THE AMERICAN IDOLS OF MY HEART: Psalm 135

American Idol Season 8 Auditions in Jacksonville, Florida. In a huge auditorium-esque room are the judges Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, Randy Jackson and newly acquired Kara DioGuardi. The judges are seated behind a long wood table with metal legs atop a basically vacant wood panel floor. Behind them is a window revealing the city streets and various pedestrians walking along sidewalks behind and adjacent to the building. The cameras are rolling and outside the audition room are anxious singers eager to prove their worth, and some with lesser talent hope to either be seen on television or avoid outright shameful comments from Simon Cowell]

[Tony Conti enters the room and stands before the judges]

Randy Jackson: ...yo yo yoooo! Tony from Rockville, Maryland! Whats up dawg? Hows life in Maryland, dawg?

Tony Conti: Its alright son, feel me?

Randy Jackson: Yeah! yo yo yo! My man Tony talking with the Maryland slang! I like that dawg!

Simon Cowell (rolling his eyes): Lets get on with this. What are you going to sing for us today?

Paula Abdul: Tony you look like such a nice young man...someone I would never consider dating but someone who I would love to say "let's just be friends" if you asked me out on a date!

Tony Conti: Im going to perform a poem I wrote about idols.

Kara DioGuardi: ....uh....this is a singing competition

Simon Cowell: See! This is why we hired her. So much better than Paula!

Paula Abdul: HEEYY!

Randy Jackson: Okay guys, enough. Tony show us what you got man.




---------------------[These are MY Psalms: Psalm 135 Goodbye Idolatry/ I have fashioned Idols for myself]------------



Pornography you were made with gold of my purest passions
you were tempered with hope of satiation
and refined in the fires of bitterness and anger at having no woman
to please me

I made eyes for you and asked that you see me in dire emotional straits
to watch my deepest needs
to look past my regret and guide me to a safe haven
away from rejection, and tension and scrupulosity
from the female mind
I made your mouth and your ears to hear my lust
to speak my truth that indulgence is the only prudence
the only way to escape frustration
you promised me that I would never need another
if I bowed before you

Pursuit of Money, you were made with silver of my most earnest desire to be rich
you were tempered with dreams of a better life, lush living
and refined in the fires of materialism and covetousness - and
utter disregard for the poor

I made eyes for you and begged that you would massage my broken ego
you looked at my depravity, as I sought consolation for my indebtedness
you saw my weekly and monthly income laid bare before you
I made your mouth with a chisel of naivete and ears to hear my discontent
you prophesied and spoke of credit cards
you told me the rich only get rich and the poor only get poor
to store up my treasures on earth
because possessions are the only measure of a man's worth
so I splurged (and never saved) as
I lowly bowed before you


Laziness you were made with copper of my keenest fears
you were tempered with thoughts of tomorrow, and rest for today
and refined in the fires of procrastination and putting away
for more opportune times

I made eyes for you and pleaded for mercy, implored you to see my plight
overworked and under appreciated...I asked you to empathize with
too much toil, and no relaxation
I made your mouth carelessly, and without precision and ears disproportionate
because you told me there was always time to resume later
the most genuine human experience is rest
sleep is a shelter in times of upheaval
I spoke to you of my fear of failing in my work
the future is for worry
eating, drinking, and being merry is for now
you advised as I paid my tithes to you

My dearest idols


but now as am I mired in unhappiness,
debt, lust, and sloth
I realize you do not speak
I realize you do not hear
I have sacrificed at the altars of falsehood
and worshipped my own mind on my home mantle
for so long you lied to me, making me like you
you promised me mirth
leaving me only with nonexistence
obscurity


[I am like you - seeing but not seeing, hearing but not hearing and speaking but not speaking]
[May God forgive us all]

--------------------------------
Simon Cowell: What in the **&! was that? That was like a dog throwing up on hot asphalt on a summer day in Cancun, then some hot chick throwing her used lipstick on it

Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson: What!!!!????

Paula Abdul: Tony, that was nice, and you are such a nice person. But I just dont think youre right for this competition

Simon Cowell: Tony, youre just not right for life. That was the absolute worst song/poem, whatever you call it, I have heard in my entire life! That sounded like a turtle spitting out his own phlem and then wiping his butt on it

Kara DioGuardi: Tony, you should write your poems and put it on a blog so you can delude yourself that you actually have talent and console yourself with the thought that the whole "world wide web" is reading it, thus giving your misguided mind a sense of purpose

Randy Jackson: Ouch! Kara hitting below the belt! Sorry Tony man, you just dont have any talent. Youre worthless dawg. Its a NO for me

Simon Cowell: NO

Kara DioGuardi: NO

Paula Abdul: NO

Randy Jackson: Thats four "NO's" man, maybe next year dawg!

[Tony Conti exits the room, and the next singer walks in behind him]


---------------///////////////////////////////////
Jeremiah 7:30
The people of Judah have done evil in my eyes, declares the LORD. They have set up their detestable idols in the house that bears my Name and have defiled it

Psalm 135:14-18
For the LORD will vindicate his people
and have compassion on his servants.

15 The idols of the nations are silver and gold,
made by the hands of men.

16 They have mouths, but cannot speak,
eyes, but they cannot see;

17 they have ears, but cannot hear,
nor is there breath in their mouths.

18 Those who make them will be like them,
and so will all who trust in them.
-----------------------/////////////////////////////////////////

Lazarus

+----------------------------------------[Penury]



Life feels like dogs licking sores
neglect, hardship
black crows circling under the glow of the white moon,
blank and indifferent
waiting
impatient

I have a scarred mind and a withered heart
(a soul embattled)
I have a protruding stomach, extended past my ribcage
protruding and a gaunt face...
seemingly detached from my neck
when I am able, I close my eyes and reminisce about times past
childhood dreams - a wife and 3 kids
and domesticated pets, not vagabonds - not scavengers
(preying on the poor)
but now crumbs have become surrogate sons for me
falling from some hopeful benefactor's table
crumbs have displaced romantic fantasies of a woman
with long, dark curly hair
and almond shaped eyes...
I scream at night..not at the crows and not due to lacerating hunger
but as warnings to the apparitions that haunt
plaguing me; whispering deceits into my left ear

My tears can no longer slake my thirst
instead of water I just drink the faint prospect of angel's wings
ushering me to distant lands, celestial
and not being stepped on when the master or his guests
proceed into town
mistaking me for the side of the road
I lay on
that has become home






"There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores and longing to eat what fell from the rich man's table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores."The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham's side. The rich man also died and was buried. In hell,where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. So he called to him, 'Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.'"But Abraham replied, 'Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.'"He answered, 'Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my father's house, for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.'"Abraham replied, 'They have Moses and the Prophets; let them listen to them.'" 'No, father Abraham,' he said, 'but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.'"He said to him, 'If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.' " [Luke 16:19-31 NIV]

Jessica Alba, They Want to Stage a Coup D'etat...

Then Athaliah tore her robes and called out, "Treason! Treason!"
-----------------------------[Jessica Alba, Dont Let Them Take My Throne...please]



Jessica,
our love was like Ahaziah, violently snuffed
and without you, my dreams are like a dead son
fallen wounded in Megiddo
......I am so lost without you baby
loneliness has made me a vindictive queen
teeming with thoughts of murder
because if you arent on the throne
no one else deserves to rule
no one else deserves to take your place
(I bow before you, baby girl)

ill-fated is Jehosheba,
a portent of our love, a hex on romance is Jehoiada,
and sadly, the decay of hope is Jehu devising -
dealing my soul a crushing blow impossible to mend
my heartbreak sounds like 300 pairs of feet marching,
guided by Carite captains
men fortified with the weapons of King David
turning the pages of destiny, annihilating our bond
penalizing me for worshipping Baal
the vain and futile expectation that our love would be mutual
that I would stand beside you on your wedding day
.....and hold your hand......
but the soldiers are guarding the temple of my demise
crowning another in my place
usurping my authority
my right to love

Trumpet blasts are a dirge
a death to my longings, the adulations of my subjects
for a new king, standing by the pillar of my dejection is treachery
Joash is the name of your rejection of me
(my downfall, my assasination) robbing the throne
I am no longer in contention for your love
because I dared to fantasize
I dared to have visions of us kissing
Jehu is the disgraced social order we live in, that deems me unworthy
of your consideration
THIS IS NOT FAIR, JESSICA ALBA!!!
WHY CANT YOU FALL FOR A GUY LIKE ME? WHY CANT WE BE TOGETHER??
IT IS "TREASON!, TREASON!"*



*weeping and gnashing my teeth



------------------------
2 Kings 11

Now when Athaliah the mother of Ahaziah saw that her son was dead, she arose and destroyed all the seed royal. But Jehosheba, the daughter of king Joram, sister of Ahaziah, took Joash the son of Ahaziah, and stole him away from among the king's sons that were slain, even him and his nurse, and put them in the bedchamber; and they hid him from Athaliah, so that he was not slain; And he was with her hid in the house of Jehovah six years. And Athaliah reigned over the land. And in the seventh year Jehoiada sent and fetched the captains over hundreds of the Carites and of the Now when Athaliah the mother of Ahaziah saw that her son was dead, she arose and destroyed all the seed royal. But Jehosheba, the daughter of king Joram, sister of Ahaziah, took Joash the son of Ahaziah, and stole him away from among the king's sons that were slain, even him and his nurse, and put them in the bedchamber; and they hid him from Athaliah, so that he was not slain;
And he was with her hid in the house of Jehovah six years. And Athaliah reigned over the land. And in the seventh year Jehoiada sent and fetched the captains over hundreds of the Carites and of the guard, and brought them to him into the house of Jehovah; and he made a covenant with them, and took an oath of them in the house of Jehovah, and showed them the king's son. And he commanded them, saying, This is the thing that ye shall do: a third part of you, that come in on the sabbath, shall be keepers of the watch of the king's house; And a third part shall be at the gate Sur; and a third part at the gate behind the guard: so shall ye keep the watch of the house, and be a barrier. And the two companies of you, evguard, and brought them to him into the house of Jehovah; and he made a covenant with them, and took an oath of them in the house of Jehovah, and showed them the king's son. And he commanded them, saying, This is the thing that ye shall do: a third part of you, that come in on the sabbath, shall be keepers of the watch of the king's house; And a third part shall be at the gate Sur; and a third part at the gate behind the guard: so shall ye keep the watch of the house, and be a barrier. And the two companies of you, even all that go forth on the sabbath, shall keep the watch of the house of Jehovah about the king. And ye shall compass the king round about, every man with his weapons in his hand; and he that cometh within the ranks, let him be slain: and be ye with the king when he goeth out, and when he cometh in. And the captains over hundreds did according to all that Jehoiada the priest commanded; and they took every man his men, those that were to come in on the sabbath, with those that were to go out on the sabbath, and came to Jehoiada the priest. And the priest delivered to the captains over hundreds the spears and shields that had been king David's, which were in the house of Jehovah. And the guard stood, every man with his weapons in his hand, from the right side of the house to the left side of the house, along by the altar and the house, by the king round about. Then he brought out the king's son, and put the crown upon him, and gave him the testimony; and they made him king, and anointed him; and they clapped their hands, and said, Long live the king. And when Athaliah heard the noise of the guard and of the people, she came to the people into the house of Jehovah: and she looked, and, behold, the king stood by the pillar, as the manner was, and the captains and the trumpets by the king; and all the people of the land rejoiced, and blew trumpets. Then Athaliah rent her clothes, and cried, Treason! treason! And Jehoiada the priest commanded the captains of hundreds that were set over the host, and said unto them, Have her forth between the ranks; and him that followeth her slay with the sword. For the priest said, Let her not be slain in the house of Jehovah. So they made way for her; and she went by the way of the horses' entry to the king's house: and there was she slain. And Jehoiada made a covenant between Jehovah and the king and the people, that they should be Jehovah's people; between the king also and the people. And all the people of the land went to the house of Baal, and brake it down; his altars and his images brake they in pieces thoroughly, and slew Mattan the priest of Baal before the altars. And the priest appointed officers over the house of Jehovah. And he took the captains over hundreds, and the Carites, and the guard, and all the people of the land; and they brought down the king from the house of Jehovah, and came by the way of the gate of the guard unto the king's house. And he sat on the throne of the kings. So all the people of the land rejoiced, and the city was quiet. And Athaliah they had slain with the sword at the king's house. Jehoash was seven years old when he began to reign.

I AM Barabbas; I AM Redeemed

"If it has to choose who will be crucified, the crowd will always save Barabbas" - Jean Cocteau

---------[The Thoughts Of Barabbas After Being Released In Jesus' Stead]



He told me to "never look back"
An empathetic glance
with eyes partially swollen, scabbed lips with traces
of dried blood – patches of hair from his head torn
flanked by Roman soldiers
but with a firm will and a spirit undeterred

"I will dance in pools of your blood when you die"
is what people usually tell men like me
rather, what I used to tell my victims. When you rape a woman
your heart feels heavy like black coal inside your chest-
you lose the ability to experience love
watching men bleed, in some sense, permanently impairs your vision
hencoforth all you see is insanity
molesting children erases your childhood from memory
implanting schizophrenia, paranoia in its place
(and it scares you)
For this, I am a pariah forever. meaningless, purposeless Jew
with a worn and conflicted mind:
abused and abusing
dead and yet killing
hard and engendering hardness all about
haunted and troubled
yearning for the empty cross I see on Calvary
from Pilate's steps
the only sanctuary a man has for a wasted life...

He told me "choose life so that you may live"
Before they took off my shackles
"I came to set the captives free";
Scum I suppose, like me
and I suppose now I can feel my heart begin beating
Tears welling
arms trembling and cold
approaching a crowd as numerous as the sand
inveighing against my demise; paradox
a killer released anxiously back into the arms of his victims
and an Innocent Man left behind
I feel I have to keep on walking, weigh further options
because the cross I once craved is no longer empty
and I think....no longer am I



(Im on Holy Ground now)
(Redemption)

--------------------------------
Jesus Before Pilate / Matthew 27:11-26
Meanwhile Jesus stood before the governor, and the governor asked him, "Are you the king of the Jews?" "Yes, it is as you say," Jesus replied. When he was accused by the chief priests and the elders, he gave no answer. Then Pilate asked him, "Don't you hear the testimony they are bringing against you?" But Jesus made no reply, not even to a single charge—to the great amazement of the governor. Now it was the governor's custom at the Feast to release a prisoner chosen by the crowd. At that time they had a notorious prisoner, called Barabbas. So when the crowd had gathered, Pilate asked them, "Which one do you want me to release to you: Barabbas, or Jesus who is called Christ?" For he knew it was out of envy that they had handed Jesus over to him. While Pilate was sitting on the judge's seat, his wife sent him this message: "Don't have anything to do with that innocent man, for I have suffered a great deal today in a dream because of him." But the chief priests and the elders persuaded the crowd to ask for Barabbas and to have Jesus executed. "Which of the two do you want me to release to you?" asked the governor. "Barabbas," they answered. "What shall I do, then, with Jesus who is called Christ?" Pilate asked. They all answered, "Crucify him!" "Why? What crime has he committed?" asked Pilate. But they shouted all the louder, "Crucify him!" When Pilate saw that he was getting nowhere, but that instead an uproar was starting, he took water and washed his hands in front of the crowd. "I am innocent of this man's blood," he said. "It is your responsibility!" All the people answered, "Let his blood be on us and on our children!" Then he released Barabbas to them. But he had Jesus flogged, and handed him over to be crucified.

---------taken from (http://ukrainiac.wordpress.com/category/mercy/)
John Stott writes in his devotional Through the Bible Through the Year about Barabbas, the one who was granted a Passover amnesty…rather than Jesus.

"It is hard to imagine Barabbas’s incredulity when his cell door was flung open and he was called out not to execution but to freedom. He must have stumbled out dumbfounded into the bright sunshine of a spring day. He was not only released but, in a sense, redeemed.

"Perhaps Barabbas also felt (as we do) the anomaly of his position. The one who had given sight to the blind and had laid his hands on little children was to be crucified, while the ruffian who deserved his sentence was to go scot-free. The apostle Peter referred to this topsy-turvy situation in the second sermon he preached to the crowd in Jerusalem. They had killed the author of life, he said, while asking for a murderer to be released for them (Acts 3:14-15).

"Christians see in the story of Barabbas more than an anomaly; we also see a parable of our redemption. For each of us resembles Barabbas. Like him we deserve death. But like him we have escaped death because Jesus died in our place. If curiosity drew Barabbas to Calvary (though this is purely speculative), perhaps he watched Jesus dying and said to himself, 'He is dying in my place.' Perhaps the sight even touched, softened and redeemed him.'

For whatever reason, I had never really given much thought to Barabbas — other than the fact that an undeserving man had been placed back on the streets again. When I think about the events of that day and put myself in the picture...well, it’s usually as a spectator from afar. I like to think of myself as someone who might have been a follower of Jesus even then.

I certainly never think of myself as Barabbas. Deserving to die and yet redeemed by the blood of Jesus. It's not a pleasant thought to think that within ME is that same potential...

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for paying the price. For being the perfect sacrifice. Dying so that I might live.

Truly amazing.

Mary, Clothed With The Sun....The Moon Under Her Feet

+
*dedicated to the Blessed Virgin Mary, my Mother, my Friend, my Queen
*dedicated to Jennifer, the girl I am destined to never obtain but cannot cease thinking about

------The Thoughts Of Mary, Clothed With The Sun....The Moon Under Her Feet




You begin your life with thoughts of grandeur
but recant and reconsider in the chilling stare of poverty’s wrinkled face;
(grotesque)
dust clouds settling
on your bed mice scurrying
contentment, quiet and solitude – your lot and resignation
alongside hoping to age well
and marry well
and raise your precious children teaching them freedom’s path
from the vile clutch of travails
plaguing you in Galilee
garnering for them a better life with fingers
weary from carrying remorse
wiping tears...

Angels and Blessings, visitations
and messages from above
change everything --- make all things new
and me, for all generations.
And now these dreams cannot be contained, not in the Inn
for which there is no vacancy nor the manger
in which we slept. Cows, and sheep, goats and stray dogs
cowering in my presence now
insoluble light radiating
a heart pondering all these things
a girl wondering
where her normal life went

There are times in life when you close your eyes
just to take everything in
a sigh is the consummate act in which reality sinks
penetrates
saturating the senses until your eyelids open
you see the moon under your feet,
a crown with twelve stars about your head
illuminating heaven
and you laugh
even amidst red dragons, (having seven heads and ten horns)
that salivate for your demise spewing catastrophe
like floods
because you know where you came from
the squalid conditions, and crippled esteem to which you shall never return
because you know when a woman submits to the Lord
it is like the wings of a great eagle
rescuing her


(....transforming
....glorious)





------------------- Revelation Chapter 12------
And there appeared a great wonder in heaven; a woman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet, and upon her head a crown of twelve stars: And she being with child cried, travailing in birth, and pained to be delivered. And there appeared another wonder in heaven; and behold a great red dragon, having seven heads and ten horns, and seven crowns upon his heads. And his tail drew the third part of the stars of heaven, and did cast them to the earth: and the dragon stood before the woman which was ready to be delivered, for to devour her child as soon as it was born. And she brought forth a man child, who was to rule all nations with a rod of iron: and her child was caught up unto God, and to his throne. And the woman fled into the wilderness, where she hath a place prepared of God, that they should feed her there a thousand two hundred and threescore days. And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels, And prevailed not; neither was their place found any more in heaven. And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him. And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night. And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death. Therefore rejoice, ye heavens, and ye that dwell in them. Woe to the inhabiters of the earth and of the sea! for the devil is come down unto you, having great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short time. And when the dragon saw that he was cast unto the earth, he persecuted the woman which brought forth the man child. And to the woman were given two wings of a great eagle, that she might fly into the wilderness, into her place, where she is nourished for a time, and times, and half a time, from the face of the serpent. And the serpent cast out of his mouth water as a flood after the woman, that he might cause her to be carried away of the flood. And the earth helped the woman, and the earth opened her mouth, and swallowed up the flood which the dragon cast out of his mouth. And the dragon was wroth with the woman, and went to make war with the remnant of her seed, which keep the commandments of God, and have the testimony of Jesus Christ.

---------Banquet of the Ten Virgins (Methodius) > Discourse 8Now, then, O Virgins, daughters of undefiled temperance, let us strive for a life of blessedness and the kingdom of heaven. And do ye unite with those before you in an earnest desire for the same glory of chastity, caring little for the things of this life. For immortality and chastity do not contribute a little to happiness, raising up the flesh aloft, and drying up its moisture and its clay-like weight, by a greater force of attraction. And let not the uncleanness which you hear creep in and weigh you down to the earth; nor let sorrow transform your joy, melting away your hopes in better things; but shake off incessantly the calamities which come upon you, not defiling your mind with lamentations. Let faith conquer wholly, and let its light drive away the visions of evil which crowd around the heart. For, as when the moon brightly shining fills the heaven with its light, and all the air becomes clear, but suddenly the clouds from the west, enviously rushing in, for a little while overshadow its light, but do not destroy it, since they are immediately driven away by a blast of the wind; so ye also, when causing the light of chastity to shine in the world, although pressed upon by afflictions and labours, do not grow weary and abandon your hopes. For the clouds which come from the Evil One are driven away by the Spirit, if you, like your Mother, who gives birth to the male Virgin in heaven, fear nothing the serpent that lies in wait and plots against you; concerning whom I intend to discourse to you more plainly; for it is now time.

John, in the course of the Apocalypse, says: Revelation 12:1-6 And there appeared a great wonder in heaven; a woman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet, and upon her head a crown of twelve stars: and she, being with child, cried, travailing in birth, and pained to be delivered. And there appeared another wonder in heaven; and behold a great red dragon, having seven heads and ten horns, and seven crowns upon his heads. And his tail drew the third part of the stars of heaven, and did cast them to the earth: and the dragon stood before the woman which was ready to be delivered, for to devour her child as soon as it was born. And she brought forth a man-child, who was to rule all nations with a rod of iron: and her child was caught up unto God, and to His throne. And the woman fled into the wilderness, where she has a place prepared of God, that they should feed her there a thousand two hundred and threescore days. So far we have given, in brief, the history of the woman and the dragon. But to search out and explain the solution of them is beyond my powers. Nevertheless, let me venture, trusting in Him who commanded to search the Scriptures. John 5:39 If, then, you agree with this, it will not be difficult to undertake it; for you will quite pardon me, if I am unable sufficiently to explain the exact meaning of the Scripture.

The woman who appeared in heaven clothed with the sun, and crowned with twelve stars, and having the moon for her footstool, and being with child, and travailing in birth, is certainly, according to the accurate interpretation, our mother, O virgins, being a power by herself distinct from her children; whom the prophets, according to the aspect of their subjects, have called sometimes Jerusalem, sometimes a Bride, sometimes Mount Zion, and sometimes the Temple and Tabernacle of God. For she is the power which is desired to give light in the prophet, the Spirit crying to her: Isaiah 60:1-4 Arise, shine; for your light is come, and the glory of the Lord is risen upon you. For, behold, the darkness shall cover the earth, and gross darkness the people: but the Lord shall arise upon you, and His glory shall be seen upon you. And the Gentiles shall come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your rising. Lift up your eyes round about, and see; all they gather themselves together, they come to you: your sons shall come from far, and your daughters shall be nursed at your side. It is the Church whose children shall come to her with all speed after the resurrection, running to her from all quarters. She rejoices receiving the light which never goes down, and clothed with the brightness of the Word as with a robe. For with what other more precious or honourable ornament was it becoming that the queen should be adorned, to be led as a Bride to the Lord, when she had received a garment of light, and therefore was called by the Father? Come, then, let us go forward in our discourse, and look upon this marvelous woman as upon virgins prepared for a marriage, pure and undefiled, perfect and radiating a permanent beauty, wanting nothing of the brightness of light; and instead of a dress, clothed with light itself; and instead of precious stones, her head adorned with shining stars. For instead of the clothing which we have, she had light; and for gold and brilliant stones, she had stars; but stars not such as those which are set in the invisible heaven, but better and more resplendent, so that those may rather be considered as their images and likenesses.

I Would Rather Fall on My Sword Than Abdandon Gwen

"What have you done?" asked Samuel.
-----[Gwen Stefani, Life Without You is a Battlefield of Philistines]------


Chariots, Charioteers and Soldiers mounting:
(as numerous as sand on the seashore)
is me without you, a morning without staring at your face
sleeping
I love you Gwen
Micmash was my haven, deep in my heart
for us to dwell, a place where I gathered hope and jubilee
by the thousands like men of Israel gather
a bulwark
against any obstacle of love that came our way
attempting to decimate our affinity
our bond
our amor
(never defeated)

Yet, the Philistine army is doubt I have always harbored
about us ever getting married, or even starting a family
and they assemble before hope and jubilee
making them flee
"what if you don't love me?" is Gad
"what if you don't need me?" is Gilead
there they go, nothing remaining behind
except widespread fear
panic
burnt offerings and fellowship offerings
and hasty decisions
to leave you and forge a new life
with more certainty

You told me to wait seven days for you
I would have waited nine
You told me to keep the pillow next to me warm
I slept across the entire bed
but the tears – and nightmares of you leaving me
are haunting
I worry too much about you, and that is where my love bled
...on Mount Gilboa
My armor bearer is my conscience
reeling
your absence, my malfeasance is too much to bear
I divorced you, and you didn’t even know
but I cant let doubt and remorse abuse me
My sword is my retaliation for all my wrongs
Gwen, I deserve death as a consequence for what Ive done
as does my conscience


(my memory is my sons – let death take them with me)




---------------------------------------
1 Samuel 13: 11-14"What have you done?" asked Samuel. Saul replied, "When I saw that the men were scattering, and that you did not come at the set time, and that the Philistines were assembling at Micmash, I thought, 'Now the Philistines will come down against me at Gilgal, and I have not sought the LORD's favor.' So I felt compelled to offer the burnt offering." "You acted foolishly," Samuel said. "You have not kept the command the LORD your God gave you; if you had, he would have established your kingdom over Israel for all time. But now your kingdom will not endure; the LORD has sought out a man after his own heart and appointed him leader of his people, because you have not kept the LORD's command."

1 Samuel 31:1-6
Now the Philistines fought against Israel; the Israelites fled before them, and many fell slain on Mount Gilboa. The Philistines pressed hard after Saul and his sons, and they killed his sons Jonathan, Abinadab and Malki-Shua. The fighting grew fierce around Saul, and when the archers overtook him, they wounded him critically. Saul said to his armor-bearer, "Draw your sword and run me through, or these uncircumcised fellows will come and run me through and abuse me." But his armor-bearer was terrified and would not do it; so Saul took his own sword and fell on it. When the armor-bearer saw that Saul was dead, he too fell on his sword and died with him. So Saul and his three sons and his armor-bearer and all his men died together that same day.

Jennifer....

JENNIFER, BABY....GOD I WANT YOU SO BAD. IT SUCKS TO REALIZE I HAVE TO LIVE THE REST OF MY LIFE WITHOUT YOU....

....And from the roof he saw a woman bathing, and the woman was very beautiful to behold. So David sent and inquired about the woman...
------------------[Jennifer....Uriah Was My Love For You]


You are death and destruction
obliteration, desolation
I was innocent as a ceremonial washing
hopeful on a rooftop...away from prying eyes, in the solitude of my own wistful thinking
before you seized me
and brought me into the chambers of your
royally
addictive
love
trembling in your presence, wandering in your green eyes
falling in love

Our future together was Uriah
on the battlefield chasing prosperity/
our life together. Me kissing you (running my fingers down your scalp)
I thought Ammon was his deadliest foe, blood soaking the grass
their spears impaling Jews beside him but
it wasn't in Rabbah, it was you in Jerusalem
sitting on your throne plotting his demise
the brief times we befriended each other felt like
being summoned home, but he couldn't rest
the battle to marry you was still being waged
and he couldn't sleep, knowing you still weren't mine
he would rather gaze at the moon
Holding stars in his hands
And sleep outside on the cold ground

Jennifer,
yet that wasn't enough to please you
you held me in your arms, told me to bathe and let me go
you took our future together and killed it
by rejecting me with the cruel sword of Ammonites
besides death, besides the tears
unbearable
my heart was pregnant with dreams, with wedding pictures
...and I think, I just had a miscarriage


.....selah....



-------------------------
2 Samuel 12: 1-14 (NKJV)
Then the LORD sent Nathan to David. And he came to him, and said to him: "There were two men in one city, one rich and the other poor. The rich man had exceedingly many flocks and herds. But the poor man had nothing, except one little ewe lamb which he had bought and nourished; and it grew up together with him and with his children. It ate of his own food and drank from his own cup and lay in his bosom; and it was like a daughter to him. And a traveler came to the rich man, who refused to take from his own flock and from his own herd to prepare one for the wayfaring man who had come to him; but he took the poor man's lamb and prepared it for the man who had come to him." So David's anger was greatly aroused against the man, and he said to Nathan, "As the LORD lives, the man who has done this shall surely die! And he shall restore fourfold for the lamb, because he did this thing and because he had no pity." Then Nathan said to David, "You are the man! Thus says the LORD God of Israel: 'I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. I gave you your master’s house and your master's wives into your keeping, and gave you the house of Israel and Judah. And if that had been too little, I also would have given you much more! Why have you despised the commandment of the LORD, to do evil in His sight? You have killed Uriah the Hittite with the sword; you have taken his wife to be your wife, and have killed him with the sword of the people of Ammon. Now therefore, the sword shall never depart from your house, because you have despised Me, and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife.' Thus says the LORD: 'Behold, I will raise up adversity against you from your own house; and I will take your wives before your eyes and give them to your neighbor, and he shall lie with your wives in the sight of this sun. For you did it secretly, but I will do this thing before all Israel, before the sun.'" So David said to Nathan, "I have sinned against the LORD." And Nathan said to David, "The LORD also has put away your sin; you shall not die. However, because by this deed you have given great occasion to the enemies of the LORD to blaspheme, the child also who is born to you shall surely die." Then Nathan departed to his house.