To the Girl At the Rockville Target: I AM IN A WHALE OF TROUBLE W/O YOU, BABY

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Okay Okay so some of my many detractors are probably frothing at the mouth and whining something like this: "why does he keep writing about girls? Why does he keep worshipping women in his poems? Why do his poems ABSOLUTELY SUCK??" "Write something more substantive Mr. Tony Baloney!!! (I wish youd stop writing and just drop dead! D-E-D dead)"

I got you dawg, I GOT YOU! Don’t worry; thejesusmetaphor got platinum substantive hits coming to a blog near you real soon! Im just doing what I do for the ladies so you know I gots luv 4 u 2! Feelz me? For some reason Im just obsessed with falling in love right about now!

But first let me describe this honey dip I saw at the Target check-out line in Rockville last night: (honey dip means cute girl, if you didn’t already know) She had this black, Picasso painters hat or something akin to that on…she had black hair and a nose piercing. She had a black jacket, black leggings and black boots. And she had these ambient dazzling blue eyes. She was kind of short maybe about 5’3. And I swear I fell in love at first sight. (Too bad I was too chicken to say anything to her. Maybe it was my heart racing too fast that stymied my attempt to speak. I AM NOT AFRAID OF GIRLS! I SWEAR!!!)

She reminded me of Jonah and the Whale!!!! Check me out --->





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"You hurled me into the deep,
into the very heart of the seas,
and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers
swept over me."----------------------[To the girl at Target. I love you, I need you. Im in a whale's stomach without you!!!./ The Plight of Jonah]--------------------






For Tarshish (Target). I was departing
on a calm sea still
a gentle breeze, a gentle caress of my face...
that was
before you came into my life

Sleeping
getting used to
waking with a vacant pillow by my side

But when
I stared into your blue eyes
the captain woke me
it rocked my boat like a torrential great wind
it turned the sky black as your hair
my heart beating like a violent storm
my conscience screaming "Get up and call on your god!"
your face is so pretty...
my knees got so weak in your presence I implored
my God not to let me "perish"

Not being your husband feels like
being tossed overboard according to chance
(by men casting lots)
helpless and suffocating seaweed
on my head
PLEASE LOVE ME THIS LONELINESS IS LIKE A GREAT FISH
swallowing me
thin air in his stomach gasping for breath
my life is "ebbing away"

Adore me, hold me, kiss me
Bring my life up from the pit – and let despair vomit me
In 3 days let me sing a song of thanksgiving
for our love
[in Ninevah]







(Amazingly cute girl at the Rockville Target)


(I wish I could kiss your nose piercing! So coooooool!)







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Jonah 2
Jonah's Prayer

1 From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God. 2 He said:
"In my distress I called to the LORD,
and he answered me.
From the depths of the grave I called for help,
and you listened to my cry.
3 You hurled me into the deep,
into the very heart of the seas,
and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers
swept over me.
4 I said, 'I have been banished
from your sight;
yet I will look again
toward your holy temple.'
5 The engulfing waters threatened me,
the deep surrounded me;
seaweed was wrapped around my head.
6 To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you brought my life up from the pit,
O LORD my God.
7 "When my life was ebbing away,
I remembered you, LORD,
and my prayer rose to you,
to your holy temple.
8 "Those who cling to worthless idols
forfeit the grace that could be theirs.
9 But I, with a song of thanksgiving,
will sacrifice to you.
What I have vowed I will make good.
Salvation comes from the LORD."
10 And the LORD commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.

REALtalk (Session 1)

Yo whats up party people?

(Whats up Joe the Plumber...MY MAN...you should holla at me so we can do some poems together! Use your 250K to put me in Time Magazine or summin!!! YES WE CAN. Then I can hook up with Megan Fox and we can make beautiful babies together!!!.....oops...TMI Joe, TMI. My bad)


Just a few thoughts swirling around my brain this Sunday afternoon preceding the Redskins/Browns football game, during which time Jason Campbell should throw for approximately 400 yards passing en route to victory! HAIL TO THE REDSKINS HAIL TO THE REDSKINS HAIL TO THE REDSKINS

ahem


On Life:

Like David said: I have been young and I have been old.

After 27 years in this world I am really beginning to whole heartedly believe what they taught me at Towson: That your existence precedes your essence. I dont mean to exaggerate this and claim we are not imbued with the image of our Creator or with a sense of morality.

No,

What I mean to say is that as a person on this earth, especially in these chaotic times one has to make a conscious effort to continually define himself. I like what Joel Osteen preaches when he exorts us to think positive thoughts. If you harbor negativity or pessimism in your heart then the Bible says "a man reaps what he sows" and that "as a man thinks in his heart, so is he."

Do you know how many times I have fallen prey to peoples expectations or appraisals of me? Even my pastors? And how often it made me upset?

Tony is hopeless
Tony is a bit*h
Tony is crazy
Tony is a bad influence
Tony has fallen away from the faith
Tony needs help he is unstable
Tony is conceited
Tony looks like an alien
etc
etc
etc

In my life - Ive had people try to turn me gay, people insinuate (verbally) that I must be gay because I havent had a girlfriend for the past 9 years, people tell me to stop writing poetry, people tell me I am not their type - that I dont measure up to their standards. Ive had girls roll their eyes at me for no reason other than disdain. Ive had girlfriends cheat on me in school when I doted on them liberally. Ive had guys roll their eyes at me for no discernable reason, dating back to middle school (one time a guy just punched me in the chest as he walked past me on his way to class - FOR NO REASON)

I used to take these issues to heart and believe that I was entirely culpable. I thought everyone else was right and I was wrong and that I really was a bad person. That I was lame, soft, a punk and that everyone else in the world could beat me up and wanted to do so. I had low self-esteem for a long time, and thought happiness was on the otherside of the moon.

But then I looked to the scriptures and saw how Jesus never waivered in his convictions and self-awareness. In John 8:49 Jesus tells the Jews "I do not have a demon" after they had launched a hailstorm of attacks on his character and continually accused him of being demon possessed. Jesus knew he did not have a demon and no one could tell him otherwise. He knew he would do big things in life too: He told his disciples "You will see the son of man coming on the clouds in power and glory" Matthew 24:30

Similarly I have had to remind myself that I am a child of God created in His image and that God has chosen me before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1:4) for good works. So listen, it is my job to combat to every negative thought (2 Corinthians 10:5) and keep my head held high.

I refuse to let anyone tell me anything that doesnt honor my personhood in the Lord.

So what I want to say (and every morning henceforth) is:

I AM a good poet and I will have a great measure of success with this blog. I will be famous because of it

I AM NOT gay because I am not dating a girl right now.

I HAVE NOT fallen away from my faith in Jesus just because I have a different relationship with Him than others do.

I AM NOT hopeless, unstable, or crazy or a bit*h

I AM the best in this generation at what I do, and no one can do what I do better than me

I AM going to be wildly successful in this life and I do have many friends who love me just the way I am. Heck, I will be a celebrity one day, just wait and see!

You cant stop me, even if you tried

I DO HAVE SWAGGER - in Jesus Christ the Lord


ME AND JESUS - DO YOU HAVE SWAGGA LIKE US???

This is my essence. What is yours?

Dont let someone tell you that youre worthless, because in the end it its your choice in the Lord baby!


HAIL TO THE REDSKINS HAIL TO THE REDSKINS

Megan Fox is Like Lambs Blood Baby! So Sexay!!!

"This is how you are to eat it: with your cloak tucked into your belt, your sandals on your feet and your staff in your hand. Eat it in haste; it is the LORD's Passover."
-----------[Megan, you are beautiful, like sacrificial lamb]



Megan,
Tonight I must eat meat roasted over the fire
in haste
sandals on my feet and my staff in hand
bitter herb seasoning and bread with no yeast
and fear
and trembling
Holding the hand of my mother, wiping her tears
trying to drown out the the voice of the slaughtered lamb agonizing
...with thoughts of a better place
a land flowing with milk, succulent honey dripping from honeycombs
no more whips
the flesh on my back rejuvenating in cool streams away from here.
No more chains and grating commands
from slavemasters impervious to sympathy
(indifferent to human suffering)

Because the Angel of the Lord is loneliness
baby,
and it is passing through Egypt! Through the land
of my thirst and groaning- love seeking; Begging women
please stop doling out pain to my heart like lashes,
making my whole body shake and spasm
(Their rejection of me is like a cat of nine tails)
Slave masters! Slave drivers!
Who could care less if I died tomorrow buried in sand by dry wind....
But Megan, you are my safeguard
and my passage to a paradise of my grandiose expectations
like a shield

Give me your hand in marriage...please
and save my dreams of love like a firstborn
while loneliness strikes everyone else’s son
and you will be my commemoration for generations to come.
Your dark hair, your gorgeous face
is like sacrificial blood brushed on the doorposts of my soul...
(please deign to come be with me, even though I am unworthy of you)
Saving me from certain death
From being alone forever




(I could use a girl like you on my team, babygirl)
(I love you guuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrllllll)




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Exodus 12 (NIV)
The Passover
1 The LORD said to Moses and Aaron in Egypt, 2 "This month is to be for you the first month, the first month of your year. 3 Tell the whole community of Israel that on the tenth day of this month each man is to take a lamb [a] for his family, one for each household. 4 If any household is too small for a whole lamb, they must share one with their nearest neighbor, having taken into account the number of people there are. You are to determine the amount of lamb needed in accordance with what each person will eat. 5 The animals you choose must be year-old males without defect, and you may take them from the sheep or the goats. 6 Take care of them until the fourteenth day of the month, when all the people of the community of Israel must slaughter them at twilight. 7 Then they are to take some of the blood and put it on the sides and tops of the doorframes of the houses where they eat the lambs. 8 That same night they are to eat the meat roasted over the fire, along with bitter herbs, and bread made without yeast. 9 Do not eat the meat raw or cooked in water, but roast it over the fire—head, legs and inner parts. 10 Do not leave any of it till morning; if some is left till morning, you must burn it. 11 This is how you are to eat it: with your cloak tucked into your belt, your sandals on your feet and your staff in your hand. Eat it in haste; it is the LORD's Passover.
12 "On that same night I will pass through Egypt and strike down every firstborn—both men and animals—and I will bring judgment on all the gods of Egypt. I am the LORD. 13 The blood will be a sign for you on the houses where you are; and when I see the blood, I will pass over you. No destructive plague will touch you when I strike Egypt.

14 "This is a day you are to commemorate; for the generations to come you shall celebrate it as a festival to the LORD -a lasting ordinance. 15 For seven days you are to eat bread made without yeast. On the first day remove the yeast from your houses, for whoever eats anything with yeast in it from the first day through the seventh must be cut off from Israel. 16 On the first day hold a sacred assembly, and another one on the seventh day. Do no work at all on these days, except to prepare food for everyone to eat—that is all you may do.

17 "Celebrate the Feast of Unleavened Bread, because it was on this very day that I brought your divisions out of Egypt. Celebrate this day as a lasting ordinance for the generations to come. 18 In the first month you are to eat bread made without yeast, from the evening of the fourteenth day until the evening of the twenty-first day. 19 For seven days no yeast is to be found in your houses. And whoever eats anything with yeast in it must be cut off from the community of Israel, whether he is an alien or native-born. 20 Eat nothing made with yeast. Wherever you live, you must eat unleavened bread."

21 Then Moses summoned all the elders of Israel and said to them, "Go at once and select the animals for your families and slaughter the Passover lamb. 22 Take a bunch of hyssop, dip it into the blood in the basin and put some of the blood on the top and on both sides of the doorframe. Not one of you shall go out the door of his house until morning. 23 When the LORD goes through the land to strike down the Egyptians, he will see the blood on the top and sides of the doorframe and will pass over that doorway, and he will not permit the destroyer to enter your houses and strike you down.

24 "Obey these instructions as a lasting ordinance for you and your descendants. 25 When you enter the land that the LORD will give you as he promised, observe this ceremony. 26 And when your children ask you, 'What does this ceremony mean to you?' 27 then tell them, 'It is the Passover sacrifice to the LORD, who passed over the houses of the Israelites in Egypt and spared our homes when he struck down the Egyptians.' " Then the people bowed down and worshiped. 28 The Israelites did just what the LORD commanded Moses and Aaron.

29 At midnight the LORD struck down all the firstborn in Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh, who sat on the throne, to the firstborn of the prisoner, who was in the dungeon, and the firstborn of all the livestock as well. 30 Pharaoh and all his officials and all the Egyptians got up during the night, and there was loud wailing in Egypt, for there was not a house without someone dead.

How can you call Jesus - "My Nig"?. Thats Just Wrong thats Just Offensive!!

Let me clear the air. Perhaps my choice of words pertaining to Jesus offends you? Well if it does, read up:



I can, and will call Jesus whatever I want to call Him. About 2000 years ago His Blood soaked a wooden cross so the veil between me and God could be rent in two. The Bible says I should approach God's throne of Grace Boldly because of what Jesus has done for me on Calvary. That means I can diddy bop up into the throne room of God and give all the angels a pound and be like "WHATS UP PEOPLES!!! LETS PARTY LIKE ROCK STARS UP IN THIS PIECE!!!" See if I dont 1-2 step with Mary, the Mother of God when I get up there!!!

So yeah, Im going to be bold and Im going to be free and Im going to have fun with Jesus just to show the world His Death wasnt in vain. If you dont like me calling Jesus "My Nig" then take it up with Jesus and I assure you the Holy Spirit will reveal to you I do not stand condemned before my God. (Guess what? While you clench your jaw at me, Im laughing at your immaturity in Christ.)

Jesus Christ is my friend. There were dark hours in my life where you never were, and you probably would never come if you had the chance, but that Jesus dared enter and shined His Light. Jesus Christ has rescued my life many times, you havent. JESUS CHRIST PREVENTED A MAN FROM CARJACKING ME IN BROAD DAYLIGHT...IF LEFT TO YOUR DEVICES I WOULD HAVE TO FILE A POLICE REPORT BECAUSE YOU DONT HAVE THE GUTS TO STAND UP FOR ME LIKE JESUS DID, BOY.

So if you have a problem with the way I address the Only Man that ever meant anything to me in my life - then tough. Im going to keep addressing Jesus in whatever way I feel like and you will just have to deal with it. My Nig is a term of endearment.

People have been hating on me all my life, you think Im going to let you stop me? You think Jesus brought me this far for a jealous mortal man to discourage me from proclaiming my love and intimacy for him before the whole world?

If you want me to stop resting in the fact that I am a joint heir to the Kingdom of God with my Nig Jesus Christ then that will be one desire you never have granted this side of heaven.

Keep it moving, because I WILL NEVER STOP. I WILL PROCLAIM JESUS CHRIST AS MY FRIEND UNTIL MY HEART STOPS BEATING.

Now go and hate on me some more and let it consume the rest of your day, you lames!

AND IM GONNA KEEP HAVING SEX WITH YAHWEH!!! HA!!!!!

DIDNT GOD SAY WE SHOULD LOVE HIM WITH ALL OUR HEARTS AND MINDS AND SOULS??? ISNT THAT PRETTY MUCH LIKE SEX??? ISNT IT CALLED HOLY MATRIMONY BECAUSE SEX BETWEEN A HUSBAND AND WIFE IS HOLY????

...maaaannnneeee Get behind me Satan!!!

A Letter to My Future Wife (10-08-08)

Jesus: Tony, you are a man now. Show them how a man treats a woman. Show them how you will treat My daughter when I give her to you.

Tony: No diggity, no doubt my nig. You know this has been a long time coming...I can feel her getting closer. Make me worthy of her hand, Lord. Make me worthy of Your Hand, Lord.

Jesus: No doubt. Proceed....





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To my future wife (whoever you are): I have been waiting for you enduringly. Ive been praying, griping, groaning for your presence the majority of my life, it seems. Now I just want to write to you as the day is dawning and the night of my pensiveness comes to and end. I distinctly remember the other day praying to God rather poignantly, saying "I realize now I don't want a woman anymore...I need a woman in my life." Beforehand maybe I was driven by fleeting lust for sex or companionship, but now I have reckoned with the deficiencies lodged deep within the content of my spirit that beg me to find someone to compliment me...a help-mate. God put me in a deep sleep of reflection before I could realize what had happened to me; He took a piece of me away and from it formed you. You are me, and I am you. I am part of you and you are part of me. I am restless until I find you. The day we will finally meet each other is coming, the day I can look into your eyes and see the product of thousands of years of preparation being made (husbands loving wives, and wives loving husbands) in order for me to genuinely exclaim as part of a long and storied heritage: This is flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone!!!

"The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."" Genesis 2:18
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-------------LETTERS TO MY FUTURE WIFE (Part 1)
[Jeremiah 3:14b "for I am your husband. I will choose you—one from a town and two from a clan—and bring you to Zion".]
--------------------------------------GOD HASTEN THE DAY WE FINALLY MEET



I am going to tell you what Jesus told me
"come, follow my heart"
and leave your father and brothers behind in their boats
trust me
and let me walk on the irregular waters of unstable love like firm soil
and let me multiply your joy like fish and loaves
food for four thousand out of leftover scraps for one
because I don't have much to offer you
except these hope filled eyes of mine
that beg to heal your loneliness like an issue of blood
if you would just touch the hem of my desire
for you
and hug me four straight days so I can tell your expectant
relatives waiting for you to find a husband
"Take off the grave clothes and let her go"
Because today your singleness is dead
and a new man who will cherish you commands you
to walk out from behind that stone tomb
I have come to take you to new heights
to care about you, doting on you
Eternally

In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit
I want you to proclaim our love
First in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria
and to the ends of the earth.
Let the reality of our love settle inside you
...A mighty rushing wind....
so you can speak in a new tongue
and a new language
telling everyone you know
"God, this man loves me"
So exuberant that all in proximity think you’re drunk

Because I have been praying
all my life
that you and I would be one someday
and that God would keep you safe.
Ive been in my Gethsemane of anxiety
sweating blood
closing my eyes and begging God to take
my cup of loneliness away
(before the Jewish soldiers of infertility come)
And life is a crucifixion without you
near
Doubt and despair like two thieves are always close
mocking me




(But I wont give up. The day is coming soon that I can say "It is finished. She is MINE" ALL MINE HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!)





["Come, follow me," Jesus said Matthew 4:19a]

Alicia Keys, My Unfulfilled Desire For You is A Daughter Wailing

And His disciples came and urged Him, saying, “Send her away, for she cries out after us.”-----------------------------[Alicia Keys I love you. I want just a crumb from your table of endearment]




My hands can't cover my ears sufficiently
to stop her shrill screams from piercing my ears.
I try to hold my desire
like it was my own daughter in my arms and rock it to sleep...
but "it is severely demon possessed"
Alicia, holy woman of David have mercy on me
free me from my ills and my
unquenched yearning to be with you (the gravest of evils)
Let me place my arms around your waist and
lay my chin on your shoulder
and cry
because you make me so happy

To spite your disciples
I will yell out my love for you
even if it means chasing,
even if it means worshipping at your feet
exclaiming "help me!" "love me!" "help me!"
understand me:
you don't have to let me eat at your table
just let me eat the crumbs that fall -
of your exuberance
your contagious smile
your beautiful face
your voice smooth like silk
please just to be near you,
that's all
even if I'm on the floor

So great is my faith
in us, Alicia, that it has the power
to grant me what I have wanted specifically:
because you and me together forever is the healing of my daughter
so drastically sick
(my desire moaning in spasms)
With you in my life I want to live again
and rest in your arms as your husband
this "very hour"


(Please Alicia, love me, have mercy on your servant Tony!)



------------------------------------[Matthew 15:21-28 NKJV]
Then Jesus went out from there and departed to the region of Tyre and Sidon. And behold, a woman of Canaan came from that region and cried out to Him, saying, "Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David! My daughter is severely demon-possessed." But He answered her not a word. And His disciples came and urged Him, saying, “Send her away, for she cries out after us." But He answered and said, "I was not sent except to the lost sheep of the house of Israel." Then she came and worshiped Him, saying, "Lord, help me!" But He answered and said, "It is not good to take the children’s bread and throw it to the little dogs." And she said, "Yes, Lord, yet even the little dogs eat the crumbs which fall from their masters’ table." Then Jesus answered and said to her, "O woman, great is your faith! Let it be to you as you desire.” And her daughter was healed from that very hour.

Kim Kardashian in Cana: Dancing with the Stars in My Heart!!!

And when they ran out of wine, the mother of Jesus said to Him, "They have no wine."---------------------[Kim Kardashian in Cana]-------



Kim Kardashian (sorry Reggie!), baby
My heart is six waterpots of stone
at a wedding with you not around. Singleness
is like rowdy guests, Kim.
like rowdy guests
who cant stop watching Dancing with the Stars
to try and take the edge off...anything to lessen their pain...
I requested your friendship on Myspace but
my patience amidst your silence is interrupted by my Mother telling me
"they have no wine"
(the tension in the air is thick and drapes us all)
without you in my arms those twenty to thirty gallon pots are hollow
like I am inside
and I wont use them for purification...because nothing can wash away
the stain of your absence
(on my big day)

Im on my knees Kim
Im begging you to save me from inconsolable grief
Order your servants from hollywood to deliver a message:
"Tell Tony Conti I have come to fill the waterpots with water"
And I would translate your esoteric speech to mean
I will be filled with joy like wine
because you are my Miracle, and you are my Savior
and you are the Chosen One to me
...prophesied in the Torah
so let the wedding commence and the attendees
be satiated

At the end of the day, girl
you are the only thing that matters to this bridegroom
I never thought I would find a love like this
...a woman whose lips I absolutely pine for
at 27 years of age, and after being single so long
Kim, "You have kept the good wine [for me] until now"



(Just because you got booted from Dancing with the Stars, don’t mean you got booted from my heart.....baby! OH YEAAAAAAH!!! KIM K! KIM K! .....Im like totally on Team Kardashian)




[John 2:1-11]
On the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. Now both Jesus and His disciples were invited to the wedding. And when they ran out of wine, the mother of Jesus said to Him, "They have no wine." Jesus said to her, “Woman, what does your concern have to do with Me? My hour has not yet come.” His mother said to the servants, "Whatever He says to you, do it." Now there were set there six waterpots of stone, according to the manner of purification of the Jews, containing twenty or thirty gallons apiece. Jesus said to them, "Fill the waterpots with water." And they filled them up to the brim. And He said to them, "Draw some out now, and take it to the master of the feast." And they took it. When the master of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and did not know where it came from (but the servants who had drawn the water knew), the master of the feast called the bridegroom. And he said to him, "Every man at the beginning sets out the good wine, and when the guests have well drunk, then the inferior. You have kept the good wine until now!" This beginning of signs Jesus did in Cana of Galilee, and manifested His glory; and His disciples believed in Him.