I can never have you can I? I CAN NEVER HAVE YOU CAN I????
Why did I meet you then? WHY DID I MEET YOU THEN? WHY DID I MEET YOU… JUST TO
ACQUAINT MYSELF WITH THE DEATH OF ALL OUR POSSIBILITIES OF BEING TOGETHER? This
scar will never heal. I will always miss
you, because you are forever gone, like a ghost….
*Saint Paul, pray for me
* dedicated to My Chemical Romance, The Ghost of You
---------------/Ephesian Ghosts In Maryland, 2013
I met you as an Ephesian first, besotted and beholden,
like one looking for the Christ, hoping you would remedy
my heart’s discontent, the balm of your blue eyes.
My doubts, Pharisaical Jews, stalked and chased you
initially
yet your charm steadfast, fearless, your pretty face a miracle
vis-à-vis a murderer knocked off his horse blind
yet three days later he inexplicably sees the world brand
new
casting out demons of his former life, raising the dead.
There was no reason to run, no excuse to despise you
so I followed you wholeheartedly, disarmed, gullible
as you converted Gentiles of my cynical positions on love
(discourse in the temple of Artemis)
on Christian white girls genuinely liking me,
soul mates at a glance,
into willing martyrs for an honorable cause: marrying you.
These three months like three years, laboring to smite,
serving, preaching to soften my soul,
three months like three years of bliss…taken away.
But you are setting sail aren’t you? (Must you?)
Jerusalem is a celestial city for angelic girls like you,
girls your age. A place far distant from guys like me,
guys my age rotting in Ephesus.
My sighs will be the wind blowing on your mast
my tears the equivocating waves
that alternately push forward then pull you back.
My episodic grief, every time I view your Facebook page
it feels like weeping sore and falling on your neck,
because I know I will see your face no more.
[you are never coming home never coming home..]
------Acts 20:15-38
And we sailed thence, and came the next day over against
Chios; and the next day we arrived at Samos, and tarried at Trogyllium; and the
next day we came to Miletus. For Paul had determined to sail by Ephesus,
because he would not spend the time in Asia: for he hasted, if it were possible
for him, to be at Jerusalem the day of Pentecost. And from Miletus he sent to
Ephesus, and called the elders of the church. And when they were come to him,
he said unto them, Ye know, from the first day that I came into Asia, after
what manner I have been with you at all seasons, Serving the Lord with all
humility of mind, and with many tears, and temptations, which befell me by the
lying in wait of the Jews: And how I kept back nothing that was profitable unto
you, but have shewed you, and have taught you publicly, and from house to house,
Testifying both to the Jews, and also to the Greeks, repentance toward God, and
faith toward our Lord Jesus Christ. And now, behold, I go bound in the spirit
unto Jerusalem, not knowing the things that shall befall me there: Save that
the Holy Ghost witnesseth in every city, saying that bonds and afflictions
abide me. But none of these things move me, neither count I my life dear unto
myself, so that I might finish my course with joy, and the ministry, which I
have received of the Lord Jesus, to testify the gospel of the grace of God. And
now, behold, I know that ye all, among whom I have gone preaching the kingdom
of God, shall see my face no more. Wherefore I take you to record this day,
that I am pure from the blood of all men. For I have not shunned to declare unto
you all the counsel of God. Take heed therefore unto yourselves, and to all the
flock, over the which the Holy Ghost hath made you overseers, to feed the
church of God, which he hath purchased with his own blood. For I know this,
that after my departing shall grievous wolves enter in among you, not sparing
the flock. Also of your own selves shall men arise, speaking perverse things,
to draw away disciples after them. Therefore watch, and remember, that by the
space of three years I ceased not to warn every one night and day with tears. And
now, brethren, I commend you to God, and to the word of his grace, which is
able to build you up, and to give you an inheritance among all them which are
sanctified. I have coveted no man's silver, or gold, or apparel. Yea, ye
yourselves know, that these hands have ministered unto my necessities, and to
them that were with me. I have shewed you all things, how that so labouring ye
ought to support the weak, and to remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he
said, It is more blessed to give than to receive. And when he had thus spoken,
he kneeled down, and prayed with them all. And they all wept sore, and fell on
Paul's neck, and kissed him, Sorrowing most of all for the words which he
spake, that they should see his face no more. And they accompanied him unto the
ship
--The Ghost of You Lyrics
"The Ghost Of You"
I never said I'd lie and wait forever
If I died, we'd be together
I can't always just forget her
But she could try
At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are never ever...
Ever...
Get the feeling that you're never
All alone and I remember now
At the top of my lungs in my arms she dies
She dies
At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me
If I fall
If I fall (down)
At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna...
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