Save the Last Dance

* Dedicated to Linkin Park: "Leave Out All The Rest"

-----------Bewailing My Virginity (The Thoughts of Jephthah's Daughter)


Its dark and Im so lonely
I am a candle flickering
Beneath heavy breathing,
tears and sobs
on the wall of my bedroom I see
silhouettes of a man and woman, a groom and bride
holding each other in a loving embrace
and my blurry eyes are transfixed on
their undulatory dance...until I grow weary
and they morph into black phantoms rushing towards me
like the angel of death
and I miss life and I miss love
I never had
I wish I could have kissed a man before I died
I wish I could have given a man my love
holding my son underneath the autumn sun
arms and legs waving gleefully
but now the air is cold, my covers provide
little warmth as I lay beneath them
my dreams drift back and forth
between girlhood and womanhood, and all that
lies between
today me and my girlfriends climb mountains
for tomorrow is unforseen
the cruel wind extinguishes the flames
and I pray one last prayer as I feel the smoke rising
above my head


------------------------------
Judges 11:29-40
Then the Spirit of the LORD came upon Jephthah, and he passed over Gilead, and Manasseh, and passed over Mizpeh of Gilead, and from Mizpeh of Gilead he passed over unto the children of Ammon. And Jephthah vowed a vow unto the LORD, and said, If thou shalt without fail deliver the children of Ammon into mine hands, Then it shall be, that whatsoever cometh forth of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the children of Ammon, shall surely be the LORD's, and I will offer it up for a burnt offering. So Jephthah passed over unto the children of Ammon to fight against them; and the LORD delivered them into his hands. And he smote them from Aroer, even till thou come to Minnith, even twenty cities, and unto the plain of the vineyards, with a very great slaughter. Thus the children of Ammon were subdued before the children of Israel. And Jephthah came to Mizpeh unto his house, and, behold, his daughter came out to meet him with timbrels and with dances: and she was his only child; beside her he had neither son nor daughter. And it came to pass, when he saw her, that he rent his clothes, and said, Alas, my daughter! thou hast brought me very low, and thou art one of them that trouble me: for I have opened my mouth unto the LORD, and I cannot go back. And she said unto him, My father, if thou hast opened thy mouth unto the LORD, do to me according to that which hath proceeded out of thy mouth; forasmuch as the LORD hath taken vengeance for thee of thine enemies, even of the children of Ammon. And she said unto her father, Let this thing be done for me: let me alone two months, that I may go up and down upon the mountains, and bewail my virginity, I and my fellows. And he said, Go. And he sent her away for two months: and she went with her companions, and bewailed her virginity upon the mountains. And it came to pass at the end of two months, that she returned unto her father, who did with her according to his vow which he had vowed: and she knew no man. And it was a custom in Israel, That the daughters of Israel went yearly to lament the daughter of Jephthah the Gileadite four days in a year.

----------Leave Out All The Rest (Lyrics)

dreamed I was missing, you were so scared
But no one would listen, 'cause no one else cared
After my dreaming, I woke with this fear
What am I leaving when I'm done here?

So if you're asking me, I want you to know

When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest

Leave out all the rest, don't be afraid
I've taken my beating, I've shared what I made
I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through
I've never been perfect, but neither have you

So if you're asking me, I want you to know

When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

I can't be who you are

Praying for Melchizedek

+

------------------Thoughts on Melchizedek


My heart is fatigued
worn by blood and screams of hatred
and hoofs of horses are like deafening thunder which
is causing me a massive headache
and I feel remorse for the vacuous eyes of my victims
when I raise my sword
or draw and arrow from my quiver
greeted by the angel of death
before crossing to the other side. Vapid is this
constant strife and needless struggle
deep within we all dream dreams of peace - prosperity for all
when the final horn is blown, and the banners
are raised in victory instead of extolling my achievements
I cry
because I feel misunderstood
(and Im hungry and Im thirsty)
and hunted at the same time. When the sun sets,
usually after a brief cessation from the day's strife, I kneel down
and run my fingers across the dirt drawing
meaningless nothings
until I can stop my hands from shaking
and mount my horse, and embark on the journey
back home
longing for respite, recognition, community
and control
placing my chin on my chest
as the wind chills my bones
praying for a blessing to end it all
for an answer
I would give a tenth of all I own



--------------------------------------------------------------
Genesis 14:17-20
After his return from the defeat of Chedorlaomer and the kings who were with him, the king of Sodom went out to meet him at the Valley of Shaveh (that is, the King's Valley). And King Melchizedek of Salem brought out bread and wine; he was priest of God Most High. He blessed him and said, "Blessed be Abram by God Most High, maker of heaven and earth; and blessed be God Most High, who has delivered your enemies into your hand!" And Abram gave him one tenth of everything.

Autumn Life

* Dedicated to Underaoth "Young and Aspiring"


Autumn Life----(Thoughts from The Apostle Paul)


Summer's coming to an end...
the cloudy skies, the cool winds jostling branches on trees
and the requisite chill they bring
stir my mind to autumn days long ago, as a youth in Rome
writing on wax tablets and day dreaming
of days in authority as an adult
of days in Zion, twirling the staff of Moses parting and closing
the rivers; sitting next to David on his throne
recounting stories of the glory days gone by
(and how tall Goliath really was)
we stared at the clouds, though our teacher admonished
never to stare at the sun
but ever since, I have harbored this longing caged in flesh
to be free
to open my eyes and see the truth
to bend my ears and hear wisdom and knowledge from above
and rest securely, not intermittently roused from fear of barbarians
shooting firebrand arrows through the lattice
to be anywhere but here...where injustice is sport
lies promulgated without regret
and the wicked idolatrous endure a prosperous reign
unable to restrain their resident disobedience
fomenting deceitful malice within their hearts, and even I
want to do right, but often times I do what is wrong
I want what is unlawful but pleasurable
Enslaved by sin
so I am always unhappy, though I smile for your sake
and withstand
hoping for death, eternal life in the frigid air
with Christ I stand to gain



--------------------------------------------------]
Philippians 1:20-26
I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me.



2 Corinthians 5:6-10
Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.


Youg and Aspiring Lyrics*
Underoath Young And Aspiring Lyrics

So lets not even try you're right lets ball it up and throw it out the window
It's becoming all so clear in my mind
I've thought this through more like once or twice
I feel that this is my last request to you

Hold your breath
Bottle it up and save it for the next one
It's safe to say we've been riding this all night
None of this will ever change your mind
It's never safe to rely on borrowed time
Now we're both undone and it's time to open up your eyes

Consequence it's our need in times like this
Feeling free is our modern disease
You're a classic disaster with a knack for losing your exterior
I'm so sick
From staring at the mirror

This all nees a break from you
And I'm used to this

I fear that I am just an end
So you'll play the mistaken and I'll play the victim
In our screenplay of desire and I'm still writing
The letters I'll never send

Running in circles I can't forget how many times
I've played this in my mind

Feeling free feeling free
This is my panic this is my call to arms

Written by Underoath. © 2004 814 Stops Today (ASCAP)/Thirsty Moon River Publishing (ASCAP)

Twilight - New Moon

* dedicated to Stonesour: "Through Glass"

------------* (Jesus') Thoughts at Twilight/ The Son Rising


Blood...
Blood tastes like rains descending from a forsaken moon
silent in the face of injustice
iron bars, rusted shackles act as stoic accomplices
in the frenetic fight
for the right to live and die as a denizen of heaven
with dignity…uncontaminated by lies
by harsh and sometimes soft-spoken duplicity
your disdain shrouded by your heavy cloak of tolerance
and gold rings, and chalices full of deep spite
asleep in hatred, awoken by fear and driven by self aggrandizing
angst, jealous of objectivity and truth spoken without shifting shadows
ushered in by angels of light and choruses proclaiming
HOLY, HOLY, HOLY is the New World* supplanting your paradise
of decay and suffering
widows cradling their children from breasts filled with sour milk
due to starvation…at your hands and neglect
and feet that walk right past those in need...Jews by inheritance
abandoning your own flesh
tombstones with no names, lepers with no benefactors in the synagogues
Pharisees and Sadducees lame souls
Sanhedrin with blind eyes, deaf to compassion’s cry
so I speak
to set the prisoners free, imprisoned by your tyranny filled,
brow-beating, guilt-apportioned gaze
your lack of piety
I speak what is true, and seek to save what has been lost
Why do you strike me?
Your evil will not prevent the true Dawn from rising...





[John 18:19-23; 28]----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, the high priest questioned Jesus about his disciples and his teaching.
"I have spoken openly to the world," Jesus replied. "I always taught in synagogues or at the temple, where all the Jews come together. I said nothing in secret. Why question me? Ask those who heard me. Surely they know what I said." When Jesus said this, one of the officials nearby struck him in the face. "Is this the way you answer the high priest?" he demanded. "If I said something wrong," Jesus replied, "testify as to what is wrong. But if I spoke the truth, why did you strike me?" Then Annas sent him, still bound, to Caiaphas the high priest...Then the Jews led Jesus from Caiaphas to the palace of the Roman governor. By now it was early morning...
]----------------------------------------------------------------
Through Glass lyrics
Songwriters: Economaki, Shawn; Rand, Josh; Root, James Donald; Taylor, Corey;

I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh God it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

How do you feel? That is the question
But I forget you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes initialized
And folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect a bit of folks

So while you're outside looking in
Describing what you see
Remember what you're staring at is me

'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

How much is real? So much to question
An epidemic of the mannequins, contaminating everything
We thought came from the heart
But never did right from the start
Just listen to the noises
(Null and void instead of voices)

Before you tell yourself
It's just a different scene
Remember it's just different from what you've seen

I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
And all I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
And all I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

And it's the stars
The stars that shine for you
And it's the stars
The stars that lie to you, yeah

And it's the stars
The stars that shine for you
And it's the stars
The stars that lie to you, yeah

I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh God it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

And it's the stars
The stars that shine for you, yeah
And it's the stars
The stars that lie to you, yeah

And it's the stars
The stars that shine for you, yeah
And it's the stars
The stars that lie to you, yeah yeah

Who are the stars?
Who are the stars that lie?

Words at Night

Lord,


you dont talk to me like she does
your eyes dont cut
your tongue doesnt scathe
or tease,
or disappoint
you dont sound like them
those who deride, and those who scoff
with their mocking, and carousing
and value judgements and estimations of self worth
loathing everything I have ever done
jealous
and discontented

your words are more arousing
penetrating to the depths of the spirit inside me
emboldening, reaffirming
even soothing, even carrying my weary soul
to the mansions in your father's house
I hope it has a soft bed
and fluffy pillow to lay my head
so I can fasten my eyelids and dream of better days
and rest my sore back

because you dont deny love (ever)
because you dont turn down affection
when its cold, your word is warmth
it is a tissue consoling tears of rejection
strength from fear
lips to kiss and someone to hold
it is a quiet night, pensive watching my breath
as I exhale
because I dont need Jennifer




The words of the LORD are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times. (Psalm 12:6)

India Arie, You Are My Everything

If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing

-----------------------[India Arie, I Will Wither Without You]


My heart is like soil
and your love is like water
and the storm clouds are like my passion
and thunder is like the sound of my heart beating
over and over
over and over, for you
the wind (strong) is like my craving, baby
its sound is a screeching howl trees, rooftops, and castle walls
can barely withstand
to be with you is rain
refreshed

India, baby, youre not listening to me, girl!
I said youre not listening...
from deep within the soil the promise of my faithfulness attempts to sprout
like a vine
and it reaches towards heaven just to try to hold you
but it has no arms
I am pregnant with grapes but my womb is barren!
the vinedresser is the moments passing by (without your kiss)
with gloves of opportunity eager to prune
but I need branches
but I need leaves

The moment is now!
I command you to love me
...or else watch me wither and die
I will turn brown deprived of your presence
and endearing touch.

Be with me, enable me to grow
be my branch,
my leaves
be my grapes
(the fruit of two souls entwined so sweet)
love starved, hollow and useless I am
without your affection
pouring down into my heart
I am nothing, can do nothing
without you






John 15: 1-8
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

Zoe Kravitz, PLEASE dont make me kill my son!

Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about."

-------------------[Zoe, Im willing to make the sacrifice]

My love for you is like wood, a stone altar
and a knife
its like a distant traveler from a foreign land
crossing borders
anxious and just beginning his travails
walking, waiting and not knowing
how to interpret what he hears from God

Baby,
My trust in you is like a donkey enduring
like a long journey with the weight of conscience on its back
knees beginning to buckle
accompanied by two servants, hope and reason
only providing false security
...and water (a temporary relief)…and bread (brief satiation)
(until I have you I will always be empty inside)
treading towards the base of the unknown – Mount Moriah
steadily
obediently
in sheer silence, urged on by the nebulous sunrise

Girl, don't you see?
I have left behind all I know
my sanity, my joy, my father and my kin
to climb this mountain of pure chance
and offer the sacrifice of my one true refuge – my dignity –
like Isaac my only son…
and my love for you is so sharp that it will bind up the last shred
of dignity I own and stab it, and burn it, and cry over its ashes
rising up in black smoke shrouding the sun…

but Im hoping you don’t let it go that far, girl...


(PLEASE LOVE ME ZOE, IM TAKING A CHANCE ON YOU, DON’T MAKE ME HAVE TO KILL MY SON!!!!!!!!!!)

[just to be with you, just to know you – just to be together, just to kiss you]

------------------
Genesis 22:3-12
Early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about. On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance. He said to his servants, "Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you." Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together, Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, "Father?"
Yes, my son?" Abraham replied. "The fire and wood are here," Isaac said, "but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?" Abraham answered, "God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son." And the two of them went on together. When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. But the angel of the LORD called out to him from heaven, "Abraham! Abraham!" "Here I am," he replied. "Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son."