My Dichotomous Self

*Dedicated to the Angels who rescued Lot

-------------------------/My Dichotomous Self: The Last Words of Lot in Sodom


They say husband and wife are one-
homo erectus-
those of the same bone but different flesh
carrying the same angst,
a man beleaguered by his sins pointing
blames’ finger at both himself and someone else.
I am single but I often dream of my wife.
Her eyes enchanting, body beguiling as she walks
shedding specks of dirt as divine magic dust
presenting herself as my treasure
awaiting a worthy name:
Contrast.
She and I are part of the same fantasy,
I cannot separate her from the dreams
of who I am and want most to become.
Of curiosity we eat from the same tree
of deceptions we share the same disingenuous
serpents’ speech, seduced together in Sodom
our hearts set on Gomorrah
forgetting quickly the flaming swords of the past
and the visions of corpses that jar our children from sleep
rustling winds of condemnation,
and the snarls of carnivores howling at the wind. 
Like her, a part of me remains in this accursed city
charmed, besotted in some sense to this land
full of craven calloused carousing men
who have sex with animals and behead their own mothers.
Burning children sacrificed to gods like gentle lullabies
the screams
overpowering any gentle echoes of humanity’s righteous past.
Yet what is left churns in disgust
that even holy messengers have no sanctum or dignity here;
I would rather my lose my virgin
daughters to pernicious suffering than to forget God-
reprising Eden’s horrific fall.
So when opportunity avails itself
hastening upon us like celestial salvation from imminent chaos
 it feels as though I am tearing myself apart,
like nursing fractured bones.
 I want to run towards this new hope,
carried by angels to restore my infinitude,
while still yearning for that perverted pleasure 
I have come to savor like salt.





-------------Genesis 19:23-26
The sun was risen upon the earth when Lot entered into Zoar. Then the LORD rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the LORD out of heaven; And he overthrew those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and that which grew upon the ground. But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.