Rebecca,
Where do I begin? It is fitting that after all these years, you being the inspiration, thrust, and exuberance of my faith in Jesus, that God in His Mercy would send you to me as a sort of final encouragement to lift my sprits from the glut of depression and guilt over my recent sins and propel me to complete the calling and ministry He intended for me to fulfill before the world was created. [You see, I wish to sustain believers and lead thirsty souls to Christ too.] You have been, are, and will be the joy, the compassion, the beauty, the loyalty, the devotion to Abba Father from which I derive hope (since the earliest days of my faith). Your songs are my worship language before the Blessed Trinity, your faith lived in full genuineness is my template for being a favored child of God, your charity, chastity, and consistency are vouchsafes from my beloved sister in Christ meant to illuminate my faith in the valley of the shadow of death. Rebecca, I love you – not in some tawdry, salacious way but in the most self deprecating, humble sense – I don't know what I would do, or who I would be if you hadn’t existed and obediently followed Christ's call. So I am not misconstrued, this is not a celebratory missive touting my superlatives that are derivative from you. I do not stand before you proclaiming flawlessness; on the contrary, it is because of my wretchedness that I come crawling before God listening to your songs about brokenness, loving God, being vulnerable before God, celebrating His Goodness. For it is because you have lived such a sterling Christian life and left behind such a magnanimous Christian example that I have been moved to do the same, and give up my lawlessness and lustfulness and selfishness and idolatry. Just the sound of your voice liberates my soul from prison like the shadow of Peter healed destitute souls. In your absence, I would not love God with such fervor; the fire of my passion for ministry would just be a simple diminutive flickering flame without your largesse. Rebecca, I might have been apostate if it weren't for you, distant from God, aloof from His Truth, and indifferent to worship – I certainly wouldn’t have written my blog if it weren't for you. My greatest triumphs in faith are partially yours, and my greatest failures are mine, but because of you not for long. I have not come here to worship you or idolize you, rather I want to recognize and pay homage to the power that a godly woman can have on a man who wishes to be godly like she is. I remember years ago, in college worshipping God alone in my church’s prayer room with a CD player and your Pray, Transform and first worship CD with my spirit rising to the third heaven it seemed, in pure joyful ecstasy. I remember years ago seeing you in concert in Delaware and then years later seeing you in Pennsylvania filled with giddiness, zeal, and hey, I'll admit it, a HUGE crush! But yet, providentially I always revered you in a special way, reminiscent of the respect reserved for Catholic saints, or the way that people speak anecdotally of other people serving as their "angels." And these were the best times, Rebecca, honestly. I feel like when I see you, hear your songs, or think about your stunning accomplishments that time stops and God becomes a bit more tangible, a bit less opaque, you know? That God would use someone so real, so relatable, so kind speaks volumes about the type of God that Yahweh is. He is not some dictator, or draconian taskmaster anxiously waiting to beat someone with a rod.....no, like he told Moses , He is "slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation." He is a God who wishes to communicate His attributes through a graceful, pretty and creative and wonderful godly woman such as yourself. So in full disclosure it is because of you that I often times bowed down at the mercy seat of God just to inquire about His Nature, full of boldness and seeking creative license to minister to others like you. It has been so long, almost an eternity Rebecca since I last saw you, worshipped the way I used to worship with your CDs, yet when I saw you Saturday it was as if no time had passed at all. In an instant, God raised to life my old self, like Lazarus, and all the torpor caused by beating myself up over my sins vanished. I guess you could say that my faith life has had its peaks and valleys since I last saw you. But I feel that God predestined us to meet again so that I could resurrect these old pious desires and exorcise the demons of temptation and backsliding once for all. Thank you. Thank you for once again giving me new life in Christ, and I thank Christ once again for giving me new life in you. Your spirit has been God's most precious gift to me, and not only, but also to the Christian community writ large, as evinced by your numerous awards and albums.
Congratulations on your marriage, your newfound aspiration to do films and work to preserve the sanctity of life, saving babies from potential abortion. I guess all of this is appropriate since you have always been the model for all future wives to follow, the superstar of Christian circles, and improved the quality of life for all humanity by lifting up high for all to see the sanctity of Christ's life. I cant say this forcibly enough: thank you, I love you. Thank you for saving my life from the depths of depravity, thanks for the encouragement to seek Christ, thanks for giving me the moxy and resolve to stay sexually pure (at least physically) for my wife one day, yet I also thank you for eliciting godly shame for not staying pure emotionally and spiritually. How could I look you or any other Christian woman in the eyes after habitually lusting after untoward things?
Thank you for the inspiration to write, whether my writings are always received well or not. My intention is never to degrade but only to spark curiosity, and devotion to Jesus.
So lets see, if you were to ask.....my favorite songs are: Come Quickly, Lest I Forget, Omega, and Better is One Day! Anyway, I could go on forever here but suffice it to say my life has been forever changed because of you. All Glory to God because of you. You are my angel, my saint, my ethos....I owe you everything because without you I would have fallen into Satan's arms.
I guess what Im really trying to say is that I admire you, and I want to be just like you, Rebecca.
And ever since I found out about you, I always have. I look up to you.
I probably wont ever see you again, but trust me, you will always be in my thoughts. I cant thank you enough for all youve done.
Your brother in Christ -I love you Sis,
Tony
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