Wesley Snipes and King David are the same person. Seriously

It happened in the spring of the year, at the time when kings go out to battle, that David sent Joab and his servants with him, and all Israel; and they destroyed the people of Ammon and besieged Rabbah. But David remained at Jerusalem.

Then it happened one evening that David arose from his bed and walked on the roof of the king’s house. And from the roof he saw a woman bathing, and the woman was very beautiful to behold. (2 Samuel 11:1-2)
-------------------------[King David and Wesley Snipes are the Same]...Dear Wesley




Wesley,
you are King David on his throne...
red carpet, crown ruby encrusted robe of purple
made of wool
and your sword laced in dried blood (from man and beast)
seven hundred charioteers and forty thousand horsemen of the Syrians
(all the baddies from 3 Blade movies) (don’t forget demolition man)
reside in hell’s darkest pit
on your account
and numerous others fearfully submit or pay tribute,
that are lucky to be living, their dread notwithstanding....
manifold wives, manifold foreign lands and the plans for God’s temple,
an edifice for the Glory of Israel all summarily entrusted to you
(you were hollywood’s Golden Boy)
the promise of God:
royalty will never depart from your house
royalty will never depart from your house

But at the time when Kings go to war (when people file taxes)
you remained at Jerusalem, perhaps
commencing a battle within
perhaps visions of Goliath begin to haunt you, his eyes as sharp as an eagle,
afflicting your soul. You hear the gentle trickle of the
stream (where you got rocks for your sling) as a fierce wave
and you remember the convulsions
that preceded fighting a man eight feet tall,
and forgot the prophet's words, esteeming you in a field while tending sheep
the filling of the Holy Spirit at your coronation
...your righteousness, your virtue...
just a memory
while you relax
losing your identity, your religion

All Israel can still smell
Samuel's anointing oil, poured on your head
drenching your curly hair
clasping your handsome face
your proud father can still hear the cheering from his neighbors
but all you hearken to is the sound of water dripping down
a shapely woman’s body (the sound of hoarding possessions not your own)
screaming louder than the cries of Uriah in the trenches condemned
louder than the Levites proclaiming “his love endures forever”
deaf ears to the oath you made as king




(Now the sword will never depart your house)

!!!!!!!!!!!Gotta pay them taxes, man!

****
"Thus says The Lord, the God of Israel, 'I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you out of the hand of Saul; and I gave you your master's house, and your master's wives into your bosom, and gave you the house of Israel and of Judah; and if this were too little, I would add to you as much more. Why have you despised the word of The Lord, to do what is evil in his sight? You have smitten Uriah the Hittite with the sword, and have taken his wife to be your wife, and have slain him with the sword of the Ammonites. Now therefore the sword shall never depart from your house, because you have despised Me, and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife.'" (2 Samuel 12:7-10 RSV)

I am like Ahab, and I want a BAD girl (sorry nice girls!)

[Hey Ladies, you don't like nice guys? If a guy treats you right you disregard him? Well, guess what? I don’t like nice girls. May God deal with me, be it ever so severely, if I do not marry a bad girl!] *** Dedicated to the memory of Jezebel
------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 Kings 19:2
So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, "May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them."

There was none who sold himself to do what was evil in the sight of the Lord like Ahab, whom Jezebel his wife incited. 1 Kings 21:25

When Jehu came to Jezreel, Jezebel heard of it. And she painted her eyes and adorned her head and looked out of the window. 2Kings 9:30
-----------------Nice Guys Want Chaos [Jezebel, I Want the Tyranny of Your Love]; Ahab's thoughts after meeting Jezebel----------








Jezebel,
If I was to sit on Israel's throne I would compel you to
sit beside me
your provocative dress embroidered (intricately), with gold earrings shining
your nose ring, your navel ring sparkling
tattoos spread over your body
seducing me,
with painted eyes
to do your will, albeit wickedly. I would wield the kings scepter
but only at your direction
and kiss you, only at your leading (hopefully often)
consider the king’s seal at your disposal
decrees from your pen, will be stamped with my approval
from my heart beguiled
from fantasies
from longings for ecstasy

You say worship Baal
I say worship love
and the exhilaration of your rebellion in my blood;
your black hair is like waves of the deep sea at night overtaking me
being with you is liberation from thought
freedom from cares, from wars and pillaging lepers
lurking on the town's perimeter...from lions on the town’s outskirts
showing their teeth
and famine plaguing the body from decay
the altar of Baal in Samaria
the temple of Baal in a foreign land
are trinkets of my affections, the Asherah Pole erected
is a symbol of my undying adulation for you
disobedience is so sexy because of you, so exotic
I love you baby, more than my own life

And for this, I will die
our reckless kinship will cause all before us to regress into sin
false prophets will die due to lack of fire
righteous ones by the sword
Naboth the Jezreelite will suffocate in a thick wind of stones
this romance will "consume [my] descendants"
"and cut off from [me] every last male in Israel—slave or free"
but know
until my last breath, when an arrow pierces me
"between the sections of my armor"
I will always hold you close
Until I say
"Wheel around and get me out of the fighting. I've been wounded"
I am your soul mate
Forever




[Taken from People.com website:
Lauren Conrad is dating - but nice guys need not apply.

"Nice guys are great to take home to your parents, but you want a guy that keeps you on your toes," The Hills star told PEOPLE Saturday at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner in Washington, D.C.

Is that why the reality star always seems to fall for playboys like Stephen Colletti and Brody Jenner? (Not to mention bad boys like Jason Wahler.) "It's a pattern I have," she admitted.]











1 Kings 21:1-16
Now Naboth the Jezreelite had a vineyard in Jezreel, beside the palace of Ahab king of Samaria. And after this Ahab said to Naboth, "Give me your vineyard, that I may have it for a vegetable garden, because it is near my house, and I will give you a better vineyard for it; or, if it seems good to you, I will give you its value in money." But Naboth said to Ahab, "The Lord forbid that I should give you the inheritance of my fathers." And Ahab went into his house vexed and sullen because of what Naboth the Jezreelite had said to him, for he had said, "I will not give you the inheritance of my fathers." And he lay down on his bed and turned away his face and would eat no food. But Jezebel his wife came to him and said to him, "Why is your spirit so vexed that you eat no food?" And he said to her, "Because I spoke to Naboth the Jezreelite and said to him, 'Give me your vineyard for money, or else, if it please you, I will give you another vineyard for it.' And he answered, 'I will not give you my vineyard.'" And Jezebel his wife said to him, "Do you now govern Israel? Arise and eat bread and let your heart be cheerful; I will give you the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite." So she wrote letters in Ahab's name and sealed them with his seal, and she sent the letters to the elders and the leaders who lived with Naboth in his city. And she wrote in the letters, "Proclaim a fast, and set Naboth at the head of the people. And set two worthless men opposite him, and let them bring a charge against him, saying, 'You have cursed God and the king.' Then take him out and stone him to death." And the men of his city, the elders and the leaders who lived in his city, did as Jezebel had sent word to them. As it was written in the letters that she had sent to them, they proclaimed a fast and set Naboth at the head of the people. And the two worthless men came in and sat opposite him. And the worthless men brought a charge against Naboth in the presence of the people, saying, "Naboth cursed God and the king." So they took him outside the city and stoned him to death with stones. Then they sent to Jezebel, saying, "Naboth has been stoned; he is dead." As soon as Jezebel heard that Naboth had been stoned and was dead, Jezebel said to Ahab, "Arise, take possession of the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite, which he refused to give you for money, for Naboth is not alive, but dead." And as soon as Ahab heard that Naboth was dead, Ahab arose to go down to the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite, to take possession of it.

2 Kings 9:30-37
When Jehu came to Jezreel, Jezebel heard of it. And she painted her eyes and adorned her head and looked out of the window. And as Jehu entered the gate, she said, "Is it peace, you Zimri, murderer of your master?" And he lifted up his face to the window and said, "Who is on my side? Who?" Two or three eunuchs looked out at him. He said, "Throw her down." So they threw her down. And some of her blood spattered on the wall and on the horses, and they trampled on her. Then he went in and ate and drank. And he said, "See now to this cursed woman and bury her, for she is a king's daughter." But when they went to bury her, they found no more of her than the skull and the feet and the palms of her hands. When they came back and told him, he said, "This is the word of the Lord, which he spoke by his servant Elijah the Tishbite, 'In the territory of Jezreel the dogs shall eat the flesh of Jezebel, and the corpse of Jezebel shall be as dung on the face of the field in the territory of Jezreel, so that no one can say, This is Jezebel.'"

1 Kings 19:1-2
Now Ahab told Jezebel everything Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, "May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them."

1 Kings 16:29-31
In the thirty-eighth year of Asa king of Judah, Ahab son of Omri became king of Israel, and he reigned in Samaria over Israel twenty-two years. Ahab son of Omri did more evil in the eyes of the LORD than any of those before him. He not only considered it trivial to commit the sins of Jeroboam son of Nebat, but he also married Jezebel daughter of Ethbaal king of the Sidonians, and began to serve Baal and worship him.

Carly Smithson: The One That Got Away (isnt she hot?)

And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, “You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me
---------------The One That Got Away: Carly Smithson is the Rich Young Ruler, I love her....resignedly-----[Jesus' thoughts on the rich young ruler]



[Carly]

You are special
I see so much potential in you
You are not like one who foams and grinds his teeth
becoming rigid, a victim of this faithless generation
drawing large crowds static in unbelief
whose heart transmogrifies into stone
(unable to love himself enough to be free)
and tongue cleaves to the roof of his mouth
(unable to cry or speak out for deliverance)
in helplessness being thrown to the ground
whose tears form a river, down his face streaming
forsaken
indefinitely

You are not like haughty teachers of Judaic law
duplicitous and insensitive
whitewashed tombs, seeking the death of those nearest them
to fill the void inside
to sing a dirge in their honor
posthumously

You have fled the mediocrity of sin
and victimhood and predatory practices
in favor of dignity, poise, and adherence to the law
you have the spirit of a saint, aspiring to the reach the kingdom
(Your blue eyes, and vivid tattoo the length of your arm
Infatuate and captivate me. You are drop dead gorgeous)
Sell all you have, remunerate the poor for all their troubles
with your life
...cast aside everything that could possibly come between us
and turn your back on everything you thought you knew
let me show you the depths of my love, the depths of this longing
I have for you
I am the eternal life you want, together we shall never die. Come (Carly)
follow me



(Would you abandon all to be with me? Forget American Idol, girl. Be Tony's Idol.)




Mark 10:17-25
And as he was setting out on his journey, a man ran up and knelt before him and asked him, "Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?" And Jesus said to him, "Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone. You know the commandments: 'Do not murder, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not defraud, Honor your father and mother.'" And he said to him, "Teacher, all these I have kept from my youth." And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, "You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me." Disheartened by the saying, he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions. And Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, "How difficult it will be for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God!" And the disciples were amazed at his words. But Jesus said to them again, "Children, how difficult it is to enter the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God."

Sin is like Zimri and Cozbi...we must kill it. We must MURDER them..

And Moses said to the judges of Israel, "Each of you kill those of his men who have yoked themselves to Baal of Peor."
------------------------The thoughts of Phinehas before killing Zimri and Cozbi-----



Its in the camp
this pestilence lingers....
my flesh is puss, seeping thick white mucous
irritating pain
my vision is blurred and skewed the blue sky
is orange to me. At night it is blood red foreshadowing a death ignominious
awaiting (us all)
irregular heartbeats disrupt my dreams:
my lone solace from this torment
I would hold my wife, if it weren't for the blisters (jagged)
I would kiss her, if it weren’t for my dry lips

The origins of our plight foment a bastion of anger
about my conscience
Inconsolable to any talk of pardon
I am sick of what you’ve done
I am sick of what Ive become as a result
My people wail in agony, they weep at the tent of meeting
fervently
Little children scream inaudibly, their vocal cords decayed from the infection
Overtaking them
Misery walks among us in her pure form, unadulterated, unmitigated

At this fate my hands tremble
I CANT LET THIS HAPPEN
the spirit of retribution has possessed me...I can feel it inside
(I remember the outcasts in the sun before the Lord hanging
their feet dangling from their stoned torsos
purged from our camp with the daughters of Moab, exotic)
I must find a cure, freedom from my vile lot
I have resolved to wash myself in the purifying streams of murder
Anoint my head with the of oil my enemies' graves
I must leave my people to find a panacea for our ills
Before the Lord I will kneel
Before the jealousy of our God I will grab my spear

I WILL BATHE IN THE BLOOD OF THE ENTRAILS OF ZIMRI
MY SPEAR WILL BRUTALIZE THE SKIN OF COZBI
I AM SICK OF YOU TWO
REST WILL NOT COME UNTIL I SLEEP ON YOUR SEVERED HEADS
THIS EVENING
I swear it




(The Lord will not consume Israel because of their sinfulness, I swear it)


Numbers 25:1-13
While Israel lived in Shittim, the people began to whore with the daughters of Moab. These invited the people to the sacrifices of their gods, and the people ate and bowed down to their gods. So Israel yoked himself to Baal of Peor. And the anger of the Lord was kindled against Israel. And the Lord said to Moses, "Take all the chiefs of the people and hang them in the sun before the Lord, that the fierce anger of the Lord may turn away from Israel." And Moses said to the judges of Israel, "Each of you kill those of his men who have yoked themselves to Baal of Peor." And behold, one of the people of Israel came and brought a Midianite woman to his family, in the sight of Moses and in the sight of the whole congregation of the people of Israel, while they were weeping in the entrance of the tent of meeting. When Phinehas the son of Eleazar, son of Aaron the priest, saw it, he rose and left the congregation and took a spear in his hand and went after the man of Israel into the chamber and pierced both of them, the man of Israel and the woman through her belly. Thus the plague on the people of Israel was stopped. Nevertheless, those who died by the plague were twenty-four thousand. And the Lord said to Moses, “Phinehas the son of Eleazar, son of Aaron the priest, has turned back my wrath from the people of Israel, in that he was jealous with my jealousy among them, so that I did not consume the people of Israel in my jealousy. Therefore say, 'Behold, I give to him my covenant of peace, and it shall be to him and to his descendants after him the covenant of a perpetual priesthood, because he was jealous for his God and made atonement for the people of Israel.'"

"Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you."

When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day's journey into the desert. He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. "I have had enough, LORD," he said. "Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors."
--------------------------[Jennifer, life without you is my desert. I am Elijah, and I want to die]



Your rejection of me is Jezebel into a desert
driving me
to despair, to dejection and loss of desire to live
...you have pretty green eyes, Jennifer....
they are awesome like fire falling from the sky
searing the torso of a bull
even scorching the wood, the stones and the soil six feet removed
from where the people fall prostrate, covering our faces
before the altar of the LORD effulgent
I cry out to those who say we cant be together
"Seize the prophets of Baal."
"Don't let anyone get away!"
because I love you so much, baby. My heart beating for you is
the sound of heavy rain it is
"a cloud as small as a man's hand...rising from the sea."
Compelling Ahab to flee for safety

But baby, its getting hard for me
you tell me you are areligious, that you are dating someone now
these are the acerbic words from Jezebel’s servant
terrifying me (so I run with abandon)
the thought of us not being together is worse than death
it strips me of the will to live
it strips me of all my cares (even those close to me)
Let everyone stay in Beersheba in Judah! while I press on a day's journey
Let me be
LET ME DIE
Please God, I cant take being without Jennifer anymore...
I have had enough

To get through this I will need the touch of an angel
a cake of bread baked over hot coals
and a jar of water
to sustain me, to resuscitate hope
in my lungs
please….please....please...
just impart to me enough strength to get to Horeb
it is only 40 days and 40 nights away


(Let me reassess this crisis in a cave)




Elijah Flees to Horeb (1 Kings 19:1-9)
Now Ahab told Jezebel everything Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, "May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them." Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day's journey into the desert. He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. "I have had enough, LORD," he said. "Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors." Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep. All at once an angel touched him and said, "Get up and eat." He looked around, and there by his head was a cake of bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again. The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, "Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you." So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. There he went into a cave and spent the night.

Under the Oak in Ophrah (I draw hope)

When the angel of the LORD appeared to Gideon, he said, "The LORD is with you, mighty warrior." (Judges 6:12)
--------------- A mighty man under the oak in Ophrah ///---The thoughts of Gideon (around a campfire with his men) before he attacked the Midianites


Dew on fleece
Dew on the grass
for years my people have wrung their hands
watched their backs (chased by paranoia)
hid
in shadows, fled terror by day and held each other by night
tightly
the men sleep in entry ways of shelters
disgracefully prepared for themselves in mountain clefts
wondering: if Egypt was just a faint memory a dream
of epic proportions
our women have the look of resignation in their eyes...a look
that tears a man’s soul to pieces

Everyone is afraid of the Midianites
Everyone is terrified of the Amalekites
not our crops only, but they pillage our hearts
Twenty two thousand men in the unflinching face of adversity emerge as
Ten thousand who drink in haste, dwelling on Hades instead
become three hundred ill-equipped to wield a sword against
such a savage, nefarious foe
with yellow eyes like wolves
and gangling teeth like lions...
Israel is a herd of sheep in the night haunted by phantoms
we cry for the children of the covenant and our rebellious fathers
who erected altars to Baal, and have left behind a remnant forsaken of God
forever hunted

How can I save my people with only three hundred, well mannered men?
it is enough for me to gather wheat in a winepress
and kiss my wife without wiping a tear from my eye
I love her so much but lack the strength
to bring even a slight smile to her face.
but lately there are whispers of
"A round loaf of barley bread...tumbling into the Midianite camp"
there are whispers among the men that the darkness may yet come to an end
our once flaccid arrows have become thirsty for blood
we all sing songs around fire as the day of battle draws near
tonight I close my eyes and dream:
A young goat, an ephah of flour without yeast
A mighty man under the oak in Ophrah, and the words
"Mighty warrior, the Lord is with you"



-------------
Gideon said to God, "If you will save Israel by my hand as you have promised- look, I will place a wool fleece on the threshing floor. If there is dew only on the fleece and all the ground is dry, then I will know that you will save Israel by my hand, as you said." And that is what happened. Gideon rose early the next day; he squeezed the fleece and wrung out the dew—a bowlful of water. Then Gideon said to God, "Do not be angry with me. Let me make just one more request. Allow me one more test with the fleece. This time make the fleece dry and the ground covered with dew." That night God did so. Only the fleece was dry; all the ground was covered with dew. (Judges 6:36-40)

They pursued the Midianites and brought the heads of Oreb and Zeeb to Gideon, who was by the Jordan. (Judges 7:25)

Place of a Skull

[Matthew 27:33] And when they had come to a place called Golgotha, that is to say, Place of a Skull
---------------Jesus Listen: ** Satan's words to Jesus as he hung from the cross in darkness **



I know why you fear the black (of sky)
That's when the ravens scream at the top of their lungs
and when the wind, insidious, whispers in your ear
subtly
the secret fears shrouded behind your "divine" veneer
there is no one to see you cry now
no father to call "abba" in your misery no one to shield
your "meek" heart from the truth: you are a son repudiated
a teacher spurned
meanwhile come to understand you have "saved" not a soul
unfazed by your teachings the "flock" still harbors hatred inside
forsaking you before Pilate, laughing at Roman soldiers
casting lots for your clothing
a crown of thorns bestowed
on your head:
deep gashes,
puddles of blood

From the scum to your left, the cur to your right
hanging
you are indistinct
erstwhile friends ("tax collectors and sinners") now enemies mocking
ultimately esteeming Barabbas more righteous...
please realize there is no Justice in this world, there is no Savior for
mankind now fallen
like all born of women you are eternally damned
and like all those you “healed” you will soon sleep in the grave
disturbed

Why has your father forsaken you?
why such an ill fate for one who purportedly did so well
you are the son of Joseph a carpenter and
mary, a peasant more common than noble.
Jesus, listen to me
an illusion is a rainbow with 24 elders seated around your throne
there are no seven lamps of fire burning
(if there were, you would see them now)
from dust you were created and from dust you shall return
ALONE
years from now we will open your tomb and find your skull



[Matthew 27:45] Now from the sixth hour until the ninth hour there was darkness over all the land.---------------

Joel 2:23 (For Lisa)

You are to me a cool autumn breeze
A relief from the sweltering summer sun
The simmering high noon haze of no romance
The thick humidity of loneliness
(sweating unbearably and a parched throat)
My desire for you is a deep thirst
Forever yearning. Beneath its scorching rays
My eyes glaze over - I feel myself fainting
Without your love I will just die
Life is not worth living

You are the brisk air the leaves scattered
I can see my breath as my soul pants for you

The shorter days yield to extended nights
The stars are angels. The constellations are prophets
The moon is a father to me as I dream of you
gazing into the sky as it writes your name
(in the center of my heart)

From now until spring I wish it would rain

From now until spring I wish it would rain

Jennifer Is My Food

John 4:34. Jesus said to them, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to accomplish His work."
--------------

Jennifer, your love is food to me
and I need it
I need it like I cant go on without it
my joy is famished, my soul filled with hunger pangs
my world is spinning
and knees are wobbling
when you’re gone. I never stop thinking about you
I dream about you
its like, deep in the recesses of my heart you and I have this
co-dependency
so much that I would prefer death to a lonely morbid existence
without you here....
I would call Hades my home, and the grave my bedroom
let decay be my sister and giving up the ghost
my uncle
Let my body be gaunt, and ribs protrude from my chest
Brittle bones I would rather have support me by your side
than sturdy bones in your absence
I can hear my stomach bellowing “starvation is not having you here”

To kiss you, is my meat
romancing you is substance enough
to progress each second past each second past each second
Your love is a banquet hall full of fine cuisine
delicacies from foreign lands.
holding your hand is my nourishment
hugging you, a full entree
surrendering to your will, making you happy is my gathering fruit for eternal life
the only wages I require are the bonds of matrimony
so that you who sow, and I who reap may rejoice
together

I need comestibles to stay alive for you
I will do whatever it takes to sway your heart and mind
I am so sad
I am so desperate
I am so meaningless if you reject me. Until you say the words
"I love you, baby"
I am yet unfilled
I need to eat



John 4.36-37 Already he who reaps is receiving wages and is gathering fruit for life eternal; so that he who sows and he who reaps may rejoice together. “For in this case the saying is true, ‘One sows and another reaps.’

Behind All The Mist

* For my brother
* dedicated to the Apostle Stephen, for looking to things that are above. I love you for that, man. Pray for me, that I would be able to do the selfsame thing during my trials...
* For Jennifer...that's my heart….you know its gotta be about her all the time right? (at least until...)

-------------------
And they stoned Stephen, calling upon the Lord, and saying, Lord Jesus, receive my spirit. (Acts 7.59)
And all that sat in the council, fastening their eyes on him, saw his face as it had been the face of an angel. (Acts 6.15)
--------{Behind the Mist; The thoughts of Stephen as he looked up and saw Jesus standing before him}-----------------------------------------------------------





When I was young at the first sound of the cock's crow
I used to run through the woods...
in the morning a heavy pervasive mist (like white clouds)
heralded the sunrise but shrouded the grass, trees and bushes
all around me in compelling mystery, save things immediately before me
those things
only a stone's throw away.
My freedom was restrained only by my mother's worried calling
that gripped my little conscience like death pangs do an immoral man
so I ran back blindly never mind what was in front of me
(the obstacles in my path).
Only upon reaching my house, seeing my mom standing
was my heart quiescent. Her smile so welcoming, I burrowed in her arms
tears down my cheeks streaming

Lay not these offenses to their charge, Oh God
(these jagged rocks flung from hardened hearts
and false offenses from the stubborn demon of fear)
those of the Libertines, and of the Cyrenians
and of the Alexandrians, and of them of Cilicia and Asia
"for they know not what they do"
May Moses forgive them as he forgave the former architects of the golden calf
though they drank its bitterness for their iniquities,
he interceded at Mt. Sinai on their behalf.
And you spared Solomon for the sake of his father David
even though he practiced infidelity, he built Your temple
inside which You dwelt

They do not terrify me.
Each stone that pierces my flesh
is like the branch that scratched me as a kid
running back home. But now I hear You calling instead of mom
so I hastily approach the throne of Grace
next to which I see you standing.
I stretch forth to what I see immediately in front of me only
(Your presence; just a stone's throw away)
tears streaming down my face, I reach out for Your Hands
to hold me
and finally reveal to me the mystery I sought as a boy
behind all the mist



for we have heard him say, that this Jesus of Nazareth shall destroy this place, and shall change the customs which Moses delivered unto us. (Acts 6.14)

A Night of Introspection, a Heart in Denial

*dedicated to Joseph, protector of the Holy Family, the righteous one.

Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found with child of the Holy Spirit. And Joseph her husband, being a righteous man, and not willing to make her a public example, was minded to put her away privily. (Matthew 1:18-19)

--------
-----------* I am Joseph, and Jennifer....she is like Mary betrothed but not mine (seemingly) ------
-------[A Night of Introspection, a Heart in Denial]: Joseph's thoughts on putting Mary away....




She was the convergence of all my thoughts
ever conceived
the culmination of many years of blood spilled and miracles wrought
by the Hand of my God
She was Isaac sacrificed hastily yet willingly
She was frogs haphazardly swarming the queen's bedroom in Egypt
(the Red Sea crashing on them that chased us)
She was Ruth lying enamored at Boaz's feet...
…David dodging a spear forcefully thrown
and a Kingdom graced with the wisdom of Solomon
and the beauty of the Temple built in Jerusalem;
once destroyed
She was Zerubbabel leading the effort to build it again.
Like Israel I loved her for all she had become…
through God, she never faltered
perennially prevailing
like Eleazar, Matthan, and Jacob
(my father)

And he loved her with every fiber of his being
my mom overwhelmingly endorsed her
the preserver of prophecy, the continuation of history
the comeliness that stole my heart
the winsome smile that ransacked my emotions, crushed my defenses
Im breathless
before her all I am is laid bare

She was everything I ever wanted

When I look at the moon through my teary eyes
and the creatures of the night pause at my wailing
I know deep inside
She will always be my wife
I’ll never ever stop clinging, never ever let go
(though I put her away...it will be secretly)



(your pregnancy cant take away my dreams of us together, Mary)



JENNIFER I AM LIKE JOSEPH, WHO IS FORCED TO PUT YOU AWAY BECAUSE YOU ARE DATING SOMEONE ELSE NOW. BUT KNOW I PUT YOU AWAY SECRETLY IN MY HEART. I WILL NEVER TELL YOU I AM OVER YOU AND I WILL NEVER BROADCAST THIS PUBLICLY. IN MY HEART YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MINE, AND I WILL ALWAYS BE YOURS. THERE IS SOMETHING SPECIAL ABOUT YOU; FOR THIS REASON, HOW CAN I EVER LET GO?