Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Setting Me Straight!

Awwww man yall, I want a woman so bad! Like dat bamma St. Paul said son, its better to marry than to burn! – and trus....Im a burning!!! You see Im about to write to yall about this girl I saw the other.....

GOD: NO!

What the he.....? What was that noise?.......anyway, like I said before Im about to write a blog about this honey, sweet beautiful gorgeous cutie that I.....

GOD: NO!

Do I have something stuck in my ear? Shoooooot, all this commotion make me feel like Im playing Halo on Xbox live up in this piece, ya knoooowwww? Like, Like, I be about to kill my opponent – Lil Wayne, Show me my opponent!- and they always be like "No, No, No, please Mr. Tony don't hurt us.....we got kids to feed!" But I be blasting them fools and hitting em up with my hovercraft and what not anyway! No mercy for you Xbox posers! NO MERCY ....ahem.....but anyway I should find something to clean out my ears with......but yeah like I said befo, yo! yall this girl is banging yo! Shes the hot stuff, she....

GOD: NO! You will write about the book of Acts for your next blog entry! Focus!

Ummmm, assuming that's You, God, I would like to beg to differ…I wont be writing about the Book of Acts right on the heels of Valentines Day! I mean, come on Big Baby! Let me get this love thing on…..HEY! Wait a minute! You! YOU! Youre the Author and Finisher of my faith! And the mass reading the other day was about Adam and Eve son! DUUUUHHH – now that I have Your attention, I must kindly implore You to give me a hots babe! (Not merely hot, but hots). Like for example I would like my girl to look like Brooklyn Decker for one and.....

[Suddenly the ground Tony stands on begins to shake, and loud, almost deafening peals of thunder can be heard. The sky becomes ominously black, the clouds shades of blood red. Said tumult intimates that an earthquake may be pending]

Katy Perry?

[Incandescent, effulgent lightning blazes across the sky, as beautiful as it is dangerous, and lands at Tony's feet]

Beyonce? Shakira?? Mya???

[A violent gust of wind picks Tony up and hurls him a hundred yards and slams his body down]

Ouch! WOOOAAAHHH! OKAY OKAY, I’LL WRITE ABOUT THE BOOK OF ACTS! Acts Chronicles Chapter 11, right?

GOD: Right. Listen, my son, I will provide you with a wife, or not, all in due time. Seek first my Kingdom and all these things shall be added unto you. I am concerned with your preoccupation with women and relationships above and beyond other aspects of Christian life….

Whaaaat? Okay I feel you but like I said, Do I have to???

GOD: DON’T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE AND STRIKE YOU WITH A LIGHTNING BOLT!

....eeek! Im right on it, Boss!

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