+-----------------------/Your Marriage My Damnation (Seven Seals)
I remember it. When I first met you
you smiled as if breathing into dirt,
my eyelids opened for the first
time, my hands coagulating into flesh
and with my ears fully formed
I heard your voice as God,
and….everything was good.
I felt my heart beat for the first time.
I wished then,
for inertia, to stay in the
Eden of your kindness and charm.
To fantasize about your breasts forever,
your flowing brunette hair cascading
from your shoulders like utopian waterfalls,
with no inclination about the outside
world of cynical girls and dating pangs,
of good versus evil,
of me killing my former self years later
out of jealousy for letting you go,
Cain against Abel, scarred for life
as I was excoriated by my conscience,
exiled East – glaring at me:
stoic angels with flaming swords,
sharpened with your rejection.
(I allowed myself to be seduced by
serpentine slithering of social convention-
interracial bureaucracy, would it work?
…I ate the fruit forbidden to all men,
pessimism.)
And many ages later life is hell isn’t it?
Your smile now deformed and disfigured,
a surly snarl spelling
the end of my world as I know it,
the married gaps in your teeth like
seven seals of the apocalypse,
the most pernicious judgment on my happiness.
I picture you making love to him-
your beautiful stare turned crazed, disgusting manic laugh
that once inspired me
like four horses of destruction,
a white one to conquer my dreams of kissing you,
a red to steal the peace from my soul
that I would claim as my own with you in my arms,
(you as MY wife)
a black horse to tilt the balances
of my confidence towards despair, and a pale
horse of acute finality…the recognition
you will never be mine.
His face like tortured victims of my lingering
affections for you and what we once had
crying “How long O Lord, holy and true
dost thou not judge and
avenge our blood”…on those that lust after my wife?
The smirk on his face like white robes of distinction
from the filthy rags of my dejection with
you acting for him as Savior-cum-savage-judiciary,
my life flashing before me
as a perpetual recurrence of our love slipping through
my fingers.
And from hereafter, seeing you face to face
will stir inside of me earthquakes of anger, the sun of my joy
as black as a sackcloth of hair,
and my moon of hope as blood. Not having you is
like stars starkly falling to earth,
and people trying to hide under rocks,
wailing,
are all the memories of our friendship I have.
And now….
and now there is nothing but silence in heaven.
Nothing but silence in heaven
for the damned.
--------------Revelation 6; 8:1-2
And I saw when the Lamb opened one of the seals, and I heard, as it were the noise of thunder, one of the four beasts saying, Come and see. And I saw, and behold a white horse: and he that sat on him had a bow; and a crown was given unto him: and he went forth conquering, and to conquer. And when he had opened the second seal, I heard the second beast say, Come and see. And there went out another horse that was red: and power was given to him that sat thereon to take peace from the earth, and that they should kill one another: and there was given unto him a great sword. And when he had opened the third seal, I heard the third beast say, Come and see. And I beheld, and lo a black horse; and he that sat on him had a pair of balances in his hand. And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts say, A measure of wheat for a penny, and three measures of barley for a penny; and see thou hurt not the oil and the wine. And when he had opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth beast say, Come and see. And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth. And when he had opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of them that were slain for the word of God, and for the testimony which they held: And they cried with a loud voice, saying, How long, O Lord, holy and true, dost thou not judge and avenge our blood on them that dwell on the earth? And white robes were given unto every one of them; and it was said unto them, that they should rest yet for a little season, until their fellowservants also and their brethren, that should be killed as they were, should be fulfilled. And I beheld when he had opened the sixth seal, and, lo, there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth of hair, and the moon became as blood; And the stars of heaven fell unto the earth, even as a fig tree casteth her untimely figs, when she is shaken of a mighty wind. And the heaven departed as a scroll when it is rolled together; and every mountain and island were moved out of their places. And the kings of the earth, and the great men, and the rich men, and the chief captains, and the mighty men, and every bondman, and every free man, hid themselves in the dens and in the rocks of the mountains; And said to the mountains and rocks, Fall on us, and hide us from the face of him that sitteth on the throne, and from the wrath of the Lamb: For the great day of his wrath is come; and who shall be able to stand? And when he had opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven about the space of half an hour. And I saw the seven angels which stood before God; and to them were given seven trumpets.
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