On the Sabbath I Call Out to Lauren London

*Dedicated to Ol*a

Luke 13:10-13
On a Sabbath Jesus was teaching in one of the synagogues, and a woman was there who had been crippled by a spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over and could not straighten up at all. When Jesus saw her, he called her forward and said to her, "Woman, you are set free from your infirmity." Then he put his hands on her, and immediately she straightened up and praised God.
--------------------------------------------][Lauren London, heal me. please...(The thoughts of the woman healed by Jesus on the Sabbath)]




Lauren,
my heart has been blown away by the wind
since you left
At night I am curled in a fetal position gasping
for breath, begging
for life. for nourishment (from above) for nurturing and the will power
to withstand the daunting weight of this baleful solitude
your memory is like my back hunched from prolonged moping
permanently
it weighs down on my conscience like the death of my dreams
of a happy life together with you
of children and our first kiss at our wedding
musing at your dark brown eyes
(gently) brushing my fingers across your smooth almond skin
full of nervous anxiety.
....I am crippled by the void of your presence


Its been 18 years since Ive picked up a mirror
or put a spoon to my mouth
due to grief
only eating food that thieves drop from their hands
using my decrepit fingers
shaking
or drinking from worn cups of the poverty stricken
who lay down in dirt
I cant even sit at tables anymore...it hurts too much
running feels like a knife wound.
Jumping is giving up the ghost
walking is my only resort but it feels like straining...
I barely have the desire to face forward anymore
I just fasten my eyes on my feet and move wherever
my emaciated soul leads

Lauren, I am nothing without you
I plead with you constantly in my exhausted sleep
to call out my name: TONY!!!!
"you are set free from your infirmity!!!"
place your hands on my back by loving me
this is the 11th hour
I sit by my synagogue door of fate
this is my Sabbath, life has become a Sabbath
bent over
waiting



[your love will immediately straighten me up and I will praise God.]

(Baby, please love me. Please I need someone to love me. Lauren London, heal me. Save me. Amen.)