A Night of Introspection, a Heart in Denial

*dedicated to Joseph, protector of the Holy Family, the righteous one.

Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found with child of the Holy Spirit. And Joseph her husband, being a righteous man, and not willing to make her a public example, was minded to put her away privily. (Matthew 1:18-19)

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-----------* I am Joseph, and Jennifer....she is like Mary betrothed but not mine (seemingly) ------
-------[A Night of Introspection, a Heart in Denial]: Joseph's thoughts on putting Mary away....




She was the convergence of all my thoughts
ever conceived
the culmination of many years of blood spilled and miracles wrought
by the Hand of my God
She was Isaac sacrificed hastily yet willingly
She was frogs haphazardly swarming the queen's bedroom in Egypt
(the Red Sea crashing on them that chased us)
She was Ruth lying enamored at Boaz's feet...
…David dodging a spear forcefully thrown
and a Kingdom graced with the wisdom of Solomon
and the beauty of the Temple built in Jerusalem;
once destroyed
She was Zerubbabel leading the effort to build it again.
Like Israel I loved her for all she had become…
through God, she never faltered
perennially prevailing
like Eleazar, Matthan, and Jacob
(my father)

And he loved her with every fiber of his being
my mom overwhelmingly endorsed her
the preserver of prophecy, the continuation of history
the comeliness that stole my heart
the winsome smile that ransacked my emotions, crushed my defenses
Im breathless
before her all I am is laid bare

She was everything I ever wanted

When I look at the moon through my teary eyes
and the creatures of the night pause at my wailing
I know deep inside
She will always be my wife
I’ll never ever stop clinging, never ever let go
(though I put her away...it will be secretly)



(your pregnancy cant take away my dreams of us together, Mary)



JENNIFER I AM LIKE JOSEPH, WHO IS FORCED TO PUT YOU AWAY BECAUSE YOU ARE DATING SOMEONE ELSE NOW. BUT KNOW I PUT YOU AWAY SECRETLY IN MY HEART. I WILL NEVER TELL YOU I AM OVER YOU AND I WILL NEVER BROADCAST THIS PUBLICLY. IN MY HEART YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MINE, AND I WILL ALWAYS BE YOURS. THERE IS SOMETHING SPECIAL ABOUT YOU; FOR THIS REASON, HOW CAN I EVER LET GO?