Desolate

*This is my prayer, Jesus, for all rapists to be brought to justice...and if they are willing...to repent
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/video/video.php?v=686489537485

"However, he would not heed her voice; and being stronger than she, he forced her and lay with her"

---/Desolate; Tamar's Cry (to Amnon)/----------------------

Black smoke rises
from intense burning, flames of despair
the flint is my heart, broken
shattered pieces crashing together sparking fire
and my soul is soot
and my soul is the blood of the innocent wrongly shed
sullied with the craven intentions of a wicked, vulgar man
capricious and filled with insensitivity
I have been exploited and left for dead, ignoble and crying bitterly
my tears are perpetual, they will never stop
bitterly flowing ...(everything is bitter)
seasoned food forever bland, sweet wine forever vapid
and my only revenge is to spurn your touch
your hands wringing my neck, wheezing in my dreams
vomiting when I wake
staring out the window to catch glimpses of wedding processions
and wedding songs
longing to dance, longing to belong to a heritage
and to stamp myself on someone’s genealogy...
to smile and laugh and be a part of a vivacious, jubilant family
but this was stolen from me
my children, my home, my happiness, my bridesmaids
my life
...solitude now embraces me as wife, and disconsolation calls me "mom"
Disappointment, failure, lamentation my uncles, aunts and cousins
I have no consanguinity now
only fantasies of a normal life not haunted by demons with
malevolent visages
every time from this doleful pain I scream for a reprieve
screeching shrills that only reverberate off the walls
answered by no one
because you have made me a leper
black on the inside, yet I cant even bring myself to hate you anymore
I hate myself, I hate the day I was born
when history remembers me I want them to remember
a lovely young woman,
once ebullient in spirit
now taciturn


(burning with pain inside, trapped within these four walls, forever)


-----------------2 Samuel 13
After this Absalom the son of David had a lovely sister, whose name was Tamar; and Amnon the son of David loved her. Amnon was so distressed over his sister Tamar that he became sick; for she was a virgin. And it was improper for Amnon to do anything to her. But Amnon had a friend whose name was Jonadab the son of Shimeah, David’s brother. Now Jonadab was a very crafty man. And he said to him, "Why are you, the king's son, becoming thinner day after day? Will you not tell me?"Amnon said to him, "I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister." So Jonadab said to him, "Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill. And when your father comes to see you, say to him, 'Please let my sister Tamar come and give me food, and prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat it from her hand.'" Then Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill; and when the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, "Please let Tamar my sister come and make a couple of cakes for me in my sight, that I may eat from her hand." And David sent home to Tamar, saying, "Now go to your brother Amnon's house, and prepare food for him." So Tamar went to her brother Amnon's house; and he was lying down. Then she took flour and kneaded it, made cakes in his sight, and baked the cakes. And she took the pan and placed them out before him, but he refused to eat. Then Amnon said, "Have everyone go out from me." And they all went out from him. Then Amnon said to Tamar, "Bring the food into the bedroom, that I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the cakes which she had made, and brought them to Amnon her brother in the bedroom. Now when she had brought them to him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, "Come, lie with me, my sister." But she answered him, "No, my brother, do not force me, for no such thing should be done in Israel. Do not do this disgraceful thing! And I, where could I take my shame? And as for you, you would be like one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king; for he will not withhold me from you." However, he would not heed her voice; and being stronger than she, he forced her and lay with her. Then Amnon hated her exceedingly, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, "Arise, be gone!" So she said to him, "No, indeed! This evil of sending me away is worse than the other that you did to me." But he would not listen to her. Then he called his servant who attended him, and said, "Here! Put this woman out, away from me, and bolt the door behind her." Now she had on a robe of many colors, for the king's virgin daughters wore such apparel. And his servant put her out and bolted the door behind her. Then Tamar put ashes on her head, and tore her robe of many colors that was on her, and laid her hand on her head and went away crying bitterly. And Absalom her brother said to her, "Has Amnon your brother been with you? But now hold your peace, my sister. He is your brother; do not take this thing to heart." So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom's house. But when King David heard of all these things, he was very angry. And Absalom spoke to his brother Amnon neither good nor bad. For Absalom hated Amnon, because he had forced his sister Tamar. And it came to pass, after two full years, that Absalom had sheepshearers in Baal Hazor, which is near Ephraim; so Absalom invited all the king’s sons. Then Absalom came to the king and said, "Kindly note, your servant has sheepshearers; please, let the king and his servants go with your servant." But the king said to Absalom, “No, my son, let us not all go now, lest we be a burden to you." Then he urged him, but he would not go; and he blessed him. Then Absalom said, "If not, please let my brother Amnon go with us. And the king said to him, "Why should he go with you?" But Absalom urged him; so he let Amnon and all the king’s sons go with him. Now Absalom had commanded his servants, saying, "Watch now, when Amnon's heart is merry with wine, and when I say to you, 'Strike Amnon!' then kill him. Do not be afraid. Have I not commanded you? Be courageous and valiant." So the servants of Absalom did to Amnon as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king’s sons arose, and each one got on his mule and fled. And it came to pass, while they were on the way, that news came to David, saying, "Absalom has killed all the king's sons, and not one of them is left!" So the king arose and tore his garments and lay on the ground, and all his servants stood by with their clothes torn. Then Jonadab the son of Shimeah, David’s brother, answered and said, "Let not my lord suppose they have killed all the young men, the king's sons, for only Amnon is dead. For by the command of Absalom this has been determined from the day that he forced his sister Tamar. Now therefore, let not my lord the king take the thing to his heart, to think that all the king’s sons are dead. For only Amnon is dead." Then Absalom fled. And the young man who was keeping watch lifted his eyes and looked, and there, many people were coming from the road on the hillside behind him. And Jonadab said to the king, "Look, the king's sons are coming; as your servant said, so it is." So it was, as soon as he had finished speaking, that the king's sons indeed came, and they lifted up their voice and wept. Also the king and all his servants wept very bitterly. But Absalom fled and went to Talmai the son of Ammihud, king of Geshur. And David mourned for his son every day. So Absalom fled and went to Geshur, and was there three years. And King David longed to go to Absalom. For he had been comforted concerning Amnon, because he was dead.

Warrior King

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/video/video.php?v=685833756675


----------------/A Warrior King: The Thoughts of Jesus on The Cross Enduring Jeers/



Im thirty-three...
and the greatest temptation I face is not to pry these nails
from my hands (try to dress and doctor my wounds)
and walk towards Rome
nor to dislodge the plaited thorns embedded in my scalp
nor to stir winds and hurl down fire from heaven -
annihilating, and dispelling my taunting, chaffing onlookers
I can withstand blood pouring in my eyes and the constriction
of my lungs. and the scorn, and the prattling ravens circling
threatening to gouge my ears
the proud and cavalier Roman soldiers casting lots for my garments
robing and disrobing themselves in clothes my father once gave me
and morally craven criminals deliberating on my innocence
...no...the foremost entrapment I face, is to cede ground to regret
to question whether my mission is right despite lack of support
to lose heart and abdicate my strength of will
and let the thronging masses have what they want instead: a warrior king
and I would create one just for them – and imagine him to be me
and for just a spell allow myself to be embraced by genuine exultation
in synagogues across the land
greeted by exuberant children forced to dance on their mother's shoulders
kissed by rabbis, feet washed by high priests
adorned in jewels and the splendor of one revered - respected
I would pretend I knew what it was like to be loved as freely
as I freely loved
and willingly subdued my rage
to display my magnanimity
and comfort them like God only can
as they put down their spears
and stopped stabbing me
stopped trying to dilute my sincerity
by mixing water of their intemperance with my
sacrificial blood


(That is my greatest vulnerability, my greatest temptation)

Matthew 27:42-44--------------
"He saved others," they said, "but he can't save himself! He's the King of Israel! Let him come down now from the cross, and we will believe in him. He trusts in God. Let God rescue him now if he wants him, for he said, 'I am the Son of God.' " In the same way the robbers who were crucified with him also heaped insults on him.

A Letter From Satan

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/video/video.php?v=685048754825

------Isaiah 14:12-----------------
How you have fallen from heaven,
O morning star, son of the dawn!
You have been cast down to the earth,
you who once laid low the nations!


>>>>>>>>>>>>>
From: Lucifer, Angel of Light (brightmorningstar@hell.com)
Subject: My Dearest Child, Greetings
To: Tony Conti (thejesusmetaphor@yahoo.com)
Date: Saturday, January 23, 2010, 12:37 AM
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.>>>





Dearest Tony,

My child*, it is very cold where I am residing
(my fingertips are numbing as I type this to you, lol)
sometimes the only warmth I find is musing on the love we share*
I hope and pray that you are faring better, that this season*
doesn't find you sullen and unappreciative of the great joys*
abundantly supplied all around us.
I may be shivering but I suppose you must be quite relaxed and comfortable?
I make this inference based on my assumption that the packages
I mailed you have been received?
I made sure to inundate you with lust, avarice, covetousness and rage
selfishness and indifference to those in need
distractions, I hope from charity and altruism
these of course, should be understood as requisites for daily living
it is only right to feed the rapacious desires we have within
without heed to discretion or restraint
and god knows, we’re both sick of some old "taskmaster up in the sky"
always dictating what we should or shouldn't do
**it, you know?
and to hell with anyone else...let those who need help procure it for themselves
they have recourse to the same two hands we have don't they, lol?
"let the rich get richer" is the worn tag line around here!

But I had hoped to be able to expound on our last conversation-
when you had doubts about my assertion that "God" is a myth-
and in this regard I need only turn your attention to Haiti
200,000 dead and the death toll rises in direct correlation with time elapsing
and you insist on this dogma of "God?"
reiteration: dont donate any money to them...
the last time we drank beer* I told you as much – that we need to jettison
this phony travesty of rational belief called Christianity
and live for the moment
(You will never find the love you so stridently demand all to know you want
If you don’t cease waiting on some mythical being
go, young man and find a wife already! Strip clubs, non descript bars
at 3am
pornography websites...opportunity abounds for the persistent
unscrupulous seeker)
Tony, I just want whats best for you
this God delusion you have is alienating people from you; its not worth
the risk, the recriminations if you end up alone
I sincerely hope you don't misinterpret what I am about to say to you:
please discontinue, and furthermore, abolish your little pathetic blog
it accomplishes nothing but ridicule and scorn for you
turn your computer off and instead be mired in self-discovery
before you sleep
because, I hate to be redundant, all you need is you
no one else, not even me. Notwithstanding, I would love for you to visit me in person
so my crude adumbrations of my home *
no longer serve as your sole mental pictures


I hope you sleep well, my friend.
Cogitate seriously on the content just transcribed…
Until we next correspond,

Lovingly yours,

Lucifer





--------John 8:44
You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.
Jude 1:6-------------------
And the angels which kept not their first estate, but left their own habitation, he hath reserved in everlasting chains under darkness unto the judgment of the great day.
Ezekiel 28:11-19----------------
The word of the LORD came to me:"Son of man, take up a lament concerning the king of Tyre and say to him: 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says:
" 'You were the model of perfection,
full of wisdom and perfect in beauty.
You were in Eden,
the garden of God;
every precious stone adorned you:
ruby, topaz and emerald,
chrysolite, onyx and jasper,
sapphire, turquoise and beryl.
Your settings and mountings were made of gold;
on the day you were created they were prepared.
You were anointed as a guardian cherub,
for so I ordained you.
You were on the holy mount of God;
you walked among the fiery stones.
You were blameless in your ways
from the day you were created
till wickedness was found in you.
Through your widespread trade
you were filled with violence,
and you sinned.
So I drove you in disgrace from the mount of God,
and I expelled you, O guardian cherub,
from among the fiery stones.
Your heart became proud
on account of your beauty,
and you corrupted your wisdom
because of your splendor.
So I threw you to the earth;
I made a spectacle of you before kings.
By your many sins and dishonest trade
you have desecrated your sanctuaries.
So I made a fire come out from you,
and it consumed you,
and I reduced you to ashes on the ground
in the sight of all who were watching.
All the nations who knew you
are appalled at you;
you have come to a horrible end
and will be no more.' "

Wheat Dying

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#/video/video.php?v=684842198765


-----------------------[Wheat Dying - Jesus' Words to His Disciples Before His Impending Death/ John 12 ]



You and I aren't so different
we both want to breathe without thinking twice
about tomorrow
and to walk freely and pretend to grab the wind
as it coolly slides between our fingers
sitting on grassy knolls watching the sun fall asleep
or to jump from precipices into oceans and blend in with the tide
as it ushers us safely to shore
someone once told me that those who boast most effectively about God
are the ones who are most duplicitous
but I never believed that,
I always ascribed to the belief that from the heart the mouth speaks
and that if one proclaims something its usually voluntarily and genuine
we both want to feel loved
and to love commensurate with this love and sometimes unduly
to win the heart of our beloved and thus ensure
we never die alone
If I do boast, I boast in God’s power to save
to energize an often tepid existence without Him
and galvanize the downtrodden and maligned to fight battles
within themselves;
that we don't live just to dwell on and wait for dying
we want to watch the sun ascend to his royal court amongst the clouds
and exhale
because we know we are fully understood and whats important to us
is important to the ones we love as well




John 12:23-26-------------
Jesus replied, "The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.

Jennifer Love Hewitt, Your Love Keeps My Feet From Swelling

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/video/video.php?v=684588422335


------------------[Jennifer Love Hewitt, Your Love Keeps My Feet From Swelling]


My loneliness is a group of Israelites screaming
because it hurts me to be without you;
like flayed flesh and whip worn backs

But the thought of us together led me out of my captivity
your beauty is an unquenchable burning bush
with leaves that never wither commissioning a shepherd
to lead my hopes through a tempestuous sea of adversity
chased by the Egyptian army of my occasional pessimistic predilections
(honestly I think you too good for me)
peacefully as though through dry land
en route to matrimony; the land I promised myself was mine
if I just endured in my faith in you
(in us)

because your beneficence, and your grace
is like a panorama of miracles unfurling
is a cloud of flames dispelling my darkest thoughts
(that you would hate me if you really knew me)
is manna (angel's food) descending daily from the Summit of romance
satiating my hunger for loveliness
is water hewn from a massive rock
quenching my passionate thirst for a worthy object of desire
and I would walk 40 years if it took that long
yet I know even then your kindness would preserve my garments
(my confidence)
and protect my feet from swelling

Jennifer, your absence feels like a father chastening his son
but I know deep inside you are with me through my journey
and that eventually patience will bring our love to bear




-----------------------Deuteronomy 8:1-5
"Every commandment which I command you today you must be careful to observe, that you may live and multiply, and go in and possess the land of which the LORD swore to your fathers. And you shall remember that the LORD your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. So He humbled you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the LORD. Your garments did not wear out on you, nor did your foot swell these forty years. You should know in your heart that as a man chastens his son, so the LORD your God chastens you.

In The Tombs And Hills - The REAL Legion Story!!!

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/video/video.php?v=684342175815

----------------------[In The Tombs And Hills; The Thoughts Of The Man Infested With Demons]

I used to come here to get rest
(among those already sleep)
and bathe my skin in the glow of the full moon:
it helped quell the voices within me
and soothe the burning I felt
momentarily erase the tortuous memories I retain
from a life scorned
because no one knows the agony of being pulled in multiple directions
(black silhouettes encircling you)
concurrently, and no one knows the crescendo of screams like I do
advocating: CUT YOURSELF WITH STONES
the terror of wanting to sob but its enunciated as a howl
and wanting to hug someone for comfort
but its expressed as a balled fist across your sister's face
I am dismayed by chains – treated as if an animal when all I want
is to be understood...healed...for someone to listen
not for groups of men to take turns slamming my head against tombstones
of the prophets of our ancestors
abandoning me to death, left with open wounds, blood pouring
left alone out here
like the carcass of a slain beast for the vultures to devour;
Before, when I was young
the cacophonies were just whispers...suggestions
I went to school, flirted with girls, caroused with the guys
steadfastly suppressing this presage
now not a night goes by that I don’t develop excruciating headaches
yelling in my head, scorching my body; grating
my friends used to call me Nathaniel, proficient schoolyard wrestler
(smooth with the ladies)
but now these incessant vociferations keep calling me LEGION YOU ARE DEAD
LEGION YOU ARE DEAD
LEGION YOU ARE DEAD




(and I don't know how to make it stop...)




------------------Mark 5:1-9
They went across the lake to the region of the Gerasenes. When Jesus got out of the boat, a man with an evil spirit came from the tombs to meet him. This man lived in the tombs, and no one could bind him any more, not even with a chain. For he had often been chained hand and foot, but he tore the chains apart and broke the irons on his feet. No one was strong enough to subdue him. Night and day among the tombs and in the hills he would cry out and cut himself with stones. When he saw Jesus from a distance, he ran and fell on his knees in front of him. He shouted at the top of his voice, "What do you want with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? Swear to God that you won't torture me!" For Jesus had said to him, "Come out of this man, you evil spirit!" Then Jesus asked him, "What is your name?"
"My name is Legion," he replied, "for we are many."

Jennifer I Need Your Love Like I Need Lost Donkeys!!!!

http://www.facebook.com/video/?id=18409359#/video/video.php?v=682523764925

"Then the Spirit of the Lord will come upon you mightily, and you will show yourself to be a prophet with them; and you will be turned into another man" 1 Samuel 10:6


-------------[ Jennifer I Seek Your Love Like I Seek Lost Donkeys; Like Saul Transformed]


Jennifer,
The zeal I possess is a head taller than everyone
my heart wanders, it staggers
through Ephraim, Shalishah, and Zuph
through lands of self loathing
seeking your reciprocated love
I am like a son anxious to find
his father’s lost donkeys
growing restive as each day passes that I cant
see you, or hear your voice...
or take you back home to my kin – and your home too
(in the least, that's what I always hoped for)
willing to try anything
go through desperate measures for guidance
even venture to high places of sacrifice
and eat dinner amongst strangers
heeding my conscience like it was my servant
begging me to solicit a seer; to seek Heaven for help
even if it costs me the last quarter shekel of strength
my soul has left

My love for you is like choice meat at the table
lifted high on the shoulders of most eager romantic goals
of my most grandiose dreams for us together
(sitting shoulder to shoulder on rolling hillsides
as the sun sets and a gentle breeze grazes our necks)
It was set aside until the hour appointed
it was kept until I found someone I could fall in love with
someone I could converse with a seer about -
on the roof of his house
overlooking the horizons of our shared destiny

My intentions for you are pure like a vial of oil
poured on my head, consecrating
and I'll let it run down my body and touch my feet
but the erratic breathing, the shortness of breath wont cease
until two men by Rachel's tomb (where I bury my execrable thoughts)
say to me, "The donkeys you sought are found"
and I am in the company of prophets coming down from the high place
with harp, tambourine, flute, and lyre
prophesying God's Word about you and me:
that we will be together forever.
my joy would be boundless;
I would be changed into another man
If that happened



(your husband)

------------------------
1 Samuel 9 – 10:9
THERE WAS a man of Benjamin whose name was Kish son of Abiel, the son of Zeror, the son of Becorath, the son of Aphiah, a Benjamite, a mighty man of wealth and valor. Kish had a son named Saul, a choice young man and handsome; among all the Israelites there was not a man more handsome than he. He was a head taller than any of the people.The donkeys of Kish, Saul's father, were lost. Kish said to Saul, Take a servant with you and go, look for the donkeys. And they passed through the hill country of Ephraim and the land of Shalishah, but did not find them. Then they went through the land of Shaalim and the land of Benjamin, but did not find them. And when they came to the land of Zuph, Saul said to his servant, Come, let us return, lest my father stop worrying about the donkeys and become concerned about us. The servant said to him, Behold now, there is in this city a man of God, a man held in honor; all that he says surely comes true. Now let us go there. Perhaps he can show us where we should go. Then Saul said to his servant, But if we go, what shall we bring the man? The bread in our sacks is gone, and there is no gift for the man of God. What have we? The servant replied, I have here a quarter of a shekel of silver. I will give that to the man of God to tell us our way--(Formerly in Israel, when a man went to inquire of God, he said, Come, let us go to the seer, for he that is now called a prophet was formerly called a seer.) Saul said to his servant, Well said; come, let us go. So they went to the city where the man of God was. As they went up the hill to the city, they met young maidens going out to draw water, and said to them, Is the seer here? They answered, He is; behold, he is just beyond you. Hurry, for he came today to the city because the people have a sacrifice today on the high place. As you enter the city, you will find him before he goes up to the high place to eat. The people will not eat until he comes to ask the blessing on the sacrifice. Afterward, those who are invited eat. So go on up, for about now you will find him. So they went up to the city, and as they were entering, behold, Samuel came toward them, going up to the high place. Now a day before Saul came, the Lord had revealed to Samuel in his ear, Tomorrow about this time I will send you a man from the land of Benjamin, and you shall anoint him to be leader over My people Israel; and he shall save them out of the hand of the Philistines. For I have looked upon the distress of My people, because their cry has come to Me. When Samuel saw Saul, the Lord told him, There is the man of whom I told you. He shall have authority over My people. Then Saul came near to Samuel in the gate and said, Tell me where is the seer's house? Samuel answered Saul, I am the seer. Go up before me to the high place, for you shall eat with me today, and tomorrow I will let you go and will tell you all that is on your mind. As for your donkeys that were lost three days ago, do not be thinking about them, for they are found. And for whom are all the desirable things of Israel? Are they not for you and for all your father's house? And Saul said, Am I not a Benjamite, of the smallest of the tribes of Israel? And is not my family the least of all the families of the clans of Benjamin? Why then do you speak this way to me? Then Samuel took Saul and his servant and brought them into the guest room [at the high place] and had them sit in the chief place among the persons--about thirty of them--who were invited. [The other people feasted outside.] And Samuel said to the cook, Bring the portion which I gave you, of which I said to you, Set it aside. And the cook lifted high the shoulder and what was on it [indicating that it was the priest's honored portion] and set it before Saul. [Samuel] said, See what was reserved for you. Eat, for until the hour appointed it was kept for you, ever since I invited the people. So Saul ate that day with Samuel. When they had come down from the high place into the city, Samuel conversed with Saul on the top of the house. They arose early and about dawn Samuel called Saul [who was sleeping] on the top of the house, saying, Get up, that I may send you on your way. Saul arose, and both he and Samuel went out on the street. And as they were going down to the outskirts of the city, Samuel said to Saul, Bid the servant pass on before us--and he passed on--but you stand still, first, that I may cause you to hear the word of God. THEN SAMUEL took the vial of oil and poured it on Saul's head and kissed him and said, Has not the Lord anointed you to be prince over His heritage Israel?When you have left me today, you will meet two men by Rachel's tomb in the territory of Benjamin at Zelzah, and they will say to you, The donkeys you sought are found. And your father has quit caring about them and is anxious for you, asking, What shall I do about my son? Then you will go on from there and you will come to the oak of Tabor, and three men going up to God at Bethel will meet you there, one carrying three kids, another carrying three loaves of bread, and another carrying a skin bottle of wine. They will greet you and give you two loaves of bread, which you shall accept from their hand. After that you will come to the hill of God, where the garrison of the Philistines is; and when you come to the city, you will meet a company of prophets coming down from the high place with harp, tambourine, flute, and lyre before them, prophesying. Then the Spirit of the Lord will come upon you mightily, and you will show yourself to be a prophet with them; and you will be turned into another man. When these signs meet you, do whatever you find to be done, for God is with you. You shall go down before me to Gilgal; and behold, I will come down to you to offer burnt offerings and to sacrifice peace offerings. You shall wait seven days until I come to you and show you what you shall do. And when [Saul] had turned his back to leave Samuel, God gave him another heart, and all these signs came to pass that day.

Death Chasing

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. (1 Corinthians 9:24-27)

*dedicated to "M" and "J" and "S". I feel your rejections but Im gonna keep on keeping on, ya feel me?

-------------[The Thoughts of The Apostle Paul On Running The Race]


If death ever bears down on your door
do not scurry away, overwhelmed with fright…
let him in and if at all possible, sup together
and discuss with him everything in life you could've had
but now, most likely never will
your regrets
the cherished names of girls you most likely will never let go
but whom have since jettisoned you by the wayside
of their hearts
long ago
and tell him rote smiles don't bring people back to life
or move them back into your town
or resurrect old opportunities
or reconstruct the past
and often you forgo sleep to cogitate on the person you
should've been if it weren't for the accumulation
of petty mistakes you made advertent or not
but that all you have now is the prospect
of salvaging the remaining moments you have left to breathe
and you wont squander the future because
you are duly prepared now
...tell death you don't know his intentions for visiting
but that youd rather not, youd rather be ignorant
but only he'd better start running if he has expectations
of your expedient demise
because you wont make the same mistakes again
you have a lot more living, and loving and laughing to do
before you cross the finish line
lest you die in vain



(you'll beat him there...you'll get the crown this time...you're going to make something of your life starting tonight)


I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith (2 Timothy 4:7)

Remember the Chains

"Remember my chains" – The Apostle Paul


----------[Remember My Chains: The Thoughts of The Apostle Paul While Imprisoned]


In prison (dark and dank),
the only companions you have are your memories
(and sheer silence)
whether good or ill
and you are consoled by the pleasantness of your virtues
and haunted by the shame of your evils
as you shimmy and shake your legs to scatter the rats lurking
entertaining thoughts of devouring your flesh
...and you assess your life, filtering out the extraneous matters
wondering when, if ever, your heart was truly pure
and at what point you veered
(and why)
or if you’ll ever get another chance to redeem lost chances
at old loves, wilted friendships, words never spoken
but you always meant to say
and to satisfy those whom you disappointed, and even
rectify the issues for those who you could never please
even if you could
and you relish all the times you experienced mutual joy
but honestly
I wish I never unsheathed my sword
or balked and doled out orders to kill the innocent
I wish I could wash the stained blood of the martyrs I made
from my conscience, the chief of all sinners
all my earnest attempts at rescuing those in throes of death
are interrupted by my waking up
realizing the past will always be a memory
no matter the intensity of my efforts to revisit the man I used to be
in the midst of this soul searching I can only find comfort
in the mystery of divine forgiveness
salvation from all malice of soul
rest from all guilt and lasting peace
in a fresh rebirth
because even in a prison chained like an animal
one can close his eyes
and fancy himself standing in the next life
white and pure, the score settled;
free to talk to God with no disrepute


(it is only in this promise that I find dignity in my chains)






-----------------------------
Colossians 4
Masters, provide your slaves with what is right and fair, because you know that you also have a Master in heaven. Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Tychicus will tell you all the news about me. He is a dear brother, a faithful minister and fellow servant in the Lord. I am sending him to you for the express purpose that you may know about our circumstances and that he may encourage your hearts. He is coming with Onesimus, our faithful and dear brother, who is one of you. They will tell you everything that is happening here. My fellow prisoner Aristarchus sends you his greetings, as does Mark, the cousin of Barnabas. (You have received instructions about him; if he comes to you, welcome him.) Jesus, who is called Justus, also sends greetings. These are the only Jews among my fellow workers for the kingdom of God, and they have proved a comfort to me. Epaphras, who is one of you and a servant of Christ Jesus, sends greetings. He is always wrestling in prayer for you, that you may stand firm in all the will of God, mature and fully assured. I vouch for him that he is working hard for you and for those at Laodicea and Hierapolis. Our dear friend Luke, the doctor, and Demas send greetings. Give my greetings to the brothers at Laodicea, and to Nympha and the church in her house. After this letter has been read to you, see that it is also read in the church of the Laodiceans and that you in turn read the letter from Laodicea. Tell Archippus: "See to it that you complete the work you have received in the Lord." I, Paul, write this greeting in my own hand. Remember my chains. Grace be with you.

Zoe Saldana, Not Being With You is Like Abner's Spear!!!

http://www.facebook.com/video/#/video/video.php?v=680710508705

* Dedicated to Kid Cudi "The Sky Might Fall"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WW_Lr-K5eZY

The battle that day was very fierce, and Abner and the men of Israel were defeated by David's men. The three sons of Zeruiah were there: Joab, Abishai and Asahel. Now Asahel was as fleet-footed as a wild gazelle. He chased Abner, turning neither to the right nor to the left as he pursued him. Abner looked behind him and asked, "Is that you, Asahel?" "It is," he answered. Then Abner said to him, "Turn aside to the right or to the left; take on one of the young men and strip him of his weapons." But Asahel would not stop chasing him. Again Abner warned Asahel, "Stop chasing me! Why should I strike you down? How could I look your brother Joab in the face?" But Asahel refused to give up the pursuit; so Abner thrust the butt of his spear into Asahel's stomach, and the spear came out through his back. He fell there and died on the spot. And every man stopped when he came to the place where Asahel had fallen and died. (2 Samuel 2:17-23)

----------------[Zoe Saldana, I Will NOT Turn Aside From Pursuing You- Asahel’s Cry]

Listen...
Like Saul, my loneliness is dead and buried
by the passing of time (men of Jabesh Gilead)
hope springs for new relationships in Hebron
and pressing opportunity awaits at the pool of Gibeon
and I challenge myself to stand and fight
for the chance to find the love of my life
if only for one day
especially for a girl like you

And the battle waged is fierce
timidity against boldness
the groundswell of emotion inside of me is like 24 men
stabbing each other's side, while grabbing each other’s head
because I don't want to lose out
and cry myself to sleep another night, shivering and striking the wall
...I don’t want to regress to sleeping under a bare black sky
no moon and stars – no promise of love tomorrow
but I wouldn't know what to say to you
and, and, and I wouldn’t know how to impress
but my eagerness must overcome my fears like Israel
overcome by Judah, roaring like a lion

Abner is the probability that you are my soulmate spurned
due to passivity, he is those who argue we are a lost cause
the captain of demure and bashful, fleeing in a chariot
of recurring regret
...an untenable position that must be murdered without delay
Zoe, my zeal for a chance with you makes me swift as a wild gazelle
just the thought of your kiss ensures that I will never be outrun;
I will chase anything that attempts to dissolve my love for you
I will go after you (with all my strength)
bristling at any suggestion to compromise or
to turn aside to the right or to the left
I am appalled at having no one special to call my own
at not having you here in my arms
and anyone wishing me to cease or fatigue
better run a spear of misfortune through my stomach
and out my back
(a sight so horrid that all who see me abruptly halt, silently mourn)
because until that happens I will keep running
I will keep running


(I will see to it that nothing comes between us -You are too good of a woman for me to pass up!)



-----------2 Samuel 2:1-32
In the course of time, David inquired of the LORD. "Shall I go up to one of the towns of Judah?" he asked.
The LORD said, "Go up."
David asked, "Where shall I go?"
"To Hebron," the LORD answered.
So David went up there with his two wives, Ahinoam of Jezreel and Abigail, the widow of Nabal of Carmel. David also took the men who were with him, each with his family, and they settled in Hebron and its towns. Then the men of Judah came to Hebron and there they anointed David king over the house of Judah. When David was told that it was the men of Jabesh Gilead who had buried Saul, he sent messengers to the men of Jabesh Gilead to say to them, "The LORD bless you for showing this kindness to Saul your master by burying him. May the LORD now show you kindness and faithfulness, and I too will show you the same favor because you have done this. Now then, be strong and brave, for Saul your master is dead, and the house of Judah has anointed me king over them."Meanwhile, Abner son of Ner, the commander of Saul's army, had taken Ish-Bosheth son of Saul and brought him over to Mahanaim. He made him king over Gilead, Ashuri and Jezreel, and also over Ephraim, Benjamin and all Israel. Ish-Bosheth son of Saul was forty years old when he became king over Israel, and he reigned two years. The house of Judah, however, followed David. The length of time David was king in Hebron over the house of Judah was seven years and six months. Abner son of Ner, together with the men of Ish-Bosheth son of Saul, left Mahanaim and went to Gibeon. Joab son of Zeruiah and David's men went out and met them at the pool of Gibeon. One group sat down on one side of the pool and one group on the other side. Then Abner said to Joab, "Let's have some of the young men get up and fight hand to hand in front of us. "All right, let them do it," Joab said. So they stood up and were counted off—twelve men for Benjamin and Ish-Bosheth son of Saul, and twelve for David. Then each man grabbed his opponent by the head and thrust his dagger into his opponent's side, and they fell down together. So that place in Gibeon was called Helkath Hazzurim. The battle that day was very fierce, and Abner and the men of Israel were defeated by David's men. The three sons of Zeruiah were there: Joab, Abishai and Asahel. Now Asahel was as fleet-footed as a wild gazelle. He chased Abner, turning neither to the right nor to the left as he pursued him. Abner looked behind him and asked, "Is that you, Asahel?" "It is," he answered. Then Abner said to him, "Turn aside to the right or to the left; take on one of the young men and strip him of his weapons." But Asahel would not stop chasing him. Again Abner warned Asahel, "Stop chasing me! Why should I strike you down? How could I look your brother Joab in the face?" But Asahel refused to give up the pursuit; so Abner thrust the butt of his spear into Asahel's stomach, and the spear came out through his back. He fell there and died on the spot. And every man stopped when he came to the place where Asahel had fallen and died. But Joab and Abishai pursued Abner, and as the sun was setting, they came to the hill of Ammah, near Giah on the way to the wasteland of Gibeon. Then the men of Benjamin rallied behind Abner. They formed themselves into a group and took their stand on top of a hill.Abner called out to Joab, "Must the sword devour forever? Don't you realize that this will end in bitterness? How long before you order your men to stop pursuing their brothers?"Joab answered, "As surely as God lives, if you had not spoken, the men would have continued the pursuit of their brothers until morning."So Joab blew the trumpet, and all the men came to a halt; they no longer pursued Israel, nor did they fight anymore.All that night Abner and his men marched through the Arabah. They crossed the Jordan, continued through the whole Bithron and came to Mahanaim.Then Joab returned from pursuing Abner and assembled all his men. Besides Asahel, nineteen of David's men were found missing. But David's men had killed three hundred and sixty Benjamites who were with Abner. They took Asahel and buried him in his father's tomb at Bethlehem. Then Joab and his men marched all night and arrived at Hebron by daybreak.


Kid Cudi, The Sky Might Fall "lyrics"
------------------------------------/
What a world that I'm livin' in
Will the rainstorms ever end?
Still I feel my path narrow I run again
See happiness is gone again

And then you see 'em gray clouds up above, man
Metaphor to my life, man
Still I feel my heart stronger then it's ever been
Strong will to my journey ends

'Til then I roll more then I've ever rolled
Not pills but the marioll
Still I feel my eyes heavy when the days go
Nothing helping with my head dose

But I ain't sleepin', awake in another state
Livin' in a new space
Still I feel my mind runnin' at a steady pace
God help me so I'll win the race

'Til then I call
The sky might fall, the sky might fall
But I'm not worried at all
Come on, come on
The sky might fall, the sky might fall
But I'm not worried at all

Hey, hey, I let 'em know some
I let 'em know some, I let 'em know some
You can listen up, listen up, listen up, listen up
Hey, I let 'em know some
I let 'em know some, I let 'em know some
You can listen up, listen up, listen up, listen up

Grey clouds took together fam
Lining piercing to another land
Over the desert wit' the lost play
Soul searching each in every way

An then you see the
Awesome sounds so profound within it'll grip you
You can see it if you hear, you can feel it too
Somethin' special I am runnin' to

'Til then I go away, very far away
To another universe where all people say
Its a new, new place for the special to embrace
Like a Martian you seein' it wandered out the place

Take what you need from the valley of the hopeful
Even if you dry you'll be floatin' high above it
You can say bye, bye, bye
Sky might be fallin' but remember you can fly high

The sky might fall, the sky might fall
But I'm not worried at all
Come on, come on
The sky might fall, the sky might fall
But I'm not worried at all

Hey, hey, I let 'em know some
I let 'em know some, I let 'em know some
You can listen up, listen up, listen up, listen up
Hey, I let 'em know some
I let 'em know some, I let 'em know some
You can listen up, listen up, listen up, listen up

I keep runnin', yeah, I gotta keep up, gotta keep up
Yeah, gotta keep up, gotta keep up
And I keep runnin', yeah, I gotta keep up, gotta keep up
Yeah, gotta keep up, I gotta keep up, yeah

'Cause I'm gone, yeah, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na
I'm up and away, na, na, na, na
You know what I'm about? Hey, hey

Kim Kardashian...Dont Let My Emotions BURN ALIVE!!!!

Then I saw the beast and the kings of the earth and their armies gathered together to make war against the rider on the horse and his army. But the beast was captured, and with him the false prophet who had performed the miraculous signs on his behalf. With these signs he had deluded those who had received the mark of the beast and worshiped his image. The two of them were thrown alive into the fiery lake of burning sulfur. – (Revelation 19:19-20)

-------------[Kim, My Emotions Will Burn Alive...In a Lake of Sulfur (Without You)]------------
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=680413209495

Kim, baby
the end is nearing for me
without you by my side
to Hell with the earth and its inhabitants
my despair is like a great dragon
my forlornness is like a beast with ten horns and seven heads
(like a leopard, feet like a bear)
my crying is a beast with two horns like a lamb, (herald of the dragon)
and I swear to God I will utter blasphemous things
against all that is good, virtuous and noble...if I cant marry you
I will make war with the saints – those who naysay
my malcontent will reign down fire from heaven, and everyone
will worship images of the proclamations of my love
my adjurations for us to conjoin our souls – forever
the severity of my fidelity will bedazzle the masses
it is the mark of my trinitarian beast of emotion
it will be like commerce, and I will force it on those who disbelieve
my affections for you are real
(all dissidents will die)

And even if these dreams don't come to bear
...even if these feelings are unrequited
I will stand firm in my zeal, my ardor
Insouciant before seven angels of death
carrying seven bowls of lovers' disdain
channeling harbingers of my demise:
sores of losing you,
seas, rivers and fountains of blood poisoning hope
scorching fires of your forthright rejection
the darkness of not knowing how I will survive alone
parched land and unclean spirits gathering hoards of self inflicted scorn
great earthquakes and deadly hailstorms to echo my great wailing

Even if I stand bound
rippling waves of sulfur scorching my toes
on the shores of eternal torment of disappointment
you will hear me screaming
of lost opportunities to be with you…for all eternity



(daggum it....that Reggie Bus h sure is blessed to have you!!!)

(Kimmy!!!! I want you SOOOOO BAAAAD! Like Revelation 19 and 20, my emotions will burn if you reject me!!!....Dont do me like Michael the Archangel!!!....HOLLA HUN!!!!!)

-------------------------------------------------
But fire came down from heaven and devoured them. And the devil, who deceived them, was thrown into the lake of burning sulfur, where the beast and the false prophet had been thrown. They will be tormented day and night for ever and ever. (Revelation 20:9b-10)