Works


Pippa, baby, things will never be the same again
you see before I met you I was flesh, perishable
dead
in the trespasses and sins (of lusting after sultry women
scandalous and shrewdly attempting to crush my hope
teasing in short shorts, short skirts and dresses
with plunging neck lines but ultimately only rolling their eyes)
in which I once walked
according to the course of this world of waywardness;
reckless singleness and aimlessly gallivanting
searching
for love in all the wrong places using all the wrong methods:
speed dating, writing notes to waitresses on napkins
blogging about them and then being discovered
and ultimately left unfulfilled crying punching my pillow and falling asleep
charmed by the prince of the power of the air of bitterness
its spirit espousing disobedience to proper prudence
and wisdom in knowing your true beneficence
conflating what servile women can do for a true princess
I was
only fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind,
perusing questionable websites trying to slake my thirst for embrace
and was by nature a child of the wrath of true romance
just as the other meatheads in the Washington DC metropolis
but you, rich in mercy because of your great beauty
in your maid of honor dress at the royal wedding with which
you have cannily shown the world how great you are
made me alive
for it is by your stunning figure and grace that I have been saved
not my misguided bachelor-esque fratboy works
from pursing foolish women instead turning my attention
only to you
for my heart is your workmanship, created for good works of loving you,
which you in your amazing alluring aptitude
prepared beforehand that I should walk in them
you knew that once I saw you in that dress there would be no more
sorrow
the old man of my misery would wither and wilt
liberated to leave behind my old ways of debauchery
dejected by women in DC who know nothing of British royalty
your magnificence has set me free (to crush on you eternally)
and made me pure
salvation




-------------Ephesians 2:1-10
And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others. But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them

Samson Sated: Miley Cyrus, We Shall Slay Thousands - Then We Drink

-------------/Samson Sated: Miley Cyrus, We Shall Slay Thousands - Then We Drink

Miley, baby, snookums, puggly wuggly,
chipmunk,
I have sojourned far and wide high
and low
thirsty, not only for the blood of my heart's enemies:
depression, dejection, despair
dilution of love, dallying of reciprocal interest from women,
draconian
“darlings” on online dating sites that mandate you
see the world through green eyes and a 7 foot frame
(with a shiny Mercedes) and a muscular square lumberjack chin
and nine hundred and ninety four more ignoble not worth mentioning;
the jawbone of my ass of mounting frustration chiseled with
your concert charisma
your songs, your photos, your website, your verve becomes my
defacto sword
jagged
and I slay heaps upon heaps of these buffoonish paradigms,
exhausted peering over piles of bodies
finally falling in a
flailing, fanatically, fantastically
feverish fomented love-fest (with festoons) for you – assuredly,
Ramathlehi is my epithet for the now deceased foes of my romantic ideals.
but also for you to kiss me (softly at first, then aggressively)
you have given me great inspiration to combat my sad singleness
great deliverance and now shall I die from parched lips
and fall into the hand of more of the uncircumcised ulcerous uncouth
unmentionable insanities that undermine my ultimate joy with umbrage?
Miley, may your touch, your affection and arduous attention for me,
for us, despite the paparazzi and what TMZ might concoct
be like a hole magically cleaved in the jawbone
that I used as my empowering endorsement of your beauty, dignity
that gallons upon gallons of life giving waters
[of our passionate embrace]
flow from
in a dry deleterious desert
to a man in desperate need of revival;
calling you my girlfriend would indeed resuscitate my spirit
calling you my wife would sate me:
Enhakkore will be the memorial of my proposal to you

(PARTY IN THE USA! LOVE YA BABES!!! MILEY WILL YOU MARRY ME??? PLEEEEAAAAASSSS???? E-MAIL ME!!! THEJESUSMETAPHOR@YAHOO.COM)

Miley, you know how I feelz 4 u. E-mail me and lets dance until the stars fall!



-----Judges 15:16-19
And Samson said, With the jawbone of an ass, heaps upon heaps, with the jaw of an ass have I slain a thousand men. And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking, that he cast away the jawbone out of his hand, and called that place Ramathlehi. And he was sore athirst, and called on the LORD, and said, Thou hast given this great deliverance into the hand of thy servant: and now shall I die for thirst, and fall into the hand of the uncircumcised? But God clave an hollow place that was in the jaw, and there came water thereout; and when he had drunk, his spirit came again, and he revived: wherefore he called the name thereof Enhakkore, which is in Lehi unto this day.

THINGS TO DO B4 U FALL N LUV.....PART 1

THE DEVIL AND GOD ARE RAGING INSIDE OF ME FOR YOU BABES

THINGS TO DO B4 U FALL N LUV.....PART 1 (give voice to and release angst)

Dedicated to Brand New: Degausser [The Devil And God Are Raging Inside Me] listen to this song and ROCK OUT before you read this post!!!
Video 1
Video 2

Dedicated to Meaghan, Jennifer and all the other babes I sacrificed my heart and my intentions to as a goodwill offering, only to have it denounced. Why did you have to have a baby and thus seal our fate as ill-fated lovers, and why did you have to run from religion and why did you have to date someone in the middle of my emotional descent (when I was falling for you)? Why do your eyes incite my heart to bouts of exhilaration and anxiety to this day, feelings that will now never be consummated? Why is that with you, I feel so free to be myself, when others evoke feelings of shame and insecurity? I promise you, you will have to make peace with the fact that you chose imprudently, and wed the wrong man.....your deep sighs beneath your covers will forever attest to this (and mine too) Why is it that you want me and I want you yet our love will never be, never.....never....be? WHY DID YOU INITIALLY PORTRAY YOURSELF AS A GOOD FIT FOR ME ONLY to morph into a lesser creature; one who I am unable to lay claim to. AND THE HE.....*ahem*....THE HECK WITH EVERYONE ELSE – THEY DON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS ACRID LONGING IN THEIR SOULS FOR A GIRL WHO WANTS TO LOVE THEM BUT WONT, WHO HAS CHOSEN NOT TO. AND IT MAKES ME SICK THAT YOURE STILL SO SEXY.....Your legs are amazing….The stress of not having you is what gave me all this acne. Staring at your picture is a temporary stay of grief, but only reopens the wound frustrating the slow, listless healing process. Enough with this paragraph stuff – time to get to the emo-poetry!!!!


--------------------------/Tension, Regret

I came into my own country wincing
there you were, there I was
familiarity was our native language – you so down to earth
eliciting my comfort, repose in your radiance
(you cutie!)
completely smitten, it pained me to think you
weren’t the missing rib that completes me
so I wanted to perform miracles
to dazzle
woo you into my arms, your hair stroked between my
fingers
I wanted to split the Red Sea of your doubts, baby
raise those dead latent emotions of passion
for romance.....you never thought would walk out from
behind the stone
.....you should have let me cure the son of your doubts
that threw your optimism into fire and mirth into water
drowning
but there wasn't much I could do, was there?
You picked a boyfriend that wasn’t me, you chose a path that
diverted from mine. God only knows that smarted like nothing
else greatly
hampering my capability to really accomplish anything worthwhile except
menial tasks like making you smile
and light flirting that ultimately titillates the soul but can never
never
never
sate. And this was like curing a few that were sick, laying my hands upon them
but nothing on the scale of magnificence
now visiting you, and talking with you is quite laconic and vapid
like visiting my former teacher for a brief spell before heading back to work
and what sucks is acknowledging I could have pursued other girls with a
greater success rate
its ironic you know? That Im
not without honor, but in my own country, and in my own house
amongst girls that I let my guard down, and expose my vulnerabilities
you are so breath taking, I cant help but steal a quick glance
when you turn your head to talk to someone else
the man in me prevents me from shedding any tears but if I was a woman
I would bawl every night. Because despite the fact that you are my world
provoking my soul to bouts of emotional ecstasy
to you Im just a carpenter ( a friend)
son of Mary, the brother of James, and Joseph, and Jude, and Simon

--------------Mark 6:1-6
And going out from thence, he went into his own country; and his disciples followed him. And when the sabbath was come, he began to teach in the synagogue: and many hearing him were in admiration at his doctrine, saying: How came this man by all these things? and what wisdom is this that is given to him, and such mighty works as are wrought by his hands? Is not this the carpenter, the son of Mary, the brother of James, and Joseph, and Jude, and Simon? are not also his sisters here with us? And they were scandalized in regard of him. And Jesus said to them: A prophet is not without honor, but in his own country, and in his own house, and among his own kindred. And he could not do any miracles there, only that he cured a few that were sick, laying his hands upon them. And he wondered because of their unbelief, and he went through the villages round about teaching.

----Degausser lyrics
Goodbye to sleep,
I think this staying up is exactly what I need
Well take apart your head
Take apart the counting, and the flock it has bred

Goodbye to love,
Well it's a ride that'll push you up
Right against the wall
(Right against the wall)
Chew it up and swallow it

You're brought back but you're running
I'll find sleep in the end tonight
I can't shake this little feeling
I'll never get anything right

Goodbye you liar,
Well you sipped from the cup but you don't own up to anything
Then you think you will inspire
Take apart your head
(and I wish I could inspire)
Take apart the demon, in the attic to the left.

(goodbye my love)
You're brought back but you're running
(goodbye my love)
I'll find sleep in the end tonight
(goodbye my love)
I can't shake this little feeling
(goodbye my love)
I'll never say anything right

I'm on my own, never say anything right
I'm on my own, never say anything right
I'm on my own, never say anything right
I'm on my own, never say anything right

Well take me, take me back to your bed
I love you so much that it hurts my head
Say I don't mind you under my skin
I'll let the bad parts in, the bad parts in
When we were made we were set apart
Life is a test and I get bad marks
Now some saint got the job of writing down my sins
The storm is coming, the storm is coming in

You're brought back but you're running
I'll find sleep in the end tonight
I can't shake this little feeling
I'll never get anything right

I'm on my own, never say anything right
I'm on my own, never say anything right

Take me, take me back to your bed
I love you so much that it hurts my head
I don't mind you under my skin
I'll let the bad parts in, the bad parts in
Well you're my favourite bird and when you sing
I really do wish you'd wear my ring
No matter what they say, I am still the king
And now the storm is coming, the storm is coming in

Elymas Blinded

-----------Acts Chronicles Chapter 13 - Elymas Blinded


Devoting all your years pandering to those
you think hold real power
but don't really
invincibility.....insoluble
is what you recite to yourself after you blow out the candles
and await the sun's rising
despicable.....wayward
you imprecate their absence in the face of all
that threatens
your way of life secure, the magic of gratification
the spells of hedonism
incantations of the charisma of validation from wealth and
prestige
that were never your own
balking at the idea there are things to which you might be
ignorant
that while you sought health, you gained decay
your pride in virtue was in actuality pride in corruption
finding no dignity in ignominy – no joy in misery
beauty ugly
loved hated
revered, but really mocked behind your back as a fraud
a liar
and youre getting older now and as a corollary
more set in your ways
though the specter of irreversibility casts a pall over you everyday
and the wisdom you spew is already sounding like garble
because you don’t know the stars anymore than the stars know you
and you don’t know a thing about the God you so often
take liberality in speaking for
and its sickening and its disgusting and
your suffering is making everyone else suffer
you advise with "Yahweh's Mandate" to give you money
angry
that some brand new philosophy can overtake and surpass
in enchantment the dialectic you’ve taken years
to painstakingly craft
because it has no substance or depth and
though your words often contradict the scrolls
and the words of Moses
this was about the girl you tried to love but never loved you back
and the opportunity to speak in the synagogue
your parents denied you
and the low marks you received in school because of low self esteem
its about not being married by the time youre 30
and seeing comely women walk by
curious about your strange garb
who were formerly never interested in you
but this gig is not about truth or its promulgation
its about attention
its about sad confusion
and Sergius Paulus really isn’t God
because he wont even lead you by the hand
but you earnestly
wish him to be, because he is powerful
and you imagine God to be that way too
in the same fashion you imagined vileness and confusion
being full of all guile, and of all deceit, a child of the devil,
an enemy of all justice
for so long
was a good thing
a prophet who saw nothing but his own selfishness






-----------Acts Chapter 13:5-12
And when they were come to Salamina, they preached the word of God in the synagogues of the Jews. And they had John also in the ministry. And when they had gone through the whole island, as far as Paphos, they found a certain man, a magician, a false prophet, a Jew, whose name was Bar-jesu: Who was with the proconsul Sergius Paulus, a prudent man. He sending for Barnabas and Saul, desired to hear the word of God. But Elymas the magician (for so his name is interpreted) withstood them, seeking to turn away the proconsul from the faith. Then Saul, otherwise Paul, filled with the Holy Ghost, looking upon him, Said: O full of all guile, and of all deceit, child of the devil, enemy of all justice, thou ceasest not to pervert the right ways of the Lord. And now behold, the hand of the Lord is upon thee, and thou shalt be blind, not seeing the sun for a time. And immediately there fell a mist and darkness upon him, and going about, he sought some one to lead him by the hand. Then the proconsul, when he had seen what was done, believed, admiring at the doctrine of the Lord.

Didymus Latte

*dedicated to the Starbucks girl with the black hat and ponytail in Montgomery County (Nelson –haaa haaaaa, I wont tell you where!!!) whose eyes meet with mine often, and mine very intentional, yet I never have the moxy to say anything to her or approach her. Part of the problem is that she is always on duty and I figure it may break with decorum to send any overtures her way, and the other part of the problem is that I can only drool while muttering inchoate sentences about iced green tea (sweetened) when I get any semblance of a chance to woo her. *sigggghhh*

---------/Didymus Latte


The cool breeze flirts with my shirt sleeves
high noon, wrapped in the secure shade of an umbrella table
watching couples walk by
pensive
wishing it was you and me
but you don’t work the afternoon shift
when I dwell upon thoughts of you
it is night, it is twilight
and Im pacing nervously towards the Starbucks
before I read
and the doors of my heart are locked for fear
of your rejection
I close my eyes – you are standing next to me
Im about to order a tall hot chocolate
I wish I had the gall to order a tall hot kiss
“can I help you?” I come to (in my dream)
your words like therapy, like panacea
to my shivering soul, wishing to be loved
heart palpitations
I wish I could just stop doubting myself
and stop repudiating the notion that you could want me
as equally as I want you
I want you to grab my hand, guiding me
as my fingers graze against yours, softly, gently
emotively
as I reach out and touch your side
the spear wounds of my shyness, the nails
of being a cowardly man
then I would have seen you and believed
but blessed would I be if I could believe without seeing
these visions
and not ascribe to the tenuous, specious
reasoning that since I have taken so long
the romance between us has been crucified
by chance to the cross of missed opportunities
and that you are dead to me
somberly never to be resurrected,
never to appear in the upper room of my love
(for you)

AAAAAHHHHHH! ANYONE ANYONE! IF YOU SEE THE PONY TAILED GIRL AT STARBUCK WITH THE *….EHHHH, NEVERMIND THAT DESCRIPTOR, BUT YEAH IF YOU SEE HER, TELL HER I NEED HER NOW! (LIKE LADY ANTEBELLUM!)




--------------------John 20:19-30
On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jewish leaders, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” After he said this, he showed them his hands and side. The disciples were overjoyed when they saw the Lord. Again Jesus said, "Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.” And with that he breathed on them and said, "Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven." Now Thomas (also known as Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord!" But he said to them, "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe." A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!" Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe." Thomas said to him, "My Lord and my God!" Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." Jesus performed many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not recorded in this book. But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name.

prince william, hide your kate! Im bout to blog (love) her!

Kate Mountbatten-Windsor, Catherine Middleton, you are soooooooooo frickin gorgeous!!!
Now YOU KNOW, I had to blog you riiiiiggghhhtttt? I mean, check dis.....if Prince William, Duke of Cambridge decides to ROYALLY REFUSE to love you – well you know where to go riiiiggghhhhht? The answer: in my arms, baby giiiirrrrlllll! Now lets be clear, so we are all on the same page – you are so pretty you made Aphrodite look like Shrek! OOOOOOOOOOO! So look, I was reading 1 Kings and had this epiphany – like YO! This is about ME AND KATE MIDDELTON, ITS ABOUT ME GETTING WITH THE DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE!! PRINCE WILLIAM, HIDE YOUR WIFE HIDE YOUR KIDS HIDE YOUR WIFE HIDE YOUR KIDS......dont leave the fingerprints of your mistakes on my blog page! Because if you do, Im coming and kidnapping yo wife’s heart!!!! UHHHNNNNNNNNNN! WH-WHAAAAAAT! OOOOO YEEEAAAAHHH (Macho Man)

Kate, Duchess of Cambridge DONT SPLIT MY BABY IN TWO AND GIVE ME THE DEAD ONE!

----------------/Kate, Duchess of Cambridge Render Justice To My Heart (For You)


Of the withering ways of waywardness
I present myself ashamed
a salacious life, playing the harlot trying to find acceptance
in the arms of women in Washington, DC
who summarily reject me, always.....
asking myself, how can a prostitute, a profligate pariah
pandering to porn
give birth to the hope of the virtue of finding true romance
with a girl like you? Ravishing royalty, riveting in your resplendent raiments
your brunette hair so enchanting
your svelte frame entreating me, your lachrymal lips laboring
to be kissed (by mine)
but I stand, I kneel before you with a dead heart the living one
stolen
by the pessimistic pox that lives with me
in the house of my pained singleness
insidiously sabotaging my soul deep within
encouraged by mistreatment from Stephanie, Rachel, Jennifer, Meaghan,
June, JoAnn and Rachel and Julia with long legs, Joan with glasses
whispering to me before I sleep
that I gave birth to a lie
and the ambitions I have of loving you are fables, they are facades
they are futile
that a commoner, a PG county resident would never have a chance
never be a suitable suitor for you
the duchess of Cambridge – (me a duke of dumbness)
or be worthy to stand in your court
and after the third day that I saw you in your wedding dress
(on the Huffington Post website)
and succored my child of my expectation to wed you
this other prostitute of foreboding also had a baby
of scornful screams and hateful heckles intent
on preventing my dreams from coming true
of undermining with umbrage all I ever longed for -
and we were alone to nurse these two possibilities;
there was no one in the house but the two of us.
but during the night of my steadfast pining for you, this woman’s son died
because she lay on him blinded by bias against me
impervious to sense and sensibility so she stole
my son, while your servant slept and subtly swapped
my hope for her hope, and her hope for mine
and though she says
"No! The living one is my son; the dead one is yours." I must insist, "No!
The dead one is yours; the living one is mine.
In retort
because I cannot and will not breathe if the promise I have to
hold you in my arms at night doesn't fully mature, Kate
yet even if she has deceived you
I will take the cursed child carefully and callously
because even if my aspirations aren't allowed for me
maybe someone will take them and love you better than I ever could
(and Im fine with that outcome, so long as you are loved and cherished)
and I will take a deadened heart
as long as you promise not to split my heart for you in two
my child
my son
my life

(because Kate, loving you is all I ever want to know from now on, like family)


-------------1 Kings 3:16-28
Now two prostitutes came to the king and stood before him. One of them said, "Pardon me, my lord. This woman and I live in the same house, and I had a baby while she was there with me. The third day after my child was born, this woman also had a baby. We were alone; there was no one in the house but the two of us. "During the night this woman's son died because she lay on him. So she got up in the middle of the night and took my son from my side while I your servant was asleep. She put him by her breast and put her dead son by my breast. The next morning, I got up to nurse my son—and he was dead! But when I looked at him closely in the morning light, I saw that it wasn’t the son I had borne." The other woman said, "No! The living one is my son; the dead one is yours." But the first one insisted, "No! The dead one is yours; the living one is mine." And so they argued before the king. The king said, "This one says, 'My son is alive and your son is dead,’ while that one says, 'No! Your son is dead and mine is alive.'" Then the king said, “Bring me a sword.” So they brought a sword for the king. He then gave an order: “Cut the living child in two and give half to one and half to the other." The woman whose son was alive was deeply moved out of love for her son and said to the king, "Please, my lord, give her the living baby! Don't kill him!" But the other said, "Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two!" Then the king gave his ruling: "Give the living baby to the first woman. Do not kill him; she is his mother." When all Israel heard the verdict the king had given, they held the king in awe, because they saw that he had wisdom from God to administer justice.