Call Me King Saul, 32 Years Decrepit (and my love 18)

* Dedicated to Alesana, Hand in Hand With The Damned

http://youtu.be/5wpZzhgocCM

* Dedicated to RB4, and yall know - say it with me - I AINT TALKIN BOUT NO RUNNING BACK!!! 

Guys, I had been waiting to write this poem for SOOOO LONG. But I couldnt muster the strength. I want a woman I cant have. I am the damned.  People say, Tony! Be careful, dont write about girls in such a way that they discover their own identity in your poems. To that, I respond, as I have always responded, I dont care! I have never cared! Except to pour out my heart as a sacrificial offering.....to throw literary spears recklessly, at women I love so much. At a girl I want so bad.....its all I can do not to grieve too much. I have to write this down....its the only time I have to mourn my losses.... [I TOLD YOU GUYS I WAS EMO!!!]

---------------/Call Me King Saul, 32 Years Decrepit

R**** when I first saw you, anointed, at Christlife

(your beautiful eyes, your handsome appearance glistening like anointing oil)

it was like a siphoning, the Spirit of the LORD of beauty, of hope, cascading

on you, after departing from me. A hollow shell of a man

once king of his emotions, hopes and dreams once conspiring

to conquer adversity to romance like exotic lands

like savage drooling barbarians- now disheveled and gone mad. I am 32,

THE EVIL SPIRIT OF AGING IS TERRORIZING ME

THE EVIL SPIRIT OF AGING IS TERRORIZING ME

still single, but you, a ruddy Bethlehemite of only 18:

So full of life and skilled music, your voice like harmonious balm to my loneliness

looking at your pics on Facebook, melodic euphoria.

I see you as this valorous woman, prudent in speech and strong in her faith

 a future queen riding a donkey of cool practicality,

in her hands only bread of humility and a jug of wine of her charm,

bathed in the praises of the kingdom of lovers’ reciprocation.

And the fantasies I have of us together, one day kissing, one day marrying

are sweet, but ephemeral metaphors for you visiting me

though only to play on a harp.

Assuaging my grief, repelling the demon spirits of despair.

In truth, I dread you, a coup,

everything I want, everything I cant have destined to succeed me,

to tear down the throne of every dream I have ever known

for our fate, it seems, is not to coexist. I cant have you,

but I want you, regrettably

the throne of happiness is not to be shared.

(you can sit since my time on it has expired)

Forgive me if I throw these verbal spears of forlornness

recklessly, weaponry of the damned trying to pin this guilt and regret.

I am just an old raving forsaken king. Cursed

for being born 14 years too late.

  

--------------1 Samuel 16:12-23

So he sent and brought him in. Now he was ruddy, with beautiful eyes and a handsome appearance. And the LORD said, “Arise, anoint him; for this is he.” Then Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the midst of his brothers; and the Spirit of the LORD came mightily upon David from that day forward. And Samuel arose and went to Ramah. Now the Spirit of the LORD departed from Saul, and an evil spirit from the LORD terrorized him. Saul’s servants then said to him, “Behold now, an evil spirit from God is terrorizing you.“ Let our lord now command your servants who are before you. Let them seek a man who is a skillful player on the harp; and it shall come about when the evil spirit from God is on you, that he shall play the harp with his hand, and you will be well.” So Saul said to his servants, “Provide for me now a man who can play well and bring him to me.” Then one of the young men said, “Behold, I have seen a son of Jesse the Bethlehemite who is a skillful musician, a mighty man of valor, a warrior, one prudent in speech, and a handsome man; and the LORD is with him.” So Saul sent messengers to Jesse and said, “Send me your son David who is with the flock.” Jesse took a donkey loaded with bread and a jug of wine and a young goat, and sent them to Saul by David his son. Then David came to Saul and attended him; and Saul loved him greatly, and he became his armor bearer.Saul sent to Jesse, saying, “Let David now stand before me, for he has found favor in my sight.” So it came about whenever the evil spirit from God came to Saul, David would take the harp and play it with his hand; and Saul would be refreshed and be well, and the evil spirit would depart from him.

1 Samuel 18:10-11, 15-16

Now it came about on the next day that an evil spirit from God came mightily upon Saul, and he raved in the midst of the house, while David was playing the harp with his hand, as usual; and a spear was in Saul’s hand. Saul hurled the spear for he thought, “I will pin David to the wall.” But David escaped from his presence twice….When Saul saw that he was prospering greatly, he dreaded him. But all Israel and Judah loved David, and he went out and came in before them.

--- Hand in Hand With the Damned Lyrics

I don't trust myself
I'm trapped drowning in despair, (I'm poisonous)
I slammed the door and locked it shut and now disaster plagues my thoughts.
Let's drink to the dead, (I'm poisonous)
Cheers to what's ahead!

Sweet temptress!
I can see it in your eyes,
You're moving on without me!
(So it ends tonight)
I guess this is goodbye!
Selfishly you say you're better off without me.
(And it ends tonight)
Well baby save your breath.

Won't you please have mercy?
Before you push me away let me try to change your mind.
Oh wanderer!
If you think this is fun just you wait until I'm done!

Blessed fortune screams "Why have you forsaken me?"
(There's no escape) I never should have lost my way.
And now I'm stranded out at sea chasing a lie
(There's no escape) I'm losing the sky.

Sweet temptress!
I can see it in your eyes,
You're moving on without me!
(So it ends tonight)
I guess this is goodbye!
Selfishly you say you're better off without me.
(And it ends tonight)
Well baby save your breath.

Imprisoned soul seized in the chamber of feculent horror.
Suffer all you must but suffer silently.
Still your cursed tongue, stay your blighted abandon.
In your eternal death you hunger for rotten mire.
For in your mortal life it was this which was your gift to man.
Prepare to walk hand in hand with the damned.
God can't help you and angels won't save you!
Your unrequited prayers will be in bane of your existence!
Prepare to walk hand in hand with the damned! [x3]

I am poisonous!
Is there a way for me to say that you should stay?
I need to know you'll miss me when I'm gone.
I'll cherish you until the day I die!
A twisted way to make you mine!

I can see it in your eyes,
You're moving on without me.
(So it ends tonight)
I guess this is goodbye!
Selfishly you say you're better off without me.
(And it ends tonight)
Well baby save your breath.

Won't you please have mercy?
Before you push me away let me try to change your mind.
Oh wanderer!
If you think this is fun just wait until I'm done!