I Killed Jesus

* Mary Mother of God, pray for me
* Saint Longinus, pray for me
#tonythecenturion

+------------------/I Killed Him; The Thoughts Of The Centurion (Longinus) At The Feet Of The Crucifix


There are certain things a man sees
that are indelible,
and change him drastically
from the inside out, scars on the soul,
fatal wounds of conscience,
things that in his estimation deem him
forever
a violator of nature
a perverter of law
a friend of fiends, strange companion
of sacrilege.  Caesar’s (may the gods
render him his due) Law usually
consigns these men to Hades,
cursed flotilla of the damned drifting down
a River Styx
of their own treasonous blood, boats of their
melancholy buoyed by repressive guilt,
the current strengthened by
bitterness of their victims channeled
to them after death.
Yet these men usually, despite their
best contrarian efforts,
have hollowed woebegone eyes
upon their floggings after sentencing,
and when hoisted up on their crosses,
or thrown in prison cells as future
food for lions in the amphitheater
look downwards -
past their feet, past the ground supporting
them directly into Pluto’s eyes,
allowing him to relish in their shame,
preparing themselves to be his slaves
forever more, these dead men pining to
stop breathing. But this….”King of the Jews”
never looked that way, his eyes were
always directed towards the sky,
vibrant, and full of life and innocence
notwithstanding his agony and pain.
I heard him pray for me just before
the earthquake, before the buried
inexplicably emancipated themselves
from their own graves
gingerly limping as they fidgeted
with their stiff, pallid, putrid skin,
stumbling around groaning 
enervatedly.  
What man asks mercy for the very
one who would soon after lance his
dead body with a sordid grin?  What man does
the very sun in the sky  mourn for?
Truly this man was no mortal, but
a son of the gods, or maybe even
God himself, his unjust death
grieving the world he created.
And I killed him.


[Jesus forgive me for all the people Ive hurt in my life, all the ways Ive misrepresented you to the world. Forgive me for all the pain I cause you when I sin.]

-----------------------Matthew 27:45-54
Now from the sixth hour there was darkness over all the land unto the ninth hour. And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? Some of them that stood there, when they heard that, said, This man calleth for Elias. And straightway one of them ran, and took a spunge, and filled it with vinegar, and put it on a reed, and gave him to drink. The rest said, Let be, let us see whether Elias will come to save him. Jesus, when he had cried again with a loud voice, yielded up the ghost. And, behold, the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom; and the earth did quake, and the rocks rent; And the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints which slept arose, And came out of the graves after his resurrection, and went into the holy city, and appeared unto many. Now when the centurion, and they that were with him, watching Jesus, saw the earthquake, and those things that were done, they feared greatly, saying, Truly this was the Son of God.