Prison Break

*Jesus pray for me
* dedicated to anyone going through a tough time right now
* dedicated to all souls imprisoned

+--------------------------/Prison Break; Jesus' Words To The Souls In Prison

"Your eyes have been closed
for too long, lips pursed
speaking with clenched jaw
only of death, of
your last moments spent on earth
dying, and of being reprobate.
There are no walls here,
no colors,
nor solid material forms, all
is one vast expanse of unrelenting notions,
an unending level plane of hazy consciousness
contrasted against black dreariness,
the blackness perceived
only through emotion,
an assembly of woeful hearts in
the desert without sun, moon or stars.
Yet hopelessness echoes-
thoughts of despair reverberating as
if deflecting off prison walls of solid stone,
regret is like dank air,
memories like chains rusting on flayed skin,
your past sins are callous jailers swinging keys
of your failed dreams before you
just beyond arm’s reach. Whisperings of
names of the ones you used to love
encircle you, tickling your ears before
you try to sleep,
allowing you no convalescence.    
I understand your sorrow fully.
But now the time has come,
to stand up and claim your new flesh
and bone. Displace the ether of
this depression with belief and matter,
life beyond iron bars, and realize that
prophesied mass liberation has come to all-
faith, hope, salvation, forgiveness, love-
that the only incarcerated souls who remain
are those who have simply refused
a God crucified for this Objective Truth:   
That to believe in me is to finally see again."


-------------------1 Peter 3:18-19
For Christ also died for sins once for all, the just for the unjust, so that He might bring us to God, having been put to death in the flesh, but made alive in the spirit; in which also He went and made proclamation to the spirits now in prison

--------------------Isaiah 49:8-9 Thus says the LORD, "In a favorable time I have answered You, And in a day of salvation I have helped You; And I will keep You and give You for a covenant of the people, To restore the land, to make them inherit the desolate heritages; Saying to those who are bound, 'Go forth,' To those who are in darkness, 'Show yourselves.' Along the roads they will feed, And their pasture will be on all bare heights.

Tony Conti, A King (Forever) Forsaken [1 Samuel 13-15] #iamkingsaul

* dedicated to the Saul Ive become
* Jesus pray for me
* dedicated to ** - Hopefully you know who you are
* dedicated to Linkin Park, Leave Out All The Rest
www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZIummTz9mM

#iamkingsaul

And Samuel said unto Saul, I will not return with thee: for thou hast rejected the word of the LORD, and the LORD hath rejected thee from being king over Israel. And as Samuel turned about to go away, he laid hold upon the skirt of his mantle, and it rent. – 1 Samuel 15:26-27

+-------------------------/Tony Conti, A King (Forever) Forsaken  [1 Samuel 13-15]

When I came to know you, olive oil,
cinnamon, myrhh -poured
from a prophets horn-
onto my head and trickling  down my beard,
I became a new man,
full of ebullience. Then I was, from
the shoulders up, taller than
all of my contemporaries
and well esteemed. Yet even then
I fled from my coronation seeking
refuge from my doubts in a cave,
quivering, uncertain of my competence,
frustrated at not fully knowing who I was,
and all that I was destined to transfigure into,
nebula of impatience,
and unsure if I was good enough for you.

When I was supposed to wait for you,
to treat you with dignity,
(so we could make our sacrifice together,
forbearing celerity)
I offered you the burnt offering of my
caprice, a testimony of my pride,
presumption and haste….sheep
and goats of my verbal malice towards you,
all women who ever hurt me,
slaughtered horrifically, partly with my hands
and partly with my dagger/laptop, 
hastily enkindled by the fire of my angst
on a makeshift altar of feigned offense,
some of  the animals burned alive.
Bleating wildly.
I was miffed at you
for making me wait on you, the ostensible
repudiation of all that I was:
time after time year after year Im never
a good enough guy to date,
further feeding my preexisting insecurities.
I cried like a child before during and after
the black smoke
of my disrespect for you began rising.

When you gave me the opportunity to
know you, to chase away the Philistine
fears of femininity reserved for men,
(questions of character, ethic, virtue
and intent)
I tarried, uncertain as to manner and
method, brooding
under a pomegranate tree.
This cowardice allowed opportunities for
other courageous men to rise up  
and usurp my position, soldiers of
your deference on call to fight for me,
now in the service of others,
like Jonathan, son of Saul, mastering all
the conquests that his father could not.
I made those soldiers swear an oath
not to eat until I made myself
ready to approach you with courage,
and while the battle for your
heart raged on, they hungered.
When Jonathan finally rescued them
 they ate meat anxiously...
with the blood still in it.
Its no wonder, then, that
you now look at me in horror.

When I was supposed
to walk in triumphant confidence
in God’s plan for your singleness
and mine, to live moment
by moment, to slay the Amalekite
ideals of trepidation, panic, cynicism,
and unbelief in His inherent Goodness,
I disobeyed. I reserved for myself
oxen and sheep of cynicism, and
the unbelief in God’s love
and Goodness towards me,
Agag the King. In my heart
I trembled at the thought of
staying single, and these
tenacious unrelenting thoughts
possessed me into regrettably
compulsive actions.

 Now I have lost
the crown of your respect,
that once gleaming totem of
your smile decaying,
the anointing oil long since dried up.
Philistine armies of
censure, blame and denouncement
approach me. Men (a man?) who
are stronger than I,
better suited for your love
advance upon me (and you)
from all sides;
the love I stored for us,
the beating of my heart, impaled
on the battlefield
by my foolish sins.
I wanted the passage of time
to be my armor bearer,
to tell you that I never meant to hurt
you. That, truly, as much as
I want a relationship, I am deathly
afraid of it,
that irony of passionate desire
comingled with a man with a weak faith.
But time cant save me
from these self-inflicted mortal wounds,
nor spare me the shame of forever losing
your delight in what once
was a budding potentiality.
I pull out my sword
of sorrow and melancholy
 and here fall upon it.
For the past few months,
death of my sleep at night.




(Forgive me?)

[To all the people that Ive hurt through my words, my actions, my inactions….I am forever sorry. Tonight I have died a little in my sorrow. Tonight I have repented and died a forsaken King. 3:33AM. June 15, 2015]

-------------1 Samuel 31:1-5
Now the Philistines fought against Israel: and the men of Israel fled from before the Philistines, and fell down slain in mount Gilboa. And the Philistines followed hard upon Saul and upon his sons; and the Philistines slew Jonathan, and Abinadab, and Malchishua, Saul's sons. And the battle went sore against Saul, and the archers hit him; and he was sore wounded of the archers. Then said Saul unto his armourbearer, Draw thy sword, and thrust me through therewith; lest these uncircumcised come and thrust me through, and abuse me. But his armourbearer would not; for he was sore afraid. Therefore Saul took a sword, and fell upon it. And when his armourbearer saw that Saul was dead, he fell likewise upon his sword, and died with him.

----Leave out All The Rest Lyrics

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
'Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here?

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I've made
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come
And save me from myself
I can't be who you are

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come
And save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are

I Killed Jesus

* Mary Mother of God, pray for me
* Saint Longinus, pray for me
#tonythecenturion

+------------------/I Killed Him; The Thoughts Of The Centurion (Longinus) At The Feet Of The Crucifix


There are certain things a man sees
that are indelible,
and change him drastically
from the inside out, scars on the soul,
fatal wounds of conscience,
things that in his estimation deem him
forever
a violator of nature
a perverter of law
a friend of fiends, strange companion
of sacrilege.  Caesar’s (may the gods
render him his due) Law usually
consigns these men to Hades,
cursed flotilla of the damned drifting down
a River Styx
of their own treasonous blood, boats of their
melancholy buoyed by repressive guilt,
the current strengthened by
bitterness of their victims channeled
to them after death.
Yet these men usually, despite their
best contrarian efforts,
have hollowed woebegone eyes
upon their floggings after sentencing,
and when hoisted up on their crosses,
or thrown in prison cells as future
food for lions in the amphitheater
look downwards -
past their feet, past the ground supporting
them directly into Pluto’s eyes,
allowing him to relish in their shame,
preparing themselves to be his slaves
forever more, these dead men pining to
stop breathing. But this….”King of the Jews”
never looked that way, his eyes were
always directed towards the sky,
vibrant, and full of life and innocence
notwithstanding his agony and pain.
I heard him pray for me just before
the earthquake, before the buried
inexplicably emancipated themselves
from their own graves
gingerly limping as they fidgeted
with their stiff, pallid, putrid skin,
stumbling around groaning 
enervatedly.  
What man asks mercy for the very
one who would soon after lance his
dead body with a sordid grin?  What man does
the very sun in the sky  mourn for?
Truly this man was no mortal, but
a son of the gods, or maybe even
God himself, his unjust death
grieving the world he created.
And I killed him.


[Jesus forgive me for all the people Ive hurt in my life, all the ways Ive misrepresented you to the world. Forgive me for all the pain I cause you when I sin.]

-----------------------Matthew 27:45-54
Now from the sixth hour there was darkness over all the land unto the ninth hour. And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? Some of them that stood there, when they heard that, said, This man calleth for Elias. And straightway one of them ran, and took a spunge, and filled it with vinegar, and put it on a reed, and gave him to drink. The rest said, Let be, let us see whether Elias will come to save him. Jesus, when he had cried again with a loud voice, yielded up the ghost. And, behold, the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom; and the earth did quake, and the rocks rent; And the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints which slept arose, And came out of the graves after his resurrection, and went into the holy city, and appeared unto many. Now when the centurion, and they that were with him, watching Jesus, saw the earthquake, and those things that were done, they feared greatly, saying, Truly this was the Son of God.

Me On Mount Sinai

* Moses pray for me

+------------Me On Mount Sinai: Moses’ Thoughts Before Traveling Up Mount Sinai In Front of All Of Israel

A cloud by day and fire by
night are, at times, barely enough
signs of heavenly solidarity
to stem the neuroses of a people
still tending to slave scabs on their backs
borne of whips, clefts on either side of
their faces from gouged eyes for poor production,
en masse. A people who still startle
at the faintest whisper of a child nursed
whilst they sleep in their tents, ghosts of
the firstborn dead in Egypt
now come to claim their kin as restitution.
The constellations, they tell me,
were much brighter in Egypt, the food
more succulent, the women’s
eyes there more alluring, adorned with
malachite and black kohl.
They selectively recall that they never
thirsted there, and while stricken with
delusory angst, sing to me and Aaron
of Pharaoh’s Well
that all Hebrews drew water from in
buckets of gold. This well and the buckets
never existed.
However as of late I too am succumbing,
partially, to this infectious and contagious unbelief:
in my dreams
scorpions incessantly pinching me,
snakes wrapping themselves around my neck   
impel me to resist and shriek wildly in
impassioned defense, yet when I wake
drenched in sweat, silver chariots drowning in
the Red Sea, my wife sobs- inconsolably
terrified. Under her breath, quivering, hymns once
promulgated by the Queen.
Oh God, please show these people that you burn
for Hebrew emancipation, you too salivate
at the thought of Milk and Honey.
Let fire envelope a mountain in Sinai,
peals of thunder accompanied by a trembling
violent earth,
the smoke and ashes thereof like
the speech of a barbarous, indignant dragon
eulogizing Pharaoh forever, yellow eyes glazed
indifferent to death, indomitable tail,
broad webbed wings.   
Convince these people that before us lies
not a jaunt but a journey, but a journey
we do not travel alone. Speak....
because the people need to hear you still
love them.
That you still love me.
I need to know that you still love me.


----------------------Exodus 19:1-20
In the third month after the people of Israel left Egypt, they came to the Sinai Desert on the same day.   They had left Rephidim and had come to the Sinai Desert. There Israel set up their tents in front of the mountain.  And Moses went up to God. The Lord called to him from the mountain, saying, “Say this to the house of Jacob and tell the people of Israel:  ‘You have seen what I did to the Egyptians, and how I carried you on eagles’ wings and brought you to Myself.  Now then, if you will obey My voice and keep My agreement, you will belong to Me from among all nations. For all the earth is Mine.  You will be to Me a nation of religious leaders, a holy nation.’ These are the words you will speak to the people of Israel.” So Moses came and called the leaders of the people. He told them all these words which the Lord had told him.  And all the people answered together and said, “We will do all that the Lord has said!” Then Moses went to tell the Lord what the people had said.  The Lord said to Moses, “See, I will come to you in a thick cloud. So the people may hear when I speak with you, and may believe you forever.” Then Moses told the Lord what the people had said.  The Lord said to Moses, “Go to the people. Today and tomorrow set them apart to be holy. Have them wash their clothes.  And let them be ready for the third day. For on the third day people will see the Lord come down on Mount Sinai.  Let the people know the places all around that they must not pass. Tell them, ‘Be careful that you do not go up on the mountain or touch any place around it. Whoever touches the mountain will be put to death.  No hand will touch him. But he will be killed with stones or arrows. If he be animal or man, he will not live.’ When a long sound from a horn is heard, they may come up to the mountain.” So Moses went down from the mountain to the people. He set the people apart to be holy, and they washed their clothes.  He said to the people, “Be ready for the third day. Do not go near a woman.” On the morning of the third day there was thunder and lightning. A cloud covered the mountain, and a very loud horn sounded. All the people among the tents shook with fear.  Then Moses brought the people from among the tents to meet God. They stood at the base of the mountain.  Mount Sinai was all in smoke because the Lord came down upon it in fire. Its smoke went up like the smoke of a stove. And the whole mountain shook.  The sound of the horn became louder and louder. Moses spoke, and God answered him with thunder.  Then the Lord came down upon Mount Sinai, to the top of the mountain. The Lord called Moses to the top of the mountain, and he went up.

Spiritual Bootcamp Lesson #1 - The Fortieth Night

*Jesus pray for me

SPIRITUAL BOOTCAMP LESSON 1:  BE THE 17 PERCENT. ATTEN-HUT!!!!

+------------------/The Fortieth Night: Caleb’s Narration of His and Joshua’s Last Night in Canaan to The Congregation of Israel.


Scale the wall, clutch dagger with no fear
scale the wall and clutch your dagger…
fearlessly
we nervously reassure ourselves with mantra
prior to reconnaissance, huddled together
around destiny’s flame,
the crackle of the bonfire translating our prayers
to heaven as white smoke,
those ineffable words softly spoken
(of hope, fear and faith)
from our hearts to hallowed wood-
chopped in desperation,
with axes we held to our chest as
the angel of death killed Pharaoh’s firstborn.  
We run then, almost blindly,
in the night, Captain Moon directing
our steps with a steely (somewhat
beguiling) gaze, overseeing stars in noxious
martial formation, flanking right and left
illumining our eyes to both danger and
opportunity, predator and prey, yet deviously
withholding from us the identities of each role.
We climb. We crouch. We lurk.
A humongous cluster of grapes carried
upon a staff, nature’s interrogation of the soul,
unveil different milieus between
the ten other spies and us two:
those born insects and those men.
Grapes too large for ten servile mouths quivering
that the Anakim and Amalekites
“heard branches snapping, make haste!”
will never overcome their cowardice,
men-cum-grasshoppers hopping
and chirping back to Moses shamefacedly.   
But the two of us, feet submerged in
the brook of Eschol, cavalierly, close our eyes
and exhale restfully in Hebron:
“The bigger the grape, pomegranate and fig,
the more food apportioned to our
wives and children, cursed be the men,
of gargantuan stature or not, who oppose us.”
“This land is ours to possess.”
Stealthily departing, 
as we cast a glance back at Canaan one final time,
predator to prey,
a moonbeam portentously unveils a set of
yellow eyes in the distance, glowing, it seems,
ten feet from the ground. The sharp tip of a spear
held high, spark from a nebulous mystery
astral realm, refracts 
staggering light back into our eyes, 
temporarily blinding us.  



[GUYS, ARE YOU GOING TO BE ONE OF THE TEN, WHO DOUBT THAT GOD CAN HELP YOU OVERCOME GREAT ADVERSITY? THE 83% OF THOSE IN THE WORLD WHO DOUBT AND COMPLAIN? OR ARE YOU GOING TO BE LIKE JOSHUA AND CALEB? THE 17% OF THOSE SPECIAL, ELITE FOLK WHO HAVE FAITH IN WHAT THEY CANT QUITE SEE YET, BELIEVING THAT WITH GOD THEY CAN POSSESS ANY DREAM THEY HAVE SET IN THEIR HEARTS? THAT ADVERSITY AND OPPOSITION IS OPPORTUNITY??!! WHAT DO YOU FEAR MOST? GIVE YOUR FEARS TO GOD AND BE COURAGEOUS ENOUGH TO LIVE YOUR LIFE FULLY IN SPITE OF THEM!!! HUUUAAAHHHH!!!! DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY SOLDIERS!!! BREAK IT ON DOWN....BREAK IT ON DOWWNNN....LEFT RIIIIGGGHHTT LEFT!!!]

-----------Numbers 13-14:10
And the Lord spake unto Moses, saying, Send thou men, that they may search the land of Canaan, which I give unto the children of Israel: of every tribe of their fathers shall ye send a man, every one a ruler among them. And Moses by the commandment of the Lord sent them from the wilderness of Paran: all those men were heads of the children of Israel. And these were their names: of the tribe of Reuben, Shammua the son of Zaccur.
Of the tribe of Simeon, Shaphat the son of Hori.
Of the tribe of Judah, Caleb the son of Jephunneh.
Of the tribe of Issachar, Igal the son of Joseph.
Of the tribe of Ephraim, Oshea the son of Nun.
Of the tribe of Benjamin, Palti the son of Raphu.
Of the tribe of Zebulun, Gaddiel the son of Sodi.
Of the tribe of Joseph, namely, of the tribe of Manasseh, Gaddi the son of Susi.
Of the tribe of Dan, Ammiel the son of Gemalli.
Of the tribe of Asher, Sethur the son of Michael.
Of the tribe of Naphtali, Nahbi the son of Vophsi.
Of the tribe of Gad, Geuel the son of Machi.
These are the names of the men which Moses sent to spy out the land. And Moses called Oshea the son of Nun Jehoshua. And Moses sent them to spy out the land of Canaan, and said unto them, Get you up this way southward, and go up into the mountain: And see the land, what it is, and the people that dwelleth therein, whether they be strong or weak, few or many; And what the land is that they dwell in, whether it be good or bad; and what cities they be that they dwell in, whether in tents, or in strong holds; And what the land is, whether it be fat or lean, whether there be wood therein, or not. And be ye of good courage, and bring of the fruit of the land. Now the time was the time of the firstripe grapes. So they went up, and searched the land from the wilderness of Zin unto Rehob, as men come to Hamath. And they ascended by the south, and came unto Hebron; where Ahiman, Sheshai, and Talmai, the children of Anak, were. (Now Hebron was built seven years before Zoan in Egypt.) And they came unto the brook of Eshcol, and cut down from thence a branch with one cluster of grapes, and they bare it between two upon a staff; and they brought of the pomegranates, and of the figs. The place was called the brook Eshcol, because of the cluster of grapes which the children of Israel cut down from thence. And they returned from searching of the land after forty days. And they went and came to Moses, and to Aaron, and to all the congregation of the children of Israel, unto the wilderness of Paran, to Kadesh; and brought back word unto them, and unto all the congregation, and shewed them the fruit of the land. And they told him, and said, We came unto the land whither thou sentest us, and surely it floweth with milk and honey; and this is the fruit of it. Nevertheless the people be strong that dwell in the land, and the cities are walled, and very great: and moreover we saw the children of Anak there. The Amalekites dwell in the land of the south: and the Hittites, and the Jebusites, and the Amorites, dwell in the mountains: and the Canaanites dwell by the sea, and by the coast of Jordan. And Caleb stilled the people before Moses, and said, Let us go up at once, and possess it; for we are well able to overcome it. But the men that went up with him said, We be not able to go up against the people; for they are stronger than we. And they brought up an evil report of the land which they had searched unto the children of Israel, saying, The land, through which we have gone to search it, is a land that eateth up the inhabitants thereof; and all the people that we saw in it are men of a great stature. And there we saw the giants, the sons of Anak, which come of the giants: and we were in our own sight as grasshoppers, and so we were in their sight. And all the congregation lifted up their voice, and cried; and the people wept that night. And all the children of Israel murmured against Moses and against Aaron: and the whole congregation said unto them, Would God that we had died in the land of Egypt! or would God we had died in this wilderness! And wherefore hath the Lord brought us unto this land, to fall by the sword, that our wives and our children should be a prey? were it not better for us to return into Egypt? And they said one to another, Let us make a captain, and let us return into Egypt. Then Moses and Aaron fell on their faces before all the assembly of the congregation of the children of Israel. And Joshua the son of Nun, and Caleb the son of Jephunneh, which were of them that searched the land, rent their clothes: And they spake unto all the company of the children of Israel, saying, The land, which we passed through to search it, is an exceeding good land. If the Lord delight in us, then he will bring us into this land, and give it us; a land which floweth with milk and honey. Only rebel not ye against the Lord, neither fear ye the people of the land; for they are bread for us: their defence is departed from them, and the Lord is with us: fear them not. But all the congregation bade stone them with stones. And the glory of the Lord appeared in the tabernacle of the congregation before all the children of Israel.

The Ghost of Ann... #EMO

* Jesus, pray for me
* Dedicated to The Amity Affliction, Chasing Ghosts
www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPwMwqfx5no
* Dedicated to My Chemical Romance, The Ghost of You
www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCUpvTMis-Y
* Dedicated to Paramore, Misguided Ghosts
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePY8FWqk_fU
* Dedicated to Ann (The Ghost)….and to what could have been, but never was….

When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear – Matthew 14:26

+---------------/The Ghost of Ann

Ann, my hopes for you,
when I first met you,
your curly blonde hair pulled back
behind your ears, your ample décolletage
intoxicating, were grandiose, epically
and eternally coup d'état,
never meant to meet constraint in a small
rickety wooden vessel jostled by tumult,
jabbed and strangled by Galilean waves
of romantic insecurity, harangued by
winds of my insidious self-doubt. 
You were supposed, your breasts
like a stately beard commanding
respect and sagacity; screaming
of carpentry and Virgin births,
to inexplicably upend the Roman reign
of my singleness and dating destitution,
the cohorts of vile soldiers of social shame
that urinate in front of the temple
of my childhood dreams, daring to
profane the Holy of Holies of my desire
for marriage.  Over time you fed
5,000 of my fantasies like famished men
salivating on a hot hillside, panting,
with your sexy gait and sartorial class,
raised my servile melancholy mood
from the dead with just a word:
an email as a promissory note as dependable
as a divine command, analogous to a
centurion balking out orders to his men-
that you would eat lunch with me.
But now, now you are married.
Far removed from me on a distant shore,
probably praying for your newfound love,
these aforementioned fount of fond
memories of mine, over time seem to
vanish without an evidentiary trace, like
mist in the night. I imagine
for a moment that you walk out
to me on impossible waters of anachronism,
that instead of denying me lunch
thrice, you ate with me
and you loved me. That you got in the
boat with me and calmed everything
in my heart down.
That everything we had wasn’t
a ghost of a savior disregarding me-
translucent, immaterial salvation-
as he passes by…
callously allowing everything I hoped in
to capsize and drown
in years and years of bitter resentment.


[GOD IS ANY GIRL I PURSUE AND CHASE AFTER EVER GOING TO LOVE ME FOR ME???!!! OR ALL THEY ALL GOING TO BE IMMATERIAL? I CAN SEE AND NOT TOUCH (MY HAND PASSES THROUGH THEIR HANDS), LOVE BUT NOT KISS, CRY AND RECEIVE NO EMPATHY…? ANN YOU ARE A CLASSY GIRL, TOTALLY MY TYPE. I WILL DEARLY MISS YOU. HERE IS A PIECE OF MY HEART, A RELIC OF MY GOOD INTENTIONS FOR YOU LEFT BEHIND FOR YOU TO READ ALWAYS. WHEN I WALKED BY YOU THE OTHER DAY I WANTED TO SPEAK, I WANTED TO LOOK YOU IN THE EYES AND WISH YOU WELL IN YOUR NEW MARRIAGE...BUT I COULD NOT. ONE DAY I WILL. BUT NOW, IN THE THROES OF MY BOUT OF LONELINESS....ITS TOO HARD FOR ME.]

----Chasing Ghosts Lyrics
Will they remember my name when I'm gone
 (when they know what I did was so f* wrong)
 Put the steel to my wrist, lost the breath in my chest
 (just to forget all the wrongs I had left)
 I took the exit, left my friends in the gutter
 (left my life right behind me, left myself, left it all)
 Left myself, left it all, not a falter, not a stutter
 Not a note, and now?
 (there’s nothing at all)

Are you at all haunted by memories past?
 Are you ready to make this one breath your last?
 Is your chest so heavy you're ready to leave?
 Or are you just hoping that someone will grieve?

And now we roll on...
 I'm gone now,
 I don't remember much,
 I just know that I would have been better off if I had stayed,
 Spoken to a friend,

Let my heart keep on beating and not given it all up
For the grave, for the grave
 There's no one there on the other side (other side)
 There's nothing more than what I had.
 There's no ghost left to haunt you so you know I'm still here,
 Just the end of my life nothing left here at all.
 There's no memories here, just the regrets of the dead,
 Please don't follow my footsteps - cherish all you have left.

Are you at all haunted by memories past?
 Are you ready to make this one breath your last?
 Is your chest so heavy you’re ready to leave?
 Or are you just hoping that someone will grieve?

There's no one there on the other side
 (there's no one there on the other side)
 There's nothing more than what I had
 (there's no ghost left to haunt you).

There's no ghosts
 There's no memories here
 Just the regrets of the dead
 Please don't follow in my footsteps
 Cherish all you have left

There's no memories here (memories here)
 Just the regrets of the dead (regrets of the dead)
 Please don't follow in my footsteps (my footsteps)
 Cherish all you have left.

Are you at all haunted by memories past?
 Are you ready to make this one breath your last?
 Is your chest so heavy you’re ready to leave?
 Or are you just hoping that someone will grieve?

Are you at all haunted by memories past? (memories past)
 Are you ready to make this one breath your last? (breath your last)
 Is your chest so heavy you’re ready to leave? (ready to leave)
 Or are you just hoping that someone will grieve? (someone will grieve)

----------The Ghost of You Lyrics

I never said I'd lie and wait forever
 If I died, we'd be together
 I can't always just forget her
 But she could try

At the end of the world
 Or the last thing I see
 You are
 Never coming home
 Never coming home
 Could I? Should I?
 And all the things that you never ever told me
 And all the smiles that are never ever...
 Ever...

Get the feeling that you're never
 All alone and I remember now
 At the top of my lungs in my arms she dies
 She dies

At the end of the world
 Or the last thing I see
 You are
 Never coming home
 Never coming home
 Could I? Should I?
 And all the things that you never ever told me
 And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
 Never coming home
 Never coming home
 Could I? Should I?
 And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
 For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me

If I fall
 If I fall (down)

At the end of the world
 Or the last thing I see
 You are
 Never coming home
 Never coming home
 Never coming home
 Never coming home
And all the things that you never ever told me
 And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
 Never coming home
 Never coming home
 Could I? Should I?
 And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
 For all the ghosts that are never gonna...

----Misguided Ghosts Lyrics

I'm going away for a while
 But I'll be back
 Don't try to follow me
 'Cause I'll return as soon as possible
 See, I'm trying to find my place
 But it might not be here where I feel safe

We all learn to make mistakes
 And run from them, from them
 With no direction
 We'll run from them, from them
 With no conviction

'Cause I'm just one of those ghosts
 Travelin' endlessly
 Don't need no roads
 In fact, they follow me
 And we just go in circles

And now I'm told that this is life
 That pain is just a simple compromise
 So we can get what we want out of it

Would someone care to classify?
 Our broken hearts and twisted minds
 So I can find someone to rely on
 And run to them, to them
 Full speed ahead
 Oh, you are not useless
 We are just

Misguided ghosts
 Travelin' endlessly
 The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
 And there's no one road
 We should not be the same
 But I'm just a ghost
 And still they echo me

Taylor Effulgent (Dedicated to Taylor Swift, #TaylorDateTony)

 * Saint Matthew, pray for me
* dedicated to #taylordatetony

Oh Calvin Harris, please don't pound me! Its just, its just that I HAVE A HUGE CRUSH ON TAYLOR!!!! OH TAYTAY!!!!!

+-------------------------/Confab on the Mountain; Taylor Swift Effulgent

Taylor, my heart was Judea, drab
and enveloped in this thickened layer
of loneliness like dismal dust; 
beaten into lethargy by oppressive decrees
of all the girls who previously rejected me-
Herod debased and Pontius Pilate incorrigible-
excessively taxed, my monotheistic longings
to find one wife to worship
profaned by the pagan practice of crucifying
one man’s heart after another
in cruel and callous succession without a
fair trial. They worship at the Temple of Delphi,
heeding the Oracle of sensual irrationality,
sex on the altar, bowing before any guy
who can sing, dance or charm well. I was,
then, duly tantalized
when I saw your Bad Blood video, it was
a beckoning of sorts
for my romantic passion, my loyalty
and my benign jealousy, Peter, James and John,
to ascend a mysterious mountain of hope
and expectation, the internal hysteria
of following a Savior and abandoning all
worry at the base.
Your dazzling azure eyes: #freaking amazing,
springs of living water,
your blonde hair like the gold the angels pave
the streets of Zion with. I swear to God
as I watched you sing and the way you
moved your body it was as if you were transfigured,
suspended in air,
your face shone as the sun, your clothes
white as light. Beside you, talking with you
were Selena Gomez and Cara Delevigne,
comely patrons of the Law (of true love)
and the Prophets (of matchmaking) come
back from the dead in some sort of translucent state.
I wanted to channel my nervous energy
into three tabernacles fitting for
three angels of pure and potent pulchritude,
but before I could finish my proposal
Kendrick Lamar’s lyrics were so sick they moved
my soul – he the cool, hip African American
God the Father, “this is my beloved Taylor
in whom I am well pleased, listen to her,
fall in love with her!”  His words
seized my heart with stunned paralysis,
I lay prostrate on my bedroom floor
catatonically dazed by your pop music majesty.
Oh Taylor, baby, hearing you beautifully belt out
your last verse was you then touching my shoulder,
melodic mercy, urging “Arise, and be not afraid.”
I imagined you hugging me tightly and winking,
eyelashes of divinity,
holding my hand as your video ended and
we descended down the winding trails,
bearing secrets.
You will be the One who will save me,
your kiss the healing balm for all my sins,
your kiss absolute emancipation from
despotic Roman Rule.     
 
 

---------------Matthew 17:1-9
And after six days Jesus taketh Peter, James, and John his brother, and bringeth them up into an high mountain apart, And was transfigured before them: and his face did shine as the sun, and his raiment was white as the light. And, behold, there appeared unto them Moses and Elias talking with him. Then answered Peter, and said unto Jesus, Lord, it is good for us to be here: if thou wilt, let us make here three tabernacles; one for thee, and one for Moses, and one for Elias. While he yet spake, behold, a bright cloud overshadowed them: and behold a voice out of the cloud, which said, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased; hear ye him. And when the disciples heard it, they fell on their face, and were sore afraid. And Jesus came and touched them, and said, Arise, and be not afraid. And when they had lifted up their eyes, they saw no man, save Jesus only. And as they came down from the mountain, Jesus charged them, saying, Tell the vision to no man, until the Son of man be risen again from the dead.