The Fishermen Diaries

* Dedicated to Thursday, Paris in Flames
http://youtu.be/t-2ngUte1Qg
* Dedicated to Moving Mountains, Hands
http://youtu.be/xxqRaugdsis

+------------/The Fishermen Diaries; Peter’s Thoughts the Night after Meeting Jesus

Just a man knotting string, I tell myself
each morning, just a man
laying its intersecting strands
on deck with his brother, biding time
in a boat just unmoored and drifting
to the heart of the Sea of Galilee.
Brooding and staring
at the rising sun together, we 
a synchronism, stand -
gazing at our aging selves tossed aside
by tides of time, regret
imagining our lost youth on the next wave,
and before we can reach out
to grasp and retain memory 
(the good ones…absent the bitter salt)
this irredeemable part of our lives
flits away in the wind. 
With my net as artifice,
I poeticize fish as episodes of the heart
to be caught and resurrected,
eulogies on the mast while
floating on a womb of delusion,
a cursing of life and beckoning of rebirth,
so Andrew and I hail a large haul as
palliative, an anesthetic to a life lost.
(Our meals, massive bonfires dedicated to
ghosts of the past, communal
dinner prayers on land to Leviathan.)

When our boat pulls ashore,
a silhouette approaches, a man’s face
as calm as the night subsequent a hellacious war
with the moon and silence for eyes. His words like
Daniel’s apocalypse thundering:
“There is no turning back” he says, arms extended,
“forsake the fish, and
you just might see the Hand of God.”

-----------------Matthew 4:18-20
Now as Jesus was walking by the Sea of Galilee, He saw two brothers, Simon who was called Peter, and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea; for they were fishermen. And He said to them, "Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men." Immediately they left their nets and followed Him.

------------Paris in Flames Lyrics
Now it's time to wrap our fears in the night
 And on the first day I'll dress this city in flames
 After all the things you say
 You hate me for being this way

Still you won't let go of old ideals
 There is no headline to read at night
 When the record skips and you're not holding the needle

We all sing the songs of separation
 And we watch our lives bleed out through our hands
 That's how it was on the first day
 When we saw Paris in Flames

Rain, rain down
 I think it's going to rain, rain down [x2]
 I think it's going to rain
 I think it's going to rain, rain down [x3]
 I think it's going to rain

Here in this collapsed lung of a borough
 There is no sunlight
 The sunlight is manufactured in a windowless room
 Distant and incoherent
 Businessmen hang themselves

We all sing the songs of separation
 And we watch our lives bleed out through our hands
 That's how it was on the first day
 When we saw Paris in Flames

The lower east side is a jukebox playing the deadman's crescendo
 The needle is a vector
 An intersection that we all must cross
 A dimly lit hallway where shadows of moths decorate the walls

Discard this message
 Discard this message
 Discard this message
 (Burn this city down, down...)
 Discard this message
 Throw this bottle back in the ocean
 Rip this page from the history books
 Smash all the street signs
 Erase all the maps
 Forget my name
 Forget my face
 Forget my name
 Because it's going to rain (it's going to rain)
 And it never ends

Rain, rain down
 I think it's going to rain, rain down [x2]
 I think it's going to rain
 I think it's going to rain, rain down [x3]
 I think it's going to rain

 (We all sing the songs of separation
 And we watch our lives bleed out through our hands
 That's how it was on the first day
 We saw Paris in Flames)

---------------Hands Lyrics

Oh, mother
 I was born in your eyes
 I was walking
 The day I came to life

And I've come beside myself to know
 I'm just a person with highs and lows

 Oh, father
 I was raised in your hands
 I was fighting
 Before I could understand
 And I've got a lot of things to learn
 And things I don't think that I deserve

Come lay your head
 And come rest your tired eyes
 Fall back instead
 Feel your breath internalize

 And come lay your head
 And come rest your tired eyes
 And fall back instead
 Fall back instead
 When I try to fall asleep
 I'm lifted from my bed sheets
 Where the ground is falling down
 And the night is far too loud

 I'm giving up
 I'm giving in

 Everything is rising
 Come and rest your tired eyes
 Your youth's fading
 Everyone is leaving
 And I cannot complain

Take Me To Rome

*Saint Paul pray for me


+--------------------------------------/Acts Chronicles Chapter 23; Rome - Saint Paul's Thoughts Hunted and in Prison

The echoes of my nephew’s 
haunting warning stand opposite me
in my cell like sentinels on guard in winter,
lamps flickering in the chilled winds gusting,
the tips of their spears compassed
about every side of my neck
circumscribing my every thought.
In near pitch black I flit in and out of
full consciousness and dreaming,
seizing my chest in fear
misperceiving sweat for blood,
and in the other state blood for sweat
running and falling in recurring
fashion chased by iron chariots on the Appian Way,
(of the Romans, the Jews march behind)
felled by arrows, presentiments
of the damned, or the imminently
damned afraid of Hell because of all the wrong
he’s done, the innocents he's killed,
awaiting judgment and
deluding himself that he is still alive.
In the morning, no less than 40 men want
me hanging from a tree, my body an eclipse
obscuring the blazing sun of their spitefulness
and bitter acrimony, commending me 
to mobs thirsting for heresy seeking a martyr-
parading my severed head throughout
Jerusalem at the Passover, a black smoke
sacrifice
for the High Priest Ananias . 

When I finally awake screaming, and the centurion’s
candle gets closer as he scurries to check
on me, the only words
I can muster are “take me to Rome,”
I need salvation. 



---------------------Acts 23:11-16
And the night following the Lord stood by him, and said, Be of good cheer, Paul: for as thou hast testified of me in Jerusalem, so must thou bear witness also at Rome. And when it was day, certain of the Jews banded together, and bound themselves under a curse, saying that they would neither eat nor drink till they had killed Paul. And they were more than forty which had made this conspiracy. And they came to the chief priests and elders, and said, We have bound ourselves under a great curse, that we will eat nothing until we have slain Paul. Now therefore ye with the council signify to the chief captain that he bring him down unto you to morrow, as though ye would enquire something more perfectly concerning him: and we, or ever he come near, are ready to kill him. And when Paul's sister's son heard of their lying in wait, he went and entered into the castle, and told Paul

A Jewish Story

* Dedicated to Saint John. Pray for me.

+-------------------------/A Jewish Story; Saint John's Thoughts As He Finished His Gospel 

And this is our Aeneid, right? A
captive, vagrant people scattered,
scars on our flesh and within,
(true nomads of the heart)
seeking redemption in a New City,  
our hero sailing destiny’s
ship
on waters of our very emotive
expectancy, docking on foreign shores
for our salvation,
to establish an empire for eternity.
Leaving Heaven
must have been to him like
watching Dido burning.
Or is this Orpheus and Eurydice?
Our lover come to save us,
snake bitten and pitiable, scouring Hades
with a candle and canticles of love on
lips for his betrothed, willing
to be gashed and lacerated, 
soldiers of Pontius Pilate with nails
cruel menacing Maenades of old,
to submit his dedication for us
in eternal lore?
Or is it more than that? A bearded Galilean,
a despicable Nazarene as a
chrysalis standing before us,
like a dragon borne from Egyptian,
Babylonian and Persian oppression
walking on water, raising the dead,
feeding thousands with five barley loaves,
by
breathing fire on a boy’s two fish.
This is the story
of the God of the Jews come
down to earth casting out devils wherever
he walks- a tale of
divinity that eats and sleeps and
bleeds among us,
giving his last breath to make all of mankind
whole. Though analogous to some, I believe
this one differs…
for this is the only story
that doesn't have an ending.



----------------------John 21:24-25
This is the disciple which testifieth of these things, and wrote these things: and we know that his testimony is true. And there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which, if they should be written every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written. Amen

Elegy to Jacob

* dedicated to RB
* dedicated to Michael Jackson, Remember the Time
www.youtube.com/watch?v=LeiFF0gvqcc

Oh RB, why doesn't thou just love me? A hee-heeee!!! OOOWWW!!!! J-mon!!! J-mon!!!!
Listen guys, so what I want a 19 year old girl? I don't care what yall say man, she baaaad!!! Oh RB!!! (oh yeah and I aint talking BOUT NO RUNNING BACK!!!!) Listen girl, don't make me Joseph, don't make me bury Jacob!!!! Fall in love with me, please? Please? Pleaaaasssee? Do you Remember the Time when we met at Christlife in Ellicott City Maryland????

+--------------------/Elegy to Jacob

It doesn’t matter to me that Ive
been in Egypt for almost 15 years, by now
Im used to the scorching winds of heartbreak,
the sea of endless
and monotonous sands of loneliness, far
removed from Canaan, thrown
into a pit of the damned by girls who repudiated
my advances, 11 shameless kin enraged by
by my passion for love, because I wore
my heart on my sleeve like
a variegated coat.  I bore the shame they meted
out to me, sold to and treated roughly by coarse
and ungainly Ishmaelites of public opinion,
a caravan of vicious gossip,
scoffing and spitting at a man who couldn’t get
a date in his twenties.
I endured patronizing condescension by Potiphar,
tempted by his wife, buxom and sultry,
 to renounce love
for promiscuous sex but I didn’t yield, imprisoned
by secular society for my impudence,
shackled in dank dungeons of darkness despairing,
staring at a black trajectory of
perpetual singleness, and trying not
to succumb to it all.  Yet, all the while
my soul cleaved to you like a sweet dream-
when I met you, at Christlife in Ellicott City
Maryland, the sun and moon and 11 stars
bowed before me.
Your face, your hazel eyes
full of inspiration are
like the father who begot me, belying your 19 years,
symbolic candle that kept me
warm in winter chained next to inmates,
the wax and wick that keeps one from being
forgotten.
And I thought I was good, your beauty
emancipated me from prison and redeemed me
from everyone’s expectations, and my
confidence soared like a man revered
in all the land,
riding in the second chariot behind Pharaoh.
But over time I realize our 14 year age gap
seems too much for you to bear isn’t it?
I wanted this to work out between us
so badly that in my prayers I fall on your face
weeping and kissing, running
my fingers through your hair implacably,
as though you were dead, as though my
existential angst will bring you back
to me breathing.
 
You imparted hope to me RB,
when all mine ran out two years ago;
for that I love you always.
 Whenever I see your pictures now I think
of Canaan,
when I was 19 just like you and gird with
exuberance (and a coat). I will spend the
next 40 days  embalming your memory,
etching a scar in my spirit for Jacob,
the funeral procession of a 33 year old man
headed to a cave in Machpelah
after seven days of protracted mourning
with all of Egypt in tow.
My 11 brothers flanking me,
collectively trembling at the thought of my
next move….


-------------------Genesis 49:33-50:14
And when Jacob had made an end of commanding his sons, he gathered up his feet into the bed, and yielded up the ghost, and was gathered unto his people. And Joseph fell upon his father's face, and wept upon him, and kissed him. And Joseph commanded his servants the physicians to embalm his father: and the physicians embalmed Israel. And forty days were fulfilled for him; for so are fulfilled the days of those which are embalmed: and the Egyptians mourned for him threescore and ten days. And when the days of his mourning were past, Joseph spake unto the house of Pharaoh, saying, If now I have found grace in your eyes, speak, I pray you, in the ears of Pharaoh, saying, My father made me swear, saying, Lo, I die: in my grave which I have digged for me in the land of Canaan, there shalt thou bury me. Now therefore let me go up, I pray thee, and bury my father, and I will come again. And Pharaoh said, Go up, and bury thy father, according as he made thee swear. And Joseph went up to bury his father: and with him went up all the servants of Pharaoh, the elders of his house, and all the elders of the land of Egypt, And all the house of Joseph, and his brethren, and his father's house: only their little ones, and their flocks, and their herds, they left in the land of Goshen. And there went up with him both chariots and horsemen: and it was a very great company. And they came to the threshingfloor of Atad, which is beyond Jordan, and there they mourned with a great and very sore lamentation: and he made a mourning for his father seven days. And when the inhabitants of the land, the Canaanites, saw the mourning in the floor of Atad, they said, This is a grievous mourning to the Egyptians: wherefore the name of it was called Abelmizraim, which is beyond Jordan. And his sons did unto him according as he commanded them: For his sons carried him into the land of Canaan, and buried him in the cave of the field of Machpelah, which Abraham bought with the field for a possession of a buryingplace of Ephron the Hittite, before Mamre. And Joseph returned into Egypt, he, and his brethren, and all that went up with him to bury his father, after he had buried his father.

----Remember the Time Lyrics

Do You Remember
When We Fell In Love
We Were Young
And Innocent Then
Do You Remember
How It All Began
It Just Seemed Like Heaven
So Why Did It End?

Do You Remember
Back In The Fall
We'd Be Together
All Day Long
Do You Remember
Us Holding Hands
In Each Other's Eyes
We'd Stare
(Tell Me)

Do You Remember The Time
When We Fell In Love
Do You Remember The Time
When We First Met
Do You Remember The Time
When We Fell In Love
Do You Remember The Time

Do You Remember
How We Used To Talk
(Ya Know)
We'd Stay On The Phone
At Night Till Dawn
Do You Remember
All The Things We Said Like
I Love You So
I'll Never Let You Go

Do You Remember
Back In The Spring
Every Morning Birds Would Sing
Do You Remember
Those Special Times
They'll Just Go On And On
In The Back Of My Mind

Do You Remember The Time
When We Fell In Love
Do You Remember The Time
When We First Met Girl
Do You Remember The Time
When We Fell In Love
Do You Remember The Time
Those Sweet Memories
Will Always Be Dear To Me
And Girl No Matter What Was Said
I Will Never Forget What We Had
Now Baby

Do You Remember The Time
When We Fell In Love
Do You Remember The Time
When We First Met
Do You Remember The Time
When We Fell In Love
Do You Remember The Time

Do You Remember The Time
When We Fell In Love
Do You Remember The Time
When We First Met
Do You Remember The Time
When We Fell In Love
Do You Remember The Time

Remember The Times
Ooh
Remember The Times
Do You Remember Girl
Remember The Times
On The Phone You And Me
Remember The Times
Till Dawn, Two Or Three
What About Us Girl

Remember The Times
Do You. Do You, Do You,
Do You, Do You
Remember The Times
In The Park, On The Beach
Remember The Times
You And Me In Spain
Remember The Times
What About, What About...

Remember The Times
Ooh... In The Park
Remember The Times
After Dark..., Do You, Do You, Do You
Remember The Times
Do You, Do You, Do You, Do You
Remember The Times
Yeah Yeah
Remember The Times

Esau For You (Oh Taylor Swift!!!!!) #TaylorDateTony

 

* Dedicated to Aerolyn, Harbinger
http://youtu.be/DqZN82gYS0A
* Dedicated to Taylor Swift #TaylorDateTony
* Dedicated to all unborn babies in the world right now
* Mary Mother of God pray for me

+-------------------------------/Esau For You

Taylor why cant we just do coffee?
My heart is pregnant with angst, like
the prospects of invigorating
romance and perpetual loneliness are fighting
within me, brothers of the fate
of my love life clasping heels, clenching
teeth like two nations poised to war
amongst themselves at birth. (Predestined
enemies converging fast upon fallopian tubes
in the womb).  
I would do anything just to see the steam
rising in front of your face, my forlorn
soul famished for the aroma of dark
roasted beans from Canaan poured
at Starbucks,
the pottage and lentils of your company,
blonde hair and blue eyes a promise of a
better tomorrow to me
after years and years of hunting
for girls to requite my affections but returning
home empty handed.   
It has been so long since Ive dated, by now
the fetuses of expectation fully grown:
the lover in me, the firstborn twin, hairy
and cunning in the fields of cynical ex-girlfriends,
the pessimistic socially depraved un-dateable
vagabond in me just a plain man
lying in tents of inertia on weekends
stirring insipid stew of memory. 
Oh baby, just
to sit at table and hear your
melodic voice meander through the minutiae
of your day would mean everything to me….
Even if you were to walk away 
never ever to speak to me again, and
I consigned to die loveless and unmarried
serving the lesser kin,
I would exchange the birthright of happily
ever after for just a few seconds
of Venti café mocha on your breath.


(Im sweating, gasping for air and panting, my palpitating heart echoing through the tent of desperation.)


------Genesis 25:19-34; 27:1-42
And these are the generations of Isaac, Abraham's son: Abraham begat Isaac: And Isaac was forty years old when he took Rebekah to wife, the daughter of Bethuel the Syrian of Padanaram, the sister to Laban the Syrian. And Isaac intreated the Lord for his wife, because she was barren: and the Lord was intreated of him, and Rebekah his wife conceived. And the children struggled together within her; and she said, If it be so, why am I thus? And she went to enquire of the Lord. And the Lord said unto her, Two nations are in thy womb, and two manner of people shall be separated from thy bowels; and the one people shall be stronger than the other people; and the elder shall serve the younger. And when her days to be delivered were fulfilled, behold, there were twins in her womb. And the first came out red, all over like an hairy garment; and they called his name Esau. And after that came his brother out, and his hand took hold on Esau's heel; and his name was called Jacob: and Isaac was threescore years old when she bare them. And the boys grew: and Esau was a cunning hunter, a man of the field; and Jacob was a plain man, dwelling in tents. And Isaac loved Esau, because he did eat of his venison: but Rebekah loved Jacob. And Jacob sod pottage: and Esau came from the field, and he was faint: And Esau said to Jacob, Feed me, I pray thee, with that same red pottage; for I am faint: therefore was his name called Edom. And Jacob said, Sell me this day thy birthright. And Esau said, Behold, I am at the point to die: and what profit shall this birthright do to me? And Jacob said, Swear to me this day; and he sware unto him: and he sold his birthright unto Jacob. Then Jacob gave Esau bread and pottage of lentiles; and he did eat and drink, and rose up, and went his way: thus Esau despised his birthright. And it came to pass, that when Isaac was old, and his eyes were dim, so that he could not see, he called Esau his eldest son, and said unto him, My son: and he said unto him, Behold, here am I. And he said, Behold now, I am old, I know not the day of my death: Now therefore take, I pray thee, thy weapons, thy quiver and thy bow, and go out to the field, and take me some venison; And make me savoury meat, such as I love, and bring it to me, that I may eat; that my soul may bless thee before I die. And Rebekah heard when Isaac spake to Esau his son. And Esau went to the field to hunt for venison, and to bring it. And Rebekah spake unto Jacob her son, saying, Behold, I heard thy father speak unto Esau thy brother, saying, Bring me venison, and make me savoury meat, that I may eat, and bless thee before the Lord before my death. Now therefore, my son, obey my voice according to that which I command thee. Go now to the flock, and fetch me from thence two good kids of the goats; and I will make them savoury meat for thy father, such as he loveth: And thou shalt bring it to thy father, that he may eat, and that he may bless thee before his death. And Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, Behold, Esau my brother is a hairy man, and I am a smooth man: My father peradventure will feel me, and I shall seem to him as a deceiver; and I shall bring a curse upon me, and not a blessing. And his mother said unto him, Upon me be thy curse, my son: only obey my voice, and go fetch me them. And he went, and fetched, and brought them to his mother: and his mother made savoury meat, such as his father loved. And Rebekah took goodly raiment of her eldest son Esau, which were with her in the house, and put them upon Jacob her younger son: And she put the skins of the kids of the goats upon his hands, and upon the smooth of his neck: And she gave the savoury meat and the bread, which she had prepared, into the hand of her son Jacob. And he came unto his father, and said, My father: and he said, Here am I; who art thou, my son? And Jacob said unto his father, I am Esau thy first born; I have done according as thou badest me: arise, I pray thee, sit and eat of my venison, that thy soul may bless me. And Isaac said unto his son, How is it that thou hast found it so quickly, my son? And he said, Because the Lord thy God brought it to me. And Isaac said unto Jacob, Come near, I pray thee, that I may feel thee, my son, whether thou be my very son Esau or not. And Jacob went near unto Isaac his father; and he felt him, and said, The voice is Jacob's voice, but the hands are the hands of Esau. And he discerned him not, because his hands were hairy, as his brother Esau's hands: so he blessed him. And he said, Art thou my very son Esau? And he said, I am. And he said, Bring it near to me, and I will eat of my son's venison, that my soul may bless thee. And he brought it near to him, and he did eat: and he brought him wine and he drank. And his father Isaac said unto him, Come near now, and kiss me, my son. And he came near, and kissed him: and he smelled the smell of his raiment, and blessed him, and said, See, the smell of my son is as the smell of a field which the Lord hath blessed: Therefore God give thee of the dew of heaven, and the fatness of the earth, and plenty of corn and wine: Let people serve thee, and nations bow down to thee: be lord over thy brethren, and let thy mother's sons bow down to thee: cursed be every one that curseth thee, and blessed be he that blesseth thee. And it came to pass, as soon as Isaac had made an end of blessing Jacob, and Jacob was yet scarce gone out from the presence of Isaac his father, that Esau his brother came in from his hunting. And he also had made savoury meat, and brought it unto his father, and said unto his father, Let my father arise, and eat of his son's venison, that thy soul may bless me. And Isaac his father said unto him, Who art thou? And he said, I am thy son, thy firstborn Esau. And Isaac trembled very exceedingly, and said, Who? where is he that hath taken venison, and brought it me, and I have eaten of all before thou camest, and have blessed him? yea, and he shall be blessed. And when Esau heard the words of his father, he cried with a great and exceeding bitter cry, and said unto his father, Bless me, even me also, O my father. And he said, Thy brother came with subtilty, and hath taken away thy blessing. And he said, Is not he rightly named Jacob? for he hath supplanted me these two times: he took away my birthright; and, behold, now he hath taken away my blessing. And he said, Hast thou not reserved a blessing for me? And Isaac answered and said unto Esau, Behold, I have made him thy lord, and all his brethren have I given to him for servants; and with corn and wine have I sustained him: and what shall I do now unto thee, my son? And Esau said unto his father, Hast thou but one blessing, my father? bless me, even me also, O my father. And Esau lifted up his voice, and wept. And Isaac his father answered and said unto him, Behold, thy dwelling shall be the fatness of the earth, and of the dew of heaven from above; And by thy sword shalt thou live, and shalt serve thy brother; and it shall come to pass when thou shalt have the dominion, that thou shalt break his yoke from off thy neck. And Esau hated Jacob because of the blessing wherewith his father blessed him: and Esau said in his heart, The days of mourning for my father are at hand; then will I slay my brother Jacob. And these words of Esau her elder son were told to Rebekah: and she sent and called Jacob her younger son, and said unto him, Behold, thy brother Esau, as touching thee, doth comfort himself, purposing to kill thee.

-----Harbinger Lyrics

At higher ground is where you'll find
 The cure for the emptiness in your eyes
 Letting go will get you high
 You'll finally feel alive
 If you can read between their lies
 Beneath that thin line
 Is where they try to hide
 Everything you know you need
 I won't let you fall short
 I can see right through their walls
 It's too late
 But I can't help them anyway
 I can feel your heart it's beating in my hands
 I layed across your chest
 I only did what I thought was best
 And I can feel your heart
 It's beating in my hands
 I'll leave you the best I can
 Just let em be
 Just let em be
 Is what they all say
 But if I did
 What happens then
 Do I just walk away
 Won't let em be
 Can't let em be
 It's not who I am
 Just hear me out
 I promise that
 It's for your own sake
 Forgive, forget what you have done
 It's all or none
 Become the man you want be
 Not the man they want to see
 I can feel your heart it's beating in my hands
 I layed across your chest
 I only did what I thought was best
 And I can feel your heart
 It's beating in my hands
 I'll leave you the best I can
 The nights seem so long
 What do you love
 We built this from the ground up
 And we won't watch it fall
 We built this from the ground up, time to reap what's sewn
 I can feel your heart it's beating in my hands
 I layed across your chest
 I only did what I thought was best
 I don't need you to take this further
 You tried to leave when I pulled you closer
 Wake up and see that I left you the best I can
 The night seems so long
 What do you love
 You made me see what you'd become and then you left
 (I thought what I did was best)
 Say no more, wake up and see

My Face Is Set Like A Flint For Kendall Jenner!!!

* dedicated to Alesana, All Night Dance Parties In The Underground Palace
http://youtu.be/hTTKgBGYXxo

+------------------------/Jerusalem; My Face Is Set Like A Flint For Kendall Jenner!!!

Kendall, my heart is a Roving bearded Savior, 
kin to a vanquished people,
seeking love in a land resettled
by Roman tyrants of loneliness, barbarians
of female rejection appeased only
by fustuarium, the mass bludgeoning of my
self confidence for daring to speak of
my certain and destined liberation from Caesar. 
(My conscience like languishing lepers lobbying
to be made whole.)
And you are my celestial holy land, your olive skin
and dark enchanting eyes like words on lips
of celebrated prophets who foretold of your beauty
as a dazzling Heavenly City:
how for thousands of years its glory was crafted
[on Keeping Up With The Kardashians]
with divine precision
to heal Jeremiah's dark forecast of my heartbreak;
On it, on us, I set my face like flint -
Oh to kiss your lips, oh to shed this layer 
of sinful flesh to atone for all my prior wrongs...
and for all the stupid girls as Pharisees,
inhospitable Samaritan villagers
who obstructed my paths to happiness,
a selfless propitiatory sacrifice for
redemption of romance. At the end of it all,
fresh scars in my side and on my hands and feet,
when I put my hands against
your cheeks and gaze into your soul, we shall
belong to each other,
the thick veil between God
and the Jews rent asunder.
Please give me a chance Kendall,
I would do anything to die to this crass world
of singlehood, willingly throwing myself
to the Pontius Pilate of public criticism. Even
if holding you in my arms means the
crucifixion of my body by crowds
of jealousy
casting lots for my coat without seam,
a crown of thorns
and lacerated skin to the bone
traced with flowing blood of a past life
falling down
on all girls who have forsaken me
just before I look up to the sky
and commend my spirit to you forever.



------------------Luke 9:51-56
And it came to pass, when the time was come that he should be received up, he stedfastly set his face to go to Jerusalem, And sent messengers before his face: and they went, and entered into a village of the Samaritans, to make ready for him. And they did not receive him, because his face was as though he would go to Jerusalem. And when his disciples James and John saw this, they said, Lord, wilt thou that we command fire to come down from heaven, and consume them, even as Elias did? But he turned, and rebuked them, and said, Ye know not what manner of spirit ye are of. For the Son of man is not come to destroy men's lives, but to save them. And they went to another village.

-------All Night Dance Parties In The Underground Palace Lyrics

Beautiful, you know you leave me breathless when you fall into my eyes
My heart belongs to you my angel
There is just no reason for you to let life bring you down
Please come with me and let me show you

I know that at times it may be hard to let go of yourself
Babygirl, tonight leave your cares behind because it's time to celebrate!
All night long I'll sing and dance with you, my sweet princess, only if you trust in this
Take my hand and follow me, I will sweep you off of your feet
All night long I will sing and dance with you

Every time I look at you I can't believe how magical you are
The stars belong to you my angel
Run away with me into a world where time seems to not exist
The smile on my face will show you

I know that at times it may be hard to let go of yourself
Babygirl, tonight leave your cares behind because it's time to celebrate!
All night long I will sing and dance with you, my sweet princess, only if you trust in this
Take my hand and follow me, I will sweep you off of your feet
This night will only end when we stop dancing

My sweet princess I will sing and dance with you all night long
The stars, they belong to you my angel

All night long I'll sing and dance with you. my sweet princess, only if you trust in this
Take my hand and follow me, I will sweep you off your feet
This night will only end when we stop...

Your Marriage My Damnation

* Dedicated to Car***n

+-----------------------/Your Marriage My Damnation (Seven Seals)

I remember it. When I first met you
you smiled as if breathing into dirt,
my eyelids opened for the first
time, my hands coagulating into flesh 
and with my ears fully formed
I heard your voice as God,
and….everything was good.
I felt my heart beat for the first time.
I wished then,
 for inertia, to stay in the
Eden of your kindness and charm.
To fantasize about your breasts forever,
your flowing brunette hair cascading
from your shoulders like utopian waterfalls,
with no inclination about the outside
world of cynical girls and dating pangs,
of good  versus evil,
of me killing my former self years later
out of jealousy for letting you go,
Cain against Abel, scarred for life
as I was excoriated by my conscience,
exiled East – glaring at me:
stoic angels with flaming swords,
sharpened with your rejection.
(I allowed myself to be seduced by
serpentine slithering of social convention-
interracial bureaucracy, would it work?
…I ate the fruit forbidden to all men,
pessimism.) 
And many ages later life is hell isn’t it?
Your smile now deformed and disfigured,
a surly snarl spelling
the end of my world as I know it,
the married gaps in your teeth like
seven seals of the apocalypse,
the most pernicious judgment on my happiness.
I picture you making love to him-
your beautiful stare turned crazed, disgusting manic laugh
that once inspired me
like four horses of destruction,
a white one to conquer my dreams of kissing you,
 a red to steal the peace from my soul
that I would claim as my own with you in my arms,
(you as MY wife)
a black horse to tilt the balances
of my confidence towards despair, and a pale
horse of acute finality…the recognition
you will never be mine.
His face like tortured victims of my lingering
affections for you and what we once had
crying “How long O Lord, holy and true
dost thou not judge and
avenge our blood”…on those that lust after my wife?
The smirk on his face like white robes of distinction
from the filthy rags of my dejection with
you acting for him as Savior-cum-savage-judiciary,
my life flashing before me
as a perpetual recurrence of our love slipping through
my fingers.
And from hereafter, seeing you face to face
will stir inside of me earthquakes of anger, the sun of my joy
as black as a sackcloth of hair,
and my moon of hope as blood. Not having you is
like stars starkly falling to earth,
and people trying to hide under rocks,
wailing,
are all the memories of our friendship I have.
And now….
and now there is nothing but silence in heaven.
Nothing but silence in heaven
for the damned.




--------------Revelation 6; 8:1-2
And I saw when the Lamb opened one of the seals, and I heard, as it were the noise of thunder, one of the four beasts saying, Come and see. And I saw, and behold a white horse: and he that sat on him had a bow; and a crown was given unto him: and he went forth conquering, and to conquer. And when he had opened the second seal, I heard the second beast say, Come and see. And there went out another horse that was red: and power was given to him that sat thereon to take peace from the earth, and that they should kill one another: and there was given unto him a great sword. And when he had opened the third seal, I heard the third beast say, Come and see. And I beheld, and lo a black horse; and he that sat on him had a pair of balances in his hand. And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts say, A measure of wheat for a penny, and three measures of barley for a penny; and see thou hurt not the oil and the wine. And when he had opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth beast say, Come and see. And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth. And when he had opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of them that were slain for the word of God, and for the testimony which they held: And they cried with a loud voice, saying, How long, O Lord, holy and true, dost thou not judge and avenge our blood on them that dwell on the earth? And white robes were given unto every one of them; and it was said unto them, that they should rest yet for a little season, until their fellowservants also and their brethren, that should be killed as they were, should be fulfilled. And I beheld when he had opened the sixth seal, and, lo, there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth of hair, and the moon became as blood; And the stars of heaven fell unto the earth, even as a fig tree casteth her untimely figs, when she is shaken of a mighty wind. And the heaven departed as a scroll when it is rolled together; and every mountain and island were moved out of their places. And the kings of the earth, and the great men, and the rich men, and the chief captains, and the mighty men, and every bondman, and every free man, hid themselves in the dens and in the rocks of the mountains; And said to the mountains and rocks, Fall on us, and hide us from the face of him that sitteth on the throne, and from the wrath of the Lamb: For the great day of his wrath is come; and who shall be able to stand? And when he had opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven about the space of half an hour. And I saw the seven angels which stood before God; and to them were given seven trumpets.