--------------[The Internal Deliberations of Jesus on Gethsemane (Reprised)]
I feel flaccid
and I don’t want to be here
not anymore
Im at my wits end and tempted to regress
for just a moment’s respite, solace from the scorn of anxiety
and pretentious Pharisaic rumblings
I want to go back to the carpentry shop with dad again
(if possible)
and (seemingly) endless drifting
from sea to town and back to synagogue
with my cousins
and Mother
watching John baptize with anonymity
ribbing him for his attire
and admiring the pulchritude of the women around me
ginning up fantasies of family life
in small towns
musing on the serenity of normalcy
even while having full knowledge such a thing never existed
...at least not under these harrowing circumstances
but now my life flashes before my eyes
and blood pours from my forehead and cheeks
death was a consequence not a thing proposed
I never intended to meet the angel
with his sword drawn in the form of rotting wood and rusty nails
administered by sneering gentiles wreaking of incivility
life was never meant to be lived like this
we were supposed to be in a lush Garden
eating fruit
not murdering men meant to live forever
(God take this cup from me... please? Yet not my will but Yours be done)
----------------[ Luke 22:39-46]
Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and his disciples followed him. On reaching the place, he said to them, "Pray that you will not fall into temptation." He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. When he rose from prayer and went back to the disciples, he found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow. "Why are you sleeping?" he asked them. "Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation."
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