Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Jennifer Lawrence You Are My (Sweet, Sweet) Canaan




--------------------/Canaan (Jennifer Lawrence, You Are My Canaan)


Jennifer, I would run from everything I have ever known
for you, in obscure darkness, in swirling mists of uncertainty
trampling through my fear of being alone
anxiety about being too old, doubts about you requiting my passion
like a crazed man stumbling over the bed of the sea,
frantic,
determined that whatever should stand between us
part ways like walls of water.
You see, Ive come to view life before you as slavery:
whips layered with stone lacerating my back
being unable to gaze at your blonde hair,
maggot infested bread the deprivation of your blue eyes,
your lips like the agonizing callous sun on scabbed skin,
if I cant kiss them. Sadly, I was contented in this,
cleaning my shackles, expecting wounds,
my heart decaying under depression and loneliness,
tyrannical rule of a soulless Pharoah. Voices of my oppressors,
girls who rejected me,
compassionless taskmasters with bloated national pride,
their feral laughing by day, echoes of affliction at night  
-cringing reminders of those who rejoice at my failings-.
My tears became my sin, rats became my friends,
brothers of degradation. But under the auspicious moon
(when I saw Hunger Games)
like Moses you came, behind you the angel of death.  
 But under the moon of my despair, like Moses you came,
(staff of confidence in your hand, charm in your smile,
panache in your demeanor)
behind you the angel of death,
of my dating-life dejection.
I likened you to a shooting star, a fleeting chance at fulfillment.
You, the sexiest movie star, placed in a basket at birth
nursed in the arms of Beauty, succored at the breasts of feminine regality.
Come, lets dart past the lies, the skepticism,
the detractors who wish me unmarried wailing over their disappointment
like the murder of their firstborn sons,
to the shores of new opportunity. I want you to look into my eyes Jennifer,
and say “follow me….be with me.”
When all is said and done, we will look back
at the chariots with envy clogged wheels, jealousy a legion of soldiers,
as completely pathetic and washed up
dead on the shores of our love
rotting by day.


(DATE ME JENNIFER, PLEEEEAAASSSEEE??? OH BABY OH BABY OH BABY!!!


-------------/Exodus 14:21—15:1
Moses stretched out his hand over the sea,
and the LORD swept the sea
with a strong east wind throughout the night
and so turned it into dry land.
When the water was thus divided,
the children of Israel marched into the midst of the sea on dry land,
with the water like a wall to their right and to their left.

The Egyptians followed in pursuit;
all Pharaoh’s horses and chariots and charioteers went after them
right into the midst of the sea.
In the night watch just before dawn
the LORD cast through the column of the fiery cloud
upon the Egyptian force a glance that threw it into a panic;
and he so clogged their chariot wheels
that they could hardly drive.
With that the Egyptians sounded the retreat before Israel,
because the LORD was fighting for them against the Egyptians.

Then the LORD told Moses, “Stretch out your hand over the sea,
that the water may flow back upon the Egyptians,
upon their chariots and their charioteers.”
So Moses stretched out his hand over the sea,
and at dawn the sea flowed back to its normal depth.
The Egyptians were fleeing head on toward the sea,
when the LORD hurled them into its midst.
As the water flowed back,
it covered the chariots and the charioteers of Pharaoh’s whole army
that had followed the children of Israel into the sea.
Not a single one of them escaped.
But the children of Israel had marched on dry land
through the midst of the sea,
with the water like a wall to their right and to their left.
Thus the LORD saved Israel on that day
from the power of the Egyptians.
When Israel saw the Egyptians lying dead on the seashore
and beheld the great power that the LORD
had shown against the Egyptians,
they feared the LORD and believed in him and in his servant Moses.

Then Moses and the children of Israel sang this song to the LORD:

I will sing to the LORD, for he is gloriously triumphant;
horse and chariot he has cast into the sea.

Monday, July 22, 2013

I WAS SAVED BY AN 18 YEAR OLD RAVEN YALL!!!!!




* RB4 - AND NO I AINT TALKING BOUT THE BALTIMORE RAVENS NOR NO RUNNIN' BACK!!!!


--------------/Saved by a (18 year old) Raven

I don’t know now how I can live without you,
being single these past 14 years like acute pangs of hunger,
my only comfort is your circling above me
observing my need, spreading your wings.
The Israel I once knew, fantasies and ideals of romance,
innocence, vulnerability, purity
instilled in me from my Solomonic childhood naivete
has been marauded:
rejection of me and spurning, by Jennifer, Kina, Barbara, Anne, Jane
like savage soldiers of Ahab scouring the land
tracing blood of all those who decry the idolatry of man-eaters.
Like Baal, women who break men’s hearts
Like Asherah girls who callously flirt, feigned sinister smiles. My soul corrupt,
you divided my kingdom of hope with restless nights
the conflict and anguish of feeling unloved and unlovable,
this thirst of not knowing who I really am.
I speak imprecation over my past like a parched land
there shall not be dew nor rain, until my soul learns to love again.

And that’s where I met you,
that meeting at Christlife a soothing stream, harmonious current
rushing over rock. Your eyes like the bank of a river,
so enchanting and so charming I called them Cherith, waters of refreshing
soothing the soul.
And whenever I think of your face, its like Im not hungry
your beauty like timely bread to me, fed from a beak.


----------------1 Kings 17:1-6

And Elijah the Tishbite, who was of the inhabitants of Gilead, said unto Ahab, As the Lord God of Israel liveth, before whom I stand, there shall not be dew nor rain these years, but according to my word. And the word of the Lord came unto him, saying, Get thee hence, and turn thee eastward, and hide thyself by the brook Cherith, that is before Jordan. And it shall be, that thou shalt drink of the brook; and I have commanded the ravens to feed thee there. So he went and did according unto the word of the Lord: for he went and dwelt by the brook Cherith, that is before Jordan. And the ravens brought him bread and flesh in the morning, and bread and flesh in the evening; and he drank of the brook.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

MY LOVE FOR HER, HAS KILLED 85 PRIESTS!!!!!!!!! GOT DANG!!! (what is wrong with me yall???????)


 * RB4*

-------------/This Callous, Unfeeling Tyrannical Love for a Teen (1 Samuel 22)

R**** I remember, distinctly, when you left me,
that flight out of Adullam, cave of a teenager’s secret dignity
eyes set on Moab. I, like this draconian king to be feared,
stark and raving mad. Moab for you was akin
to a man of your approximate age, a towering refuge for your mom and dad,
and all their future husband expectations.
You must forgive me, for I had to know where you’d gone,
using this blog as a spear I had to interrogate all our friends,
upstanding scrupulous Benjamites, defenders of societal norms,
demanding of them knowledge of your soul’s whereabouts,
because at some point I lost sight of your heart.
For some reason,
convention and practicality you treat as priest, Ahimelech
the son of Ahitub, fully loathsome to me; It was he
who gave you Goliath’s sword, the grand moxie
to stand contrarian to a 32 year old man threatening his death-
sobering reminders of the 14 years that divide us-
your absence like deprivation of oxygen,
a withering, horrid, disreputable, ghastly dethroning.    
How can I accept this depravity, this life without you near?
I want to hold your hand in a courtyard, we both,
dreamily gazing at the moon. My passion, Doeg the Edomite
is resolutely rebellious
is firmly entrenched in polemics and sedition of the status quo.
To anyone who proscribes our love, I hurl the edict,
last vestiges of my authority before senility,
becoming an invalid,
“YOU TURN AROUND AND ATTACK THE PRIESTS.”
May my passion for you slaughter all normality and prudence,
those eighty-five men who wore the linen ephod,
standing atop cultural ideals that stymie love,
blood of gossip falling from his sword (my  love poems to you).
His victims hear the last words:
feel the wrath of a King condemned,
a lover forsaken,
Romantic Tyrant smitten by an 18 year old Catholic girl.




-------1 Samuel 22
So David departed from there and escaped to the cave of Adullam; and when his brothers and all his father’s household heard of it, they went down there to him. Everyone who was in distress, and everyone who was in debt, and everyone who was discontented gathered to him; and he became captain over them. Now there were about four hundred men with him.
And David went from there to Mizpah of Moab; and he said to the king of Moab, “Please let my father and my mother come and stay with you until I know what God will do for me.” Then he left them with the king of Moab; and they stayed with him all the time that David was in the stronghold. The prophet Gad said to David, “Do not stay in the stronghold; depart, and go into the land of Judah.” So David departed and went into the forest of Hereth. Then Saul heard that David and the men who were with him had been discovered. Now Saul was sitting in Gibeah, under the tamarisk tree on the height with his spear in his hand, and all his servants were standing around him. Saul said to his servants who stood around him, “Hear now, O Benjamites! Will the son of Jesse also give to all of you fields and vineyards? Will he make you all commanders of thousands and commanders of hundreds?“ For all of you have conspired against me so that there is no one who discloses to me when my son makes a covenant with the son of Jesse, and there is none of you who is sorry for me or discloses to me that my son has stirred up my servant against me to lie in ambush, as it is this day.” Then Doeg the Edomite, who was standing by the servants of Saul, said, “I saw the son of Jesse coming to Nob, to Ahimelech the son of Ahitub.“He inquired of the LORD for him, gave him provisions, and gave him the sword of Goliath the Philistine.” Then the king sent someone to summon Ahimelech the priest, the son of Ahitub, and all his father’s household, the priests who were in Nob; and all of them came to the king. Saul said, “Listen now, son of Ahitub.” And he answered, “Here I am, my lord.”Saul then said to him, “Why have you and the son of Jesse conspired against me, in that you have given him bread and a sword and have inquired of God for him, so that he would rise up against me by lying in ambush as it is this day?” Then Ahimelech answered the king and said, “And who among all your servants is as faithful as David, even the king’s son-in-law, who is captain over your guard, and is honored in your house? “Did I just begin to inquire of God for him today? Far be it from me! Do not let the king impute anything to his servant or to any of the household of my father, for your servant knows nothing at all of this whole affair.” But the king said, “You shall surely die, Ahimelech, you and all your father’s household!” And the king said to the guards who were attending him, “Turn around and put the priests of the LORD to death, because their hand also is with David and because they knew that he was fleeing and did not reveal it to me.” But the servants of the king were not willing to put forth their hands to attack the priests of the LORD. Then the king said to Doeg, “You turn around and attack the priests.” And Doeg the Edomite turned around and attacked the priests, and he killed that day eighty-five men who wore the linen ephod. And he struck Nob the city of the priests with the edge of the sword, both men and women, children and infants; also oxen, donkeys, and sheep he struck with the edge of the sword. But one son of Ahimelech the son of Ahitub, named Abiathar, escaped and fled after David. Abiathar told David that Saul had killed the priests of the LORD. Then David said to Abiathar, “I knew on that day, when Doeg the Edomite was there, that he would surely tell Saul. I have brought about the death of every person in your father’s household. “Stay with me; do not be afraid, for he who seeks my life seeks your life, for you are safe with me.”

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Call Me King Saul, 32 Years Decrepit (and my love 18)

* Dedicated to Alesana, Hand in Hand With The Damned
Dedicated to RB4, and yall know - say it with me - I AINT TALKIN BOUT NO RUNNING BACK!!! 

Guys, I had been waiting to write this poem for SOOOO LONG. But I couldnt muster the strength. I want a woman I cant have. I am the damned.  People say, Tony! Be careful, dont write about girls in such a way that they discover their own identity in your poems. To that, I respond, as I have always responded, I dont care! I have never cared! Except to pour out my heart as a sacrificial offering.....to throw literary spears recklessly, at women I love so much. At a girl I want so bad.....its all I can do not to grieve too much. I have to write this down....its the only time I have to mourn my losses.... [I TOLD YOU GUYS I WAS EMO!!!]



---------------/Call Me King Saul, 32 Years Decrepit

R**** when I first saw you, anointed, at Christlife
(your beautiful eyes, your handsome appearance glistening like anointing oil)
it was like a siphoning, the Spirit of the LORD of beauty, of hope, cascading
on you, after departing from me. A hollow shell of a man
once king of his emotions, hopes and dreams once conspiring
to conquer adversity to romance like exotic lands
like savage drooling barbarians- now disheveled and gone mad. I am 32,
THE EVIL SPIRIT OF AGING IS TERRORIZING ME
THE EVIL SPIRIT OF AGING IS TERRORIZING ME
still single, but you, a ruddy Bethlehemite of only 18:
So full of life and skilled music, your voice like harmonious balm to my loneliness
looking at your pics on Facebook, melodic euphoria.
I see you as this valorous woman, prudent in speech and strong in her faith
 a future queen riding a donkey of cool practicality,
in her hands only bread of humility and a jug of wine of her charm,
bathed in the praises of the kingdom of lovers’ reciprocation.
And the fantasies I have of us together, one day kissing, one day marrying
are sweet, but ephemeral metaphors for you visiting me
though only to play on a harp.
Assuaging my grief, repelling the demon spirits of despair.
In truth, I dread you, a coup,
everything I want, everything I cant have destined to succeed me,
to tear down the throne of every dream I have ever known
for our fate, it seems, is not to coexist. I cant have you,
but I want you, regrettably
the throne of happiness is not to be shared.
(you can sit since my time on it has expired)
Forgive me if I throw these verbal spears of forlornness
recklessly, weaponry of the damned trying to pin this guilt and regret.
I am just an old raving forsaken king. Cursed
for being born 14 years too late.

  



--------------1 Samuel 16:12-23
So he sent and brought him in. Now he was ruddy, with beautiful eyes and a handsome appearance. And the LORD said, “Arise, anoint him; for this is he.” Then Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the midst of his brothers; and the Spirit of the LORD came mightily upon David from that day forward. And Samuel arose and went to Ramah. Now the Spirit of the LORD departed from Saul, and an evil spirit from the LORD terrorized him. Saul’s servants then said to him, “Behold now, an evil spirit from God is terrorizing you.“ Let our lord now command your servants who are before you. Let them seek a man who is a skillful player on the harp; and it shall come about when the evil spirit from God is on you, that he shall play the harp with his hand, and you will be well.” So Saul said to his servants, “Provide for me now a man who can play well and bring him to me.” Then one of the young men said, “Behold, I have seen a son of Jesse the Bethlehemite who is a skillful musician, a mighty man of valor, a warrior, one prudent in speech, and a handsome man; and the LORD is with him.” So Saul sent messengers to Jesse and said, “Send me your son David who is with the flock.” Jesse took a donkey loaded with bread and a jug of wine and a young goat, and sent them to Saul by David his son. Then David came to Saul and attended him; and Saul loved him greatly, and he became his armor bearer.Saul sent to Jesse, saying, “Let David now stand before me, for he has found favor in my sight.” So it came about whenever the evil spirit from God came to Saul, David would take the harp and play it with his hand; and Saul would be refreshed and be well, and the evil spirit would depart from him.

1 Samuel 18:10-11, 15-16
Now it came about on the next day that an evil spirit from God came mightily upon Saul, and he raved in the midst of the house, while David was playing the harp with his hand, as usual; and a spear was in Saul’s hand. Saul hurled the spear for he thought, “I will pin David to the wall.” But David escaped from his presence twice….When Saul saw that he was prospering greatly, he dreaded him. But all Israel and Judah loved David, and he went out and came in before them.

--- Hand in Hand With the Damned Lyrics

I don't trust myself
I'm trapped drowning in despair, (I'm poisonous)
I slammed the door and locked it shut and now disaster plagues my thoughts.
Let's drink to the dead, (I'm poisonous)
Cheers to what's ahead!

Sweet temptress!
I can see it in your eyes,
You're moving on without me!
(So it ends tonight)
I guess this is goodbye!
Selfishly you say you're better off without me.
(And it ends tonight)
Well baby save your breath.

Won't you please have mercy?
Before you push me away let me try to change your mind.
Oh wanderer!
If you think this is fun just you wait until I'm done!

Blessed fortune screams "Why have you forsaken me?"
(There's no escape) I never should have lost my way.
And now I'm stranded out at sea chasing a lie
(There's no escape) I'm losing the sky.

Sweet temptress!
I can see it in your eyes,
You're moving on without me!
(So it ends tonight)
I guess this is goodbye!
Selfishly you say you're better off without me.
(And it ends tonight)
Well baby save your breath.

Imprisoned soul seized in the chamber of feculent horror.
Suffer all you must but suffer silently.
Still your cursed tongue, stay your blighted abandon.
In your eternal death you hunger for rotten mire.
For in your mortal life it was this which was your gift to man.
Prepare to walk hand in hand with the damned.
God can't help you and angels won't save you!
Your unrequited prayers will be in bane of your existence!
Prepare to walk hand in hand with the damned! [x3]

I am poisonous!
Is there a way for me to say that you should stay?
I need to know you'll miss me when I'm gone.
I'll cherish you until the day I die!
A twisted way to make you mine!

I can see it in your eyes,
You're moving on without me.
(So it ends tonight)
I guess this is goodbye!
Selfishly you say you're better off without me.
(And it ends tonight)
Well baby save your breath.

Won't you please have mercy?
Before you push me away let me try to change your mind.
Oh wanderer!
If you think this is fun just wait until I'm done!