*dedicated to Darlene, Katie, Jennifer, Jan, Meghan, Cynthia, Shannon, Alexis, Kina, Lisa, Bethany, Kara, Mindy, Camille. To all the girls I agonized over but eventually concluded I should have never even pursued - because I was too unworthy, and never really had a chance....
So all the guests who were with Adonijah were afraid, and arose, and each one went his way
----------------/ 1 Kings and Things Chapter 1 (Part 1): Meant To Be - The thoughts of Adonijah as Solomon is coronated and everyone flees.
The choice:
legacies left behind or
legacies you choose to bequeath to the world......
.......
melancholy rejection (from love, from self, from expectations real and phantom),
always attempting to recoup or compensate for missed opportunities;
this is a story about letting go
and not always chasing after frivolous things
every whim of fancy
and wishing that things would be what they patently are not.
we (my supporters) fell too far too fast
precipitously rejoicing in things that were never meant to be
and we saw our aspirations rise in that smoke
towering towards heaven
Zoheleth was to be a monument to perpetuating a contingency
I guess
and in delusion hoping façade would supersede reality
of being second best
of never being esteemed the way you always wished you were
too many brothers
too many mothers
too many mouths clamoring throughout the kingdom
of their grandiose intentions to be king – someday ruling the world
shackled to envy, and perceptions and perspectives foisted
at such a young age
and feelings that
there will be a collective sense of deprivation
if you aren't what everyone purports you to be
and I apologize to the sheep and oxen
filled with regret and shame for making martyrs out of
bystanders, dolefully dying for deception
screaming out lies, feigning wailing in anguish
so that their families too would be able to find dignity
in the life and the memories,
the sanguine heritage to be passed down to their babies
destined to live a life in squalor, used for meat
some worthless, immoral guests of the king never choose to eat
though seasoned with the best spices. wretches.
and maybe Solomon is the better man
and my life better for the royal court
but sometimes you just don't realize these things till its too late
and you dont truly mourn for things until theyre taken
and when your hope and your optimism, friends and cohorts
(and some self-serving opportunists, no doubt. But doesn't every
great leader have some storied panicked past with parasites? Bittersweet but poetic)
dissipate and disband as quickly as they assembled
you become an adolescent again
sitting on your mother's lap listening to fawning stories
about how her baby would enable her to be "Queen Mother"
someday
and you just want to keep holding on to that vision
closing your eyes time and time again
trying to make it come true
trying to make everyone else believe it too
(because as you age, you find out its all you've got....all youve ever had)
---------1 Kings 1:5-10;41-49
Then Adonijah the son of Haggith exalted himself, saying, "I will be king"; and he prepared for himself chariots and horsemen, and fifty men to run before him. (And his father had not rebuked him at any time by saying, "Why have you done so?" He was also very good-looking. His mother had borne him after Absalom.) Then he conferred with Joab the son of Zeruiah and with Abiathar the priest, and they followed and helped Adonijah. But Zadok the priest, Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, Nathan the prophet, Shimei, Rei, and the mighty men who belonged to David were not with Adonijah. And Adonijah sacrificed sheep and oxen and fattened cattle by the stone of Zoheleth, which is by En Rogel; he also invited all his brothers, the king's sons, and all the men of Judah, the king’s servants. But he did not invite Nathan the prophet, Benaiah, the mighty men, or Solomon his brother; Now Adonijah and all the guests who were with him heard it as they finished eating. And when Joab heard the sound of the horn, he said, "Why is the city in such a noisy uproar?" While he was still speaking, there came Jonathan, the son of Abiathar the priest. And Adonijah said to him, "Come in, for you are a prominent man, and bring good news." Then Jonathan answered and said to Adonijah, "No! Our lord King David has made Solomon king. The king has sent with him Zadok the priest, Nathan the prophet, Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, the Cherethites, and the Pelethites; and they have made him ride on the king’s mule. So Zadok the priest and Nathan the prophet have anointed him king at Gihon; and they have gone up from there rejoicing, so that the city is in an uproar. This is the noise that you have heard. Also Solomon sits on the throne of the kingdom. And moreover the king's servants have gone to bless our lord King David, saying, 'May God make the name of Solomon better than your name, and may He make his throne greater than your throne.' Then the king bowed himself on the bed. Also the king said thus, 'Blessed be the LORD God of Israel, who has given one to sit on my throne this day, while my eyes see it!'" So all the guests who were with Adonijah were afraid, and arose, and each one went his way.
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