Saturday, May 1, 2010

Wistful Clouds




"Men of Galilee, why do you stand gazing up into heaven? This same Jesus, who was taken up from you into heaven, will so come in like manner as you saw Him go into heaven." Acts 1:10-11

----Acts Chronicles Chapter 1 – Wistful Clouds – The Thoughts Of The Disciples Upon Seeing Jesus Depart---

This world is just too incongruous with our expectations
too heterogeneous to comport well
with our acute longings for a Jewish heritage shared
with You
because now the yoke still remains
our hearts still wrenched, the spears of the Roman guard
still refract sunlight that pierces our eyes
gleaming
a smug look as we cower walking by
a sneer if we exude joy
Caesar’s coins ensure water flows in our aqueducts
not David’s, not Solomon’s
and the prospect remains that Herod might kill our sons
we used to share these stories with You
as John laid on your breast, and Peter bungled our meal
spilling the fish on the ground excitedly recounting miracles
of the day
We remember watching You sleep
marveling that you didn’t snore, after the singing the hymns
(on verdant knolls)
you taught us staring at the moon, peering at the stars
consoling ourselves with sentiments
of Israel restored and Rome crushed beneath her foot
But now that Youre gone
exorcisms, walking on water, raising the dead, feeding the poor
healing the sick, restitution of the Promised Land
hauling in fish that strains our nets
elude us, hidden behind the clouds that shroud your path
and all we can do is gaze
tears streaming, minds harkening back
to the hills that gave us the best vantage of the night skyline
too scared to look away
too scared to be alone

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Increase My Status, I Was Birthed In Pain




-------/The Thoughts of Jabez/

What can you do in life but
love, make friends or
hate and make enemies and
eat until youre satisfied, or rob until you've quelled
the hunger pangs tormenting you.
Plow the field for purpose
raise a family then bestow the same precarious
fate upon your progeny
you fight hard for everything you own
to amass wealth, just to garrison your possessions
for fear of loss
then you gaze at the moon and for respite and fall asleep
days cascade into one another
time passes so quickly it escapes your notice
and one day you realize you cant account for all the time spent
you come to troubled,
your heart languishing in your sleep with regrets
of wasted potential (of being a profligate)
this is what the elders tell me
and mom tells me my birth was excruciating;
that Im one of the lucky ones (that I best take advantage
of the extraordinary circumstances dealt)
because we were both likely to miss our chance
to live a full life, and possess our dreams
All I want now, all I could ever want is
for God to enlarge the territory I have and
make me colossal, immeasurable, mammoth
bless me all the days of my life free from evil
that his hand would be with me
and make my life count for something
not just a boy serving as a harbinger of pain
to a broken world



-----------------------------------/
Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, saying, "I gave birth to him in pain." Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request. (1 Chronicles 4:9-10)

(un) WANTED

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. John 15:16

No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him, and I will raise him up at the last day. John 6:44

-----------------------/

I know the feeling all too well, jilted and spurned
castigated by your disdain
you don't want me, I get it
and I will never be good enough for you
youre unattainable
and I will never ever be with you
never
ever
be with you
I could never

The cold winds will blow at my back
the night sky will overtake me on my walk home
wolves howl, predators roam
phantoms maraud
and Im alone again, my expectations long since abandoned me
they left when your jeering stopped
candles are burning in the hallway but
I turn the bathroom lights off, leave the door ajar
sitting in the shower running water
my shadow undulates as I cry


And the finality sinks in
and the throbbing pain of dejection pulses
through my body
like an orphan never chosen is my heart
I am nothing
to you (and never will be)

But in the morning the light will dawn
a new horizon will guide me to it
I will awake and tread again
the One who breathed into my lungs will sustain me yet another day

There is hope, there is forgiveness, there is a real chance
for change
opportunities abound, doors are waiting to be opened
the veil of my tears will stop
sorrows will be supplanted by joys
because there is One who Wants me above all
so I am never totally unwanted
I am always, and have always been chosen

I am special...

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The First Poem




http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=709560572945


http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=709580762485


"Adam's first words are neither to God nor to Eve but to himself. His speech is self-reflexive, the emergence of the other, Eve, gives rise to self-awareness and speech.
Why? Because self and other go together like front and back. The creation of Eve is the creation of Adam. Adam was unaware of himself before Eve. Self and Other arise together, and together they create speech." – Rabbi Rami

*dedicated to Kill Hannah - Black Poison Blood, Crazy Angel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9Mh1rix-I8
*dedicated to Augustana - Boston http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLluvXi5nOs

--------[Visceral: Adam's Thoughts Upon Looking Into Eve's Eyes]


Its visceral
you don’t have to say anything
but I already know when you speak
your words will surfeit my soul
(I can just tell)
your eyes are different, but they’re enchanting
they have acuity, seeing me for what I am becoming
not always what I am
but I see you as you are
your body is strange (not entirely like mine) yet beguiling
your hair – has panache
your feet are comely, not like mine
with the accumulation of excess mud,
chasing, and playing with the animals
we are opposites from the same flesh
complimentary yet contrary
when I see the earth I see duty
you regale it with your care
and nourish it, mesmerized by it
Ive seen the moon so much I give it my apathy
yet it continually enthralls you
and
I want desperately to hold you;
you desperately want to be held
(where my rib was eviscerated)
you call it love
I call it recognition…that everything I didn't have
God provided me with
that when youre absent, Im fragmented
and together I have a preternatural sense
of peace
because your bone is my bone now
and the land is our land
the world is our world – this Garden
Im just glad I have someone to share it with





------Genesis 2:18-25----------
And the LORD God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
And Adam said:
"This is now bone of my bones
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man."
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

-------------------
"Behold" says the Bridegroom as the two meet. This exclamation is one of rapturous acclaim, akin to that with which the first man, Adam, cried out when he awoke from his deep prophetic sleep and beheld the first woman who ever graced creation with her beauty - coming over the sward to meet him, her graceful step scarcely disturbing the morning dews. Such a creature had never been seen in creation before. For grace, beauty, delicacy, and gentleness, she excelled every creature. Even angels did not compare with her. "THIS" - Adam cried out –“THIS is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh." His exclamation expresses emphatically, (in the Hebrew), his delight, admiration, and wonder at the appearance of Woman" – ????

And what is literary in the sense I am thinking of is that the technique of poetry is used at a moment of enormous intensity in the words between God and the most despised of mortal creatures. Earlier in this second of the two creation myths at the beginning of Genesis, when Adam sees Eve for the first time, after God has made her from his rib, he is given by the compilers of these texts a brief speech that is represented as poetic lines–again because of its emotional intensity, although in this case an overflowing of human wonder rather than of divine wrath: "This one at least / Is bone of my bones / And flesh of my flesh. / This one shall be called Woman, / For from man was she taken." – Reginald Gibbons http://writing-arts-blog.northwestern.edu/tag/poetry-of-the-bible/


Black Poison Blood lyrics----

It looked like the perfect day
In photos we were smiling
But something was wrong in you
Inside you were suffering
Lungs were barely moving
I wanted to comfort you
So i said, "ahhh..
Oh you'll fix all my cracked broken bones
And replace all my black poison blood"
She murdered me with a smile
Strangled me with her eyes
I'm poisoned as she passes by
The buildings around me shake
Like cheap plastic wedding cake
I fell to the ground with you
Then you said, "shhh..
Oh you'll fix all my cracked broken bones
And replace all my black poison blood!
Black poison blood!"

Remains of the fallen

Remains of the fallen
Friendships
I had.
Men of renown, yet men incomplete
men tainted by the rhetoric and philosophy of a
failed world system, and media and phobias
and anger
misplaced emotions
and the sins of not being garrulous
you fight before you talk
you scorn before you empathize
I want to hurt you – beat you up
But then I would be just like you
Why
Why cant I just kick back with you and watch football
Watch boxing
Watch ufc
commiserate together other about girls who broke our
hearts but not the bond between brothers
brothers – ah
that's it
but what is manhood
what is the virtuous life?
Predicated on Jesus
but who is man enough to follow Him
and be His friend?
Not us, obviously

Who the heck do you thing you are, girl?

There is something about you
its like its your eyes - so calming
I cant quite grasp it
you are ineffable
your are sacrosanct
youre inviolable
but I don’t know why

Its like I saw you
and I was intrigued but then those feelings attenuated
but then they intensified
and I found myself falling for you
you didn't have to say a word
after you said only a few words

You flustered me
Who the heck are you?
How can you do this to me?
Then you confounded me
Because I thought you hated me

Then I hated you
I hated your words, your thoughts your actions
your delight and flattery of others
I HATED IT
why didn't you give me attention
so laconic with me, but not with them!
BOOO! dissonance!

God, you know this woman
tore my emotions to shreds
but her memory
made me want to be a better person
like I felt I had better actualize all the potential I have
because if I want this woman
I had better be the best
maybe that's why the others had her fawning
but not me

But anyway, you – YOU
who the heck are you?
How did you do this to me

Hate me now

Greg,
I don’t hate you dawg,
Its just that you can be so insensitive
you were like my *** – to a large degree
you said so yourself
but Im shy, and insecure
and I shirk

So years have passed
time has unfurled
I missed the weddings, the new domicile
the maturation of kin
instead I got the onset of schism
and contemporaneously your vile appraisal of me
so we lost touch
and relations eroded
and engaged in proxy fights with all my friends

but what did we gain
except the demonization of me?
the apportioning of guilt to me
why am I always the one wrong?
but that's not the point

the point is, this is us now
nothing
just some ramblings on the page of a blog