"Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you."

When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day's journey into the desert. He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. "I have had enough, LORD," he said. "Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors."
--------------------------[Jennifer, life without you is my desert. I am Elijah, and I want to die]



Your rejection of me is Jezebel into a desert
driving me
to despair, to dejection and loss of desire to live
...you have pretty green eyes, Jennifer....
they are awesome like fire falling from the sky
searing the torso of a bull
even scorching the wood, the stones and the soil six feet removed
from where the people fall prostrate, covering our faces
before the altar of the LORD effulgent
I cry out to those who say we cant be together
"Seize the prophets of Baal."
"Don't let anyone get away!"
because I love you so much, baby. My heart beating for you is
the sound of heavy rain it is
"a cloud as small as a man's hand...rising from the sea."
Compelling Ahab to flee for safety

But baby, its getting hard for me
you tell me you are areligious, that you are dating someone now
these are the acerbic words from Jezebel’s servant
terrifying me (so I run with abandon)
the thought of us not being together is worse than death
it strips me of the will to live
it strips me of all my cares (even those close to me)
Let everyone stay in Beersheba in Judah! while I press on a day's journey
Let me be
LET ME DIE
Please God, I cant take being without Jennifer anymore...
I have had enough

To get through this I will need the touch of an angel
a cake of bread baked over hot coals
and a jar of water
to sustain me, to resuscitate hope
in my lungs
please….please....please...
just impart to me enough strength to get to Horeb
it is only 40 days and 40 nights away


(Let me reassess this crisis in a cave)




Elijah Flees to Horeb (1 Kings 19:1-9)
Now Ahab told Jezebel everything Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, "May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them." Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day's journey into the desert. He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. "I have had enough, LORD," he said. "Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors." Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep. All at once an angel touched him and said, "Get up and eat." He looked around, and there by his head was a cake of bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again. The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, "Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you." So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. There he went into a cave and spent the night.

Under the Oak in Ophrah (I draw hope)

When the angel of the LORD appeared to Gideon, he said, "The LORD is with you, mighty warrior." (Judges 6:12)
--------------- A mighty man under the oak in Ophrah ///---The thoughts of Gideon (around a campfire with his men) before he attacked the Midianites


Dew on fleece
Dew on the grass
for years my people have wrung their hands
watched their backs (chased by paranoia)
hid
in shadows, fled terror by day and held each other by night
tightly
the men sleep in entry ways of shelters
disgracefully prepared for themselves in mountain clefts
wondering: if Egypt was just a faint memory a dream
of epic proportions
our women have the look of resignation in their eyes...a look
that tears a man’s soul to pieces

Everyone is afraid of the Midianites
Everyone is terrified of the Amalekites
not our crops only, but they pillage our hearts
Twenty two thousand men in the unflinching face of adversity emerge as
Ten thousand who drink in haste, dwelling on Hades instead
become three hundred ill-equipped to wield a sword against
such a savage, nefarious foe
with yellow eyes like wolves
and gangling teeth like lions...
Israel is a herd of sheep in the night haunted by phantoms
we cry for the children of the covenant and our rebellious fathers
who erected altars to Baal, and have left behind a remnant forsaken of God
forever hunted

How can I save my people with only three hundred, well mannered men?
it is enough for me to gather wheat in a winepress
and kiss my wife without wiping a tear from my eye
I love her so much but lack the strength
to bring even a slight smile to her face.
but lately there are whispers of
"A round loaf of barley bread...tumbling into the Midianite camp"
there are whispers among the men that the darkness may yet come to an end
our once flaccid arrows have become thirsty for blood
we all sing songs around fire as the day of battle draws near
tonight I close my eyes and dream:
A young goat, an ephah of flour without yeast
A mighty man under the oak in Ophrah, and the words
"Mighty warrior, the Lord is with you"



-------------
Gideon said to God, "If you will save Israel by my hand as you have promised- look, I will place a wool fleece on the threshing floor. If there is dew only on the fleece and all the ground is dry, then I will know that you will save Israel by my hand, as you said." And that is what happened. Gideon rose early the next day; he squeezed the fleece and wrung out the dew—a bowlful of water. Then Gideon said to God, "Do not be angry with me. Let me make just one more request. Allow me one more test with the fleece. This time make the fleece dry and the ground covered with dew." That night God did so. Only the fleece was dry; all the ground was covered with dew. (Judges 6:36-40)

They pursued the Midianites and brought the heads of Oreb and Zeeb to Gideon, who was by the Jordan. (Judges 7:25)

Place of a Skull

[Matthew 27:33] And when they had come to a place called Golgotha, that is to say, Place of a Skull
---------------Jesus Listen: ** Satan's words to Jesus as he hung from the cross in darkness **



I know why you fear the black (of sky)
That's when the ravens scream at the top of their lungs
and when the wind, insidious, whispers in your ear
subtly
the secret fears shrouded behind your "divine" veneer
there is no one to see you cry now
no father to call "abba" in your misery no one to shield
your "meek" heart from the truth: you are a son repudiated
a teacher spurned
meanwhile come to understand you have "saved" not a soul
unfazed by your teachings the "flock" still harbors hatred inside
forsaking you before Pilate, laughing at Roman soldiers
casting lots for your clothing
a crown of thorns bestowed
on your head:
deep gashes,
puddles of blood

From the scum to your left, the cur to your right
hanging
you are indistinct
erstwhile friends ("tax collectors and sinners") now enemies mocking
ultimately esteeming Barabbas more righteous...
please realize there is no Justice in this world, there is no Savior for
mankind now fallen
like all born of women you are eternally damned
and like all those you “healed” you will soon sleep in the grave
disturbed

Why has your father forsaken you?
why such an ill fate for one who purportedly did so well
you are the son of Joseph a carpenter and
mary, a peasant more common than noble.
Jesus, listen to me
an illusion is a rainbow with 24 elders seated around your throne
there are no seven lamps of fire burning
(if there were, you would see them now)
from dust you were created and from dust you shall return
ALONE
years from now we will open your tomb and find your skull



[Matthew 27:45] Now from the sixth hour until the ninth hour there was darkness over all the land.---------------

Joel 2:23 (For Lisa)

You are to me a cool autumn breeze
A relief from the sweltering summer sun
The simmering high noon haze of no romance
The thick humidity of loneliness
(sweating unbearably and a parched throat)
My desire for you is a deep thirst
Forever yearning. Beneath its scorching rays
My eyes glaze over - I feel myself fainting
Without your love I will just die
Life is not worth living

You are the brisk air the leaves scattered
I can see my breath as my soul pants for you

The shorter days yield to extended nights
The stars are angels. The constellations are prophets
The moon is a father to me as I dream of you
gazing into the sky as it writes your name
(in the center of my heart)

From now until spring I wish it would rain

From now until spring I wish it would rain

Jennifer Is My Food

John 4:34. Jesus said to them, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to accomplish His work."
--------------

Jennifer, your love is food to me
and I need it
I need it like I cant go on without it
my joy is famished, my soul filled with hunger pangs
my world is spinning
and knees are wobbling
when you’re gone. I never stop thinking about you
I dream about you
its like, deep in the recesses of my heart you and I have this
co-dependency
so much that I would prefer death to a lonely morbid existence
without you here....
I would call Hades my home, and the grave my bedroom
let decay be my sister and giving up the ghost
my uncle
Let my body be gaunt, and ribs protrude from my chest
Brittle bones I would rather have support me by your side
than sturdy bones in your absence
I can hear my stomach bellowing “starvation is not having you here”

To kiss you, is my meat
romancing you is substance enough
to progress each second past each second past each second
Your love is a banquet hall full of fine cuisine
delicacies from foreign lands.
holding your hand is my nourishment
hugging you, a full entree
surrendering to your will, making you happy is my gathering fruit for eternal life
the only wages I require are the bonds of matrimony
so that you who sow, and I who reap may rejoice
together

I need comestibles to stay alive for you
I will do whatever it takes to sway your heart and mind
I am so sad
I am so desperate
I am so meaningless if you reject me. Until you say the words
"I love you, baby"
I am yet unfilled
I need to eat



John 4.36-37 Already he who reaps is receiving wages and is gathering fruit for life eternal; so that he who sows and he who reaps may rejoice together. “For in this case the saying is true, ‘One sows and another reaps.’

Behind All The Mist

* For my brother
* dedicated to the Apostle Stephen, for looking to things that are above. I love you for that, man. Pray for me, that I would be able to do the selfsame thing during my trials...
* For Jennifer...that's my heart….you know its gotta be about her all the time right? (at least until...)

-------------------
And they stoned Stephen, calling upon the Lord, and saying, Lord Jesus, receive my spirit. (Acts 7.59)
And all that sat in the council, fastening their eyes on him, saw his face as it had been the face of an angel. (Acts 6.15)
--------{Behind the Mist; The thoughts of Stephen as he looked up and saw Jesus standing before him}-----------------------------------------------------------





When I was young at the first sound of the cock's crow
I used to run through the woods...
in the morning a heavy pervasive mist (like white clouds)
heralded the sunrise but shrouded the grass, trees and bushes
all around me in compelling mystery, save things immediately before me
those things
only a stone's throw away.
My freedom was restrained only by my mother's worried calling
that gripped my little conscience like death pangs do an immoral man
so I ran back blindly never mind what was in front of me
(the obstacles in my path).
Only upon reaching my house, seeing my mom standing
was my heart quiescent. Her smile so welcoming, I burrowed in her arms
tears down my cheeks streaming

Lay not these offenses to their charge, Oh God
(these jagged rocks flung from hardened hearts
and false offenses from the stubborn demon of fear)
those of the Libertines, and of the Cyrenians
and of the Alexandrians, and of them of Cilicia and Asia
"for they know not what they do"
May Moses forgive them as he forgave the former architects of the golden calf
though they drank its bitterness for their iniquities,
he interceded at Mt. Sinai on their behalf.
And you spared Solomon for the sake of his father David
even though he practiced infidelity, he built Your temple
inside which You dwelt

They do not terrify me.
Each stone that pierces my flesh
is like the branch that scratched me as a kid
running back home. But now I hear You calling instead of mom
so I hastily approach the throne of Grace
next to which I see you standing.
I stretch forth to what I see immediately in front of me only
(Your presence; just a stone's throw away)
tears streaming down my face, I reach out for Your Hands
to hold me
and finally reveal to me the mystery I sought as a boy
behind all the mist



for we have heard him say, that this Jesus of Nazareth shall destroy this place, and shall change the customs which Moses delivered unto us. (Acts 6.14)

A Night of Introspection, a Heart in Denial

*dedicated to Joseph, protector of the Holy Family, the righteous one.

Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found with child of the Holy Spirit. And Joseph her husband, being a righteous man, and not willing to make her a public example, was minded to put her away privily. (Matthew 1:18-19)

--------
-----------* I am Joseph, and Jennifer....she is like Mary betrothed but not mine (seemingly) ------
-------[A Night of Introspection, a Heart in Denial]: Joseph's thoughts on putting Mary away....




She was the convergence of all my thoughts
ever conceived
the culmination of many years of blood spilled and miracles wrought
by the Hand of my God
She was Isaac sacrificed hastily yet willingly
She was frogs haphazardly swarming the queen's bedroom in Egypt
(the Red Sea crashing on them that chased us)
She was Ruth lying enamored at Boaz's feet...
…David dodging a spear forcefully thrown
and a Kingdom graced with the wisdom of Solomon
and the beauty of the Temple built in Jerusalem;
once destroyed
She was Zerubbabel leading the effort to build it again.
Like Israel I loved her for all she had become…
through God, she never faltered
perennially prevailing
like Eleazar, Matthan, and Jacob
(my father)

And he loved her with every fiber of his being
my mom overwhelmingly endorsed her
the preserver of prophecy, the continuation of history
the comeliness that stole my heart
the winsome smile that ransacked my emotions, crushed my defenses
Im breathless
before her all I am is laid bare

She was everything I ever wanted

When I look at the moon through my teary eyes
and the creatures of the night pause at my wailing
I know deep inside
She will always be my wife
I’ll never ever stop clinging, never ever let go
(though I put her away...it will be secretly)



(your pregnancy cant take away my dreams of us together, Mary)



JENNIFER I AM LIKE JOSEPH, WHO IS FORCED TO PUT YOU AWAY BECAUSE YOU ARE DATING SOMEONE ELSE NOW. BUT KNOW I PUT YOU AWAY SECRETLY IN MY HEART. I WILL NEVER TELL YOU I AM OVER YOU AND I WILL NEVER BROADCAST THIS PUBLICLY. IN MY HEART YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MINE, AND I WILL ALWAYS BE YOURS. THERE IS SOMETHING SPECIAL ABOUT YOU; FOR THIS REASON, HOW CAN I EVER LET GO?