Memoirs of a Slave Girl

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---------------------/Memoirs of a Slave Girl; Thoughts of the Slave Girl of the High Priest Standing Before Peter

"The rumors are
you talk with the King of the Universe
somehow clothed in our flesh,
that the God who fashioned stars dines with fisherman-
dust molded into clay then clothed in rancid rags
reeking of musty docks-
fishing a meal for the One who gave all fish life.
(And you completely oblivious to the irony)
Crowds murmur, they attest you walked on water,
like Him,
the sea transmuted into dry ground,
and together multiplied a few pieces of bread for them
into thousands of loaves
like Elijah back from the dead
and Elisha carrying the back of his mantel to stop the fraying. 
Yet when I look into your eyes I see a soul quivering
-unlike Elisha- portending a holocaust of some sort,
the terror of uncertainty, fidgeting fingers
nerves so tense you spasm to the tune of cracking wood
face glistening in the bonfire, a hypocrite’s baptism,
pretending to warm your hands while everyone stares at you
in sheer amazement.
Your shadow cast by the fire belies your presence,
whilst you stand pat it seems to flee, receding more and more
with each of your denials.
 I have seen a thousand moons it seems, but never one so bright
or crying with foreboding;
when I look up into its reflection, the night’s
shimmering white lake of fantasy, as I suppose,
I am seeing a man’s heart lanced, the sky pouring down bloody rain.
Are you sure you don’t know this man called 'Jesus?'
it would seem 
He needs you now more than ever."


--------------Mark 14:62-68
And Jesus said, I am: and ye shall see the Son of man sitting on the right hand of power, and coming in the clouds of heaven. Then the high priest rent his clothes, and saith, What need we any further witnesses? Ye have heard the blasphemy: what think ye? And they all condemned him to be guilty of death. And some began to spit on him, and to cover his face, and to buffet him, and to say unto him, Prophesy: and the servants did strike him with the palms of their hands.And as Peter was beneath in the palace, there cometh one of the maids of the high priest: And when she saw Peter warming himself, she looked upon him, and said, And thou also wast with Jesus of Nazareth. But he denied, saying, I know not, neither understand I what thou sayest. And he went out into the porch; and the cock crew.

My Future Wife - The Hope of the Smell of Tree Bark

* dedicated to St Paul
* dedicated to my future wife…


I had this thought the other day whilst departing from the adoration chapel at Saint John Neumann Catholic church in Gaithersburg Maryland, my nose recognizing a strong scent of burning wood: “MY WIFE REMINDS ME OF TREE BARK!!!!”….now you may be wondering..WTF??? (that’s what the freak Pope Francis, I promise!!!) …Well guys, let me explain. St Paul, pray for me.


-------------------/Paul; My Future Wife Smells Like Tree Bark

One day, I suppose, we all want our hearts
to sail towards, and land on Malta,
island of solace;
moratorium from winds and pernicious waves of dejection
that threaten shipwreck. There, like a hodgepodge of grizzled men,
as exotic and dazzling as strange and off-putting
wild hairs, missing teeth, big noses, waywardly placed tribal jewelry
(making martyrs out of lips and ears)
our erstwhile memories of dating sit and have discourse,
probably under the spells of strong drink
cursing horrid lovers of the past like
tossing sticks and sand in a bonfire of consignment
in honor of new beginnings-
their names our ashes, their memories smoke rising into ether
the scars they gave us lost at sea. Like spitting in it. 
 And I swear loneliness is a viper dangling,
getting older and failing to meet new girls like slithering
venomous fears of being unwanted, sharp fangs latching,
lunging at me when I presume to settle on peace
the pain piercing, drawing blood from my hands.  
Yet whenever I get bit I think of you,
the vivid expression of joy in your brilliant eyes
when we first meet
the palpitations of my heart my inner spirit singing praise,
I shake off notions of the unmarried as a snake in flames.
My faith in us,
like an Apostle called forth by the Lord heralding Gospel:
(the good news that we are destined for each other no matter what),
sitting on an old log next to old memories befuddled
that that serpent of pessimism didn’t kill him
but only made him stronger…
smelling the sweet savor of the wood before him
burning with future passion.


-----------------Acts 28:1-6
Now when they had escaped, they then found out that the island was called Malta.  And the natives showed us unusual kindness; for they kindled a fire and made us all welcome, because of the rain that was falling and because of the cold.  But when Paul had gathered a bundle of sticks and laid them on the fire, a viper came out because of the heat, and fastened on his hand.  So when the natives saw the creature hanging from his hand, they said to one another, “No doubt this man is a murderer, whom, though he has escaped the sea, yet justice does not allow to live.”  But he shook off the creature into the fire and suffered no harm.  However, they were expecting that he would swell up or suddenly fall down dead. But after they had looked for a long time and saw no harm come to him, they changed their minds and said that he was a god.

My Beautiful African Deluge: OH LUPITA!!!!!

* dedicated to Lupita Nyong’o

Genesis 6:8 But Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord.


----------------/My Beautiful African Deluge

This forlorn loneliness is like dry dust of a wicked earth,
brittle cracking ground.
The litany of girls who rejected my advances before harangue me to no end
countrymen crude and crass- jeering, mocking
my entertaining ideas of requited affections, of girls who like me back,
and that I would build an Ark of Dreaming out of gopherwood
preoccupied with love: to them a notion inconceivable like rain.
But Lupita, baby, when I saw you win your Oscar,
that celestial smile beaming, that fetching speech so melodic,
like an angel from Eden celebrated amongst his heavenly peers
its like I heard the voice of God within so comforting–
soon all my pain would be washed away….
(like in my dreams). I didn’t care, then, about disparagement
from my wicked neighbors; only that I safeguard my hopes
from the mass slaughter to come. Two by two, a male with his female
archetype for our shared passion,
I led my devotion to you, my fondness for you
my zeal for us together – divers animals, birds and creeping things
of every kind
to the boat of my wildest fantasies built long ago
three hundred by fifty cubits, three decks deep of longing
with especially you in mind.
Oh Lupita your beauty is like the windows of heaven opened
waters gushing forth from the deep.
Let our romance be like 40 days and 40 nights of a persistent
incessant flooding,
all the old ways, all the old pains-
like regrettable people created then later wiped away,
expunged from memory. All women who hurt my heart,
may you stick your hands out for help
as my kisses for Lupita are tantamount to a downpour for you;
like drowning to you;
your lifeless bodies floating away,
the ship sealed, my new love life sailing towards Mount Ararat.
When I look into her eyes,
I see the promise of my better tomorrow,
Lupita Nyong’o,  polychromatic rainbow of my world reconstituted.


[LUPITA!!!! HOLLA AT YOUR BOY!!! THEJESUSMETAPHOR@YAHOO.COM. LET US DATE!!! AND THEN REPOPULATE THE WORLD!!!....WITH THOUGHTS OF LOVE AND JOY AND PEACE OF COURSE!!! :) ]



----------Genesis 6:13-22
And God said to Noah, “The end of all flesh has come before Me, for the earth is filled with violence through them; and behold, I will destroy them with the earth.  Make yourself an ark of gopherwood; make rooms in the ark, and cover it inside and outside with pitch.  And this is how you shall make it: The length of the ark shall be three hundred cubits, its width fifty cubits, and its height thirty cubits.  You shall make a window for the ark, and you shall finish it to a cubit from above; and set the door of the ark in its side. You shall make it with lower, second, and third decks.  And behold, I Myself am bringing floodwaters on the earth, to destroy from under heaven all flesh in which is the breath of life; everything that is on the earth shall die.  But I will establish My covenant with you; and you shall go into the ark—you, your sons, your wife, and your sons’ wives with you.  And of every living thing of all flesh you shall bring two of every sort into the ark, to keep them alive with you; they shall be male and female.  Of the birds after their kind, of animals after their kind, and of every creeping thing of the earth after its kind, two of every kind will come to you to keep them alive.  And you shall take for yourself of all food that is eaten, and you shall gather it to yourself; and it shall be food for you and for them.”
Thus Noah did; according to all that God commanded him, so he did.

Saul - dedicated to CSLewis....not really him...(thats just codespeak for my girl yo!)

* dedicated to The Dangerous Summer, Catholic Girls
http://youtu.be/nRodn6_IcNU
* dedicated to Brand New, Soco Amaretto Lime
http://youtu.be/5hhJKhFQEHE

A quick, and dolorous, open letter to my female teenage heartthrob (she’s over 18, police officers!!!! Its ok sheriff!!!): I guess I don’t know how to let go of this fanciful paradigm that age is a secondary or even tertiary concern and that what’s most pertinent is this kinetic spark of attraction I feel between us…that I felt when we first met and I didn’t know your age. Alas, I must bury your memory and never again try to conjure it up. Goodbye. If only I wasn’t born when I was born, or vice versa. Goodbye, my love of miserable inopportunity.  You would have been my balm for all the hags that have been rejecting me all these years, crushing my heart.

----------------/Saul

I dreamed about you yesterday, like a chalice of sweet wine,
served in the King’s palace in Israel,
we were gazing one upon the other quixotically…at first.
Reaching across the table, I put my hand under your chin
a gesture, tender and gentle, to my betrothed
seeking for subliminal cues of reciprocity,
my other hand strewn across your forearm
as candles danced beneath my ever shortening breaths,
flames in tribal dance
heart suspended in anticipation of a Queen. 
Your response…”Shunem” bemused me, icy stare
cold eyes portending a Philistine nightmare startled me
jolting me
from sleep with a palpitating heart, bed drenched in sweat
of the spurned, sheets and pillows whispering memories
of all my previous failed loves, singing to me of the damned;
their melodies diminishing as my consciousness regained.
Hooves of prudish horses stampeding,
clanging of chainmail of practicality against swords of status quo
threaten a siege,
brigades of societal acceptances and norms,  
like the howling and caterwauling of soldiers beset with bloodlust
gossip generals goading murder
jeering arrows in a quiver
intent on brutal slaughter and dismemberment
of a 33 year old man’s love for a 19 year old girl – out the back window
flipping on my feet, mounting my stubbornness like a steed fleeing in terror
(frightful of a future of us apart)
surreptitiously I snuck - cloak of shame, dagger of defensiveness-
to Endor: hermitage of fleeting hopes for the duly ostracized. 
I should have killed my attraction for you, King of Amalek, long ago,
despicable ruler yet inherently glorious,
(décolletage like many sheep, many rubies)
Yet I let it stick around due to your beauty overwhelming
and an addictive smile
despite your sin of being born in 1995.
This is what the witch of my conviction, medium of harsh truth, spoke –
conjuring up my sublimated guilt like Samuel,
God’s prophet buried in irrelevancy long ago, senescent ghost of a past life
sternly rebuking me with his last dying gasps.
I had hoped he would abnegate the obvious condemnation
levied on our prospects of marrying,
but our 14 year age gap an insurmountable adversary
the inescapable Philistines, riders of death, savages
will kill me before the morning
and my expectations for romance, like sons born to me,
beheaded, burned and put in graves next to mine.

------------1 Samuel 28:3-23
Now Samuel had died, and all Israel had lamented for him and buried him in Ramah, in his own city. And Saul had put the mediums and the spiritists out of the land. Then the Philistines gathered together, and came and encamped at Shunem. So Saul gathered all Israel together, and they encamped at Gilboa.  When Saul saw the army of the Philistines, he was afraid, and his heart trembled greatly.  And when Saul inquired of the Lord, the Lord did not answer him, either by dreams or by Urim or by the prophets. Then Saul said to his servants, “Find me a woman who is a medium, that I may go to her and inquire of her.” And his servants said to him, “In fact, there is a woman who is a medium at En Dor.” So Saul disguised himself and put on other clothes, and he went, and two men with him; and they came to the woman by night. And he said, “Please conduct a séance for me, and bring up for me the one I shall name to you.” Then the woman said to him, “Look, you know what Saul has done, how he has cut off the mediums and the spiritists from the land. Why then do you lay a snare for my life, to cause me to die?” And Saul swore to her by the Lord, saying, “As the Lord lives, no punishment shall come upon you for this thing.” Then the woman said, “Whom shall I bring up for you?” And he said, “Bring up Samuel for me.” When the woman saw Samuel, she cried out with a loud voice. And the woman spoke to Saul, saying, “Why have you deceived me? For you are Saul!” And the king said to her, “Do not be afraid. What did you see?” And the woman said to Saul, “I saw a spirit ascending out of the earth.” So he said to her, “What is his form?” And she said, “An old man is coming up, and he is covered with a mantle.” And Saul perceived that it was Samuel, and he stooped with his face to the ground and bowed down. Now Samuel said to Saul, “Why have you disturbed me by bringing me up?” And Saul answered, “I am deeply distressed; for the Philistines make war against me, and God has departed from me and does not answer me anymore, neither by prophets nor by dreams. Therefore I have called you, that you may reveal to me what I should do.” Then Samuel said: “So why do you ask me, seeing the Lord has departed from you and has become your enemy?  And the Lord has done for Himself as He spoke by me. For the Lord has torn the kingdom out of your hand and given it to your neighbor, David.  Because you did not obey the voice of the Lord nor execute His fierce wrath upon Amalek, therefore the Lord has done this thing to you this day.  Moreover the Lord will also deliver Israel with you into the hand of the Philistines. And tomorrow you and your sons will be with me. The Lord will also deliver the army of Israel into the hand of the Philistines.” Immediately Saul fell full length on the ground, and was dreadfully afraid because of the words of Samuel. And there was no strength in him, for he had eaten no food all day or all night. And the woman came to Saul and saw that he was severely troubled, and said to him, “Look, your maidservant has obeyed your voice, and I have put my life in my hands and heeded the words which you spoke to me.  Now therefore, please, heed also the voice of your maidservant, and let me set a piece of bread before you; and eat, that you may have strength when you go on your way.” But he refused and said, “I will not eat.”

 -----Catholic Girls Lyrics

Even with the walls around me,
 I'll always miss the place where
 I grew up.
 It made us tough.

 Simple love and wealthy families;
 suicides of kids that died too young.
 It broke us up.

 And I remember laughing
 when we caught up;
 asking if that was still a part of me.
 It's still a part of me.
 At night we used to drive
 until we couldn't.
 All that we wanted
 was some company,
 and it was comforting.

We'll all carry on into the world.

 Innocence was hard to stand by,
 even with those catholic girls we loved;
 when they gave it up.
 Life goes on.

But I remember laughing
 when we caught up;
 asking if that was still a part of me.
 It's still a part of me.
 At night we used to drive
 until we couldn't.
 All that we wanted
 was some company,
 and it was comforting.

Visit with the Virden family;
 Step inside the house I first felt love.
 I earned that cut.
 And Loriann I know you're out there
 watching us continue to grow up.
 You gave too much.
 Your life goes on.
 And I remember laughing
 when we caught up;
 asking if that was still a part of me.
 It's still a part of me.
 At night we used to drive
 until we couldn't.
 All that we wanted
 was some company,
 and it was comforting.

 At night we used to drive
 until we couldn't.
 All that we wanted
 was some company.

--------------Soco Amaretto Lime Lyrics

Passed out on the overpass
 Sunday best and broken glass
 Broken down from the bikes and bars
 Suspended like spirits over speeding cars
 You and me were kings over the parkway tonight
 And tonight will go on forever while we
 walk around this town like we own the streets
 and stay awake through summer like we own the heat
 Singing "everybody wake up (wake up) it's time to get down"
 (everybody, everybody wake up its time to get down)
 And when I pass the bottle back to Pete
 on the overpass tonight, I bet we laugh
 I'm gonna stay eighteen forever (cut me open)
 So we can stay like this forever (sun poisoned)
 And we'll never miss a party (this offer...)
 cause we keep them going constantly (...stands forever)
 And we'll never have to listen (new haircut)
 to anyone about anything (new bracelet)
 cause it's all been done and it's all been said (eyeliner)
 we're the coolest kids and we take what we can get

The hell out of this town
 Find some conversation
 The low fuel lights been on for days
 It doesn't mean anything
 I've got another 500, 'nother 500 miles
 before we shut this engine down,
 we shut it down

I'm gonna stay eighteen forever (cut me open)
 So we can stay like this forever (sun poisoned)
 And we'll never miss a party (this offer...)
 cause we keep them going constantly (...stands forever)
 And we'll never have to listen (new haircut)
 to anyone about anything (new bracelet)
 cause it's all been done and it's all been said (eyeliner)
 we're the coolest kids and we take what we can get (wait forever)

(you're just jealous cause I'm young and in love)
 Eighteen forever (first kisses)
 (your stomach's filled up but you're starved for conversation)
 So we can stay like this forever (new stitches)
 (you're spending all your nights growing old in your bed)
 And we'll never miss a party (collar weekend)
 (and your tearin up your photos cause you wanna forget... it's over)
 cause we keep them going constantly (appearance ticket)
 (you're just jealous cause I'm young and in love)
 And we'll never have to listen (November to...)
 (your stomach's filled up but you're starved for conversation)
 to anyone about anything cause it's all been done (...remember)
 (you're spending all your nights growing old in your bed)
 and it's all been said (nightswimmers)
 (and your tearin up your photos cause you wanna forget... it's over)
 we're the coolest kids and we take what we can get

Just jealous cause we're young and in love
 You're just jealous cause we're young and in love
 You're just jealous cause we're young and in love
 You're just jealous cause we're young and in love
 You're just jealous cause we're young and in love
 You're just jealous... [turntable scratch]