Saving Sincerity

[John 1:47] Jesus saw Nathanael coming to him, and saith of him, Behold an Israelite indeed, in whom is no guile!

----------------------/Saving Sincerity: Jesus' Thoughts Before Greeting Nathaniel


We used to sit on docks and dissect the Roman senate
positing better, Jewish ideas
for an empire
fantasizing about the redolent incense pouring
out the temple of Diana
wondrous of the ceremonious spectacle
our feet submerged in the Galilean Sea
and scoffing at the spineless compromise of Sadducees
disingenuously currying favor with Caesar
skipping rocks
you pining about the perceived wiles of matrimony
(belied by your strong desire for it)
me privy to a greater sense of wholeness
friends nonetheless
fellowshipping often until dusk and the rise of the moon
bid us home to our parents before their angst
grew to a din

Steadfastly studious in the synagogues
never shy to say a thought your mind channeled
perennial invitations sent summoning others to your heart's
soliloquies
withholding no good sentiment from anyone
and I always appreciated this genuineness
highly influential to my Spirit, even today
amidst the corruption of man
sinister mores and evil approbations
those hypocritical duplicitous snakes
and those so pained that they concoct vendetta
swords readily drawn to commit murder
at every pleasantry exchanged
forever guarded
forever cynical
never vulnerable or willing to reckon
chronically obscured

And they say aging makes the world grimmer
but those that live forever clasp tightly to their youth
and their buoyancy
so my most frequented refuge is those moments
we spent watching others fish (sometimes futilely)
and loving each other truly
these were foundational pillars to a Messiah
always setting his aim on frankness
holding hands with you
running from deceit

(and guile)

Jairus

he had an only daughter about twelve years of age, and she was dying

-----------/Jairus


The twilight of adolescence
burial of girl
predawn of woman, breaking day of grace and etiquette
pride in proper decorum, sly coquetry (and a concomitant
father's slight consternation – though she reminds him
of himself in a peculiar way; jocular)
a slender outstretched arm
whisked away (slowly, as slowly as possible) to her groom
a mosaic patchwork of crying and smiling
dazzling beauty, heart arresting sex appeal bemusement
that she is the seed of my body, lowly and unremarkable
as I am
that a cruel new moon interrupts: death
time regressing. Night starless. Wolves growling. At her fate.
I am the slave, she was to be the master, I the pot of human dung
she the rose, her mother the water; absolution
for all my monstrous mischievous malfeasance – the better
portrait of my family name, that Hades attempts wresting from my hands
too soon
too soon
What prayers? What laws? What solemnity at what feast?
Brazen Balderdash – we just jujune jews jailed
by a façade of mighty pretentiousness
powerless to help my own princess, ineptitude and inability to stand strong
during her last words "Dad, I hear the clarion cock
crowing concerning a new day at hand: Jesus....savior of man's ills,
balm for our folly; (my) hallowed happy hope"
followed by incessant coughing
My knees trembling more than my arms:
face at your feet
In tragedy loquacious men are of few words, notwithstanding
your presence sublime
in your voice, even though garbled amidst the uproarious mob
pleading for sense and sanity and sensibility during the maelstrom
of miracles (perceived or believed)
I hear heaven pure and unadulterated, pitch of angels.
I just beg you please don’t lapse. Please see the last kiss I place
on her forehead before the pallbearers take her away
and bury every last dream and inspiration I have ever had into the ground
midnight
she is my only pulse in a rapidly cracking heart, twelve and dying
when you say she is only sleeping
I hope beyond all measure you mean sunrise and high noon
sunrise and high noon
sunrise and high noon again
sunrise and high noon
again

(that my baby will wake up; banishing baneful this darkness)



"Do not weep; she is not dead, but sleeping."

---------Luke 8:40-56
So it was, when Jesus returned, that the multitude welcomed Him, for they were all waiting for Him. And behold, there came a man named Jairus, and he was a ruler of the synagogue. And he fell down at Jesus’ feet and begged Him to come to his house, for he had an only daughter about twelve years of age, and she was dying. But as He went, the multitudes thronged Him. Now a woman, having a flow of blood for twelve years, who had spent all her livelihood on physicians and could not be healed by any, came from behind and touched the border of His garment. And immediately her flow of blood stopped. And Jesus said, "Who touched Me?"
When all denied it, Peter and those with him said, "Master, the multitudes throng and press You, and You say, 'Who touched Me?'" But Jesus said, "Somebody touched Me, for I perceived power going out from Me." Now when the woman saw that she was not hidden, she came trembling; and falling down before Him, she declared to Him in the presence of all the people the reason she had touched Him and how she was healed immediately. And He said to her, "Daughter, be of good cheer; your faith has made you well. Go in peace." While He was still speaking, someone came from the ruler of the synagogue's house, saying to him, “Your daughter is dead. Do not trouble the Teacher." But when Jesus heard it, He answered him, saying, "Do not be afraid; only believe, and she will be made well." When He came into the house, He permitted no one to go in except Peter, James, and John, and the father and mother of the girl. Now all wept and mourned for her; but He said, "Do not weep; she is not dead, but sleeping." And they ridiculed Him, knowing that she was dead. But He put them all outside, took her by the hand and called, saying, "Little girl, arise." Then her spirit returned, and she arose immediately. And He commanded that she be given something to eat. And her parents were astonished, but He charged them to tell no one what had happened.

Sorry, Lady

-Ok Ok yall! I know this may be the death of decorum as we all know it - but I cant help it! I miss this girl, yall! Let me get my Taylor Swift and Adele on!!!!

Sorry to the lady whose car I hit, and my extended apologies go to your dog (who subsequently barked vociferously at me) and your friend in the passenger seat.

I just couldnt get out of my stupor in time enough to press my brakes!

My Early Fall Seance in En Dor! (Muncaster Mill Rd)

--------------------/Bee-yaan--ca, Freak it - Bianca! You Made Me Crash My Car in Endor


Bianca,
when you died (left DC) everyone lamented, buried your memories in Ramah
(St. Anthony's) and I banished (or at least tried) all mediums
and spiritists, parlayers of superstitious improbable fates
-hearsay, whether beneficial or harmful
from the land; a clean severance so I could attempt to heal
But after awhile those pernicious Philistines,
with harrowing armies of detractions, and emotive foreboding musings
of being alone forever
of some other hotshot Christian guy wooing you
of never being allowed the opportunity to see you reciprocate
my yearnings;
the ecstasy of staring into your light eyes again
in a simple house – of our affections for one another
gathered together, torturing my mind and encamped at Shunem
(the city of my vulnerability, my last bastion of hope)
and
I was afraid, my heart trembled greatly
I called out – what about Bianca? I want her so badly
but no one listened, my dreams even shunning me
and so I enquired of my thoughts – brashness, impetuosity
like two guardsman to support me and
ran to En Dor, the town for the dejected and desperate
residents of perceived folly and mysterious sanctimony
of nebula – seeking a sign. Hardened yet remorseful
on the outskirts of the kingdom of sanity once exiled
and I illicitly (since I should have just let you depart
from my mind in peace)
begged the medium of my forlornness there
to bring you back, even if for a time because
I couldnt bear to be without you
for even a séance of my last impression of you
is better than the dearth of your presence at all times

and (when I was driving the other day) I saw you
in a vision, you conjured up
as if a phantom coming from the ground:
"I am deeply distressed and abandoned," I said.
"Therefore I have called you,
that you may reveal to me what I should do"
please, baby....
and you chastised me confirming my suspicions that love
has abandoned me
and Israel,
the kingdom of my optimism for winning you over,
soon would be handed to some other guy – [your boyfriend]
because of my disobedience to love –
of trying to coerce and rush ardor and amity
of impatience
of not permitting you to do ministry in another state without
bumbling romantic overtures
and that I would indeed be a victim to the Philistines,
on Muncaster Mill Road; and
I fell full length on the ground
dreadfully afraid

[and I did crash my car]


------1 Samuel 28:3-25

Now Samuel had died, and all Israel had lamented for him and buried him in Ramah, in his own city. And Saul had put the mediums and the spiritists out of the land. Then the Philistines gathered together, and came and encamped at Shunem. So Saul gathered all Israel together, and they encamped at Gilboa. When Saul saw the army of the Philistines, he was afraid, and his heart trembled greatly. And when Saul inquired of the LORD, the LORD did not answer him, either by dreams or by Urim or by the prophets. Then Saul said to his servants, “Find me a woman who is a medium, that I may go to her and inquire of her." And his servants said to him, "In fact, there is a woman who is a medium at En Dor." So Saul disguised himself and put on other clothes, and he went, and two men with him; and they came to the woman by night. And he said, "Please conduct a seance for me, and bring up for me the one I shall name to you." Then the woman said to him, "Look, you know what Saul has done, how he has cut off the mediums and the spiritists from the land. Why then do you lay a snare for my life, to cause me to die?" And Saul swore to her by the LORD, saying, "As the LORD lives, no punishment shall come upon you for this thing." Then the woman said, "Whom shall I bring up for you?" And he said, "Bring up Samuel for me." When the woman saw Samuel, she cried out with a loud voice. And the woman spoke to Saul, saying, "Why have you deceived me? For you are Saul!" And the king said to her, “Do not be afraid. What did you see?” And the woman said to Saul, "I saw a spirit ascending out of the earth.” So he said to her, "What is his form?" And she said, "An old man is coming up, and he is covered with a mantle." And Saul perceived that it was Samuel, and he stooped with his face to the ground and bowed down. Now Samuel said to Saul, "Why have you disturbed me by bringing me up?" And Saul answered, “I am deeply distressed; for the Philistines make war against me, and God has departed from me and does not answer me anymore, neither by prophets nor by dreams. Therefore I have called you, that you may reveal to me what I should do." Then Samuel said: "So why do you ask me, seeing the LORD has departed from you and has become your enemy? And the LORD has done for Himself as He spoke by me. For the LORD has torn the kingdom out of your hand and given it to your neighbor, David. Because you did not obey the voice of the LORD nor execute His fierce wrath upon Amalek, therefore the LORD has done this thing to you this day. Moreover the LORD will also deliver Israel with you into the hand of the Philistines. And tomorrow you and your sons will be with me. The LORD will also deliver the army of Israel into the hand of the Philistines." Immediately Saul fell full length on the ground, and was dreadfully afraid because of the words of Samuel. And there was no strength in him, for he had eaten no food all day or all night. And the woman came to Saul and saw that he was severely troubled, and said to him, "Look, your maidservant has obeyed your voice, and I have put my life in my hands and heeded the words which you spoke to me. Now therefore, please, heed also the voice of your maidservant, and let me set a piece of bread before you; and eat, that you may have strength when you go on your way." But he refused and said, "I will not eat." So his servants, together with the woman, urged him; and he heeded their voice. Then he arose from the ground and sat on the bed. Now the woman had a fatted calf in the house, and she hastened to kill it. And she took flour and kneaded it, and baked unleavened bread from it. So she brought it before Saul and his servants, and they ate. Then they rose and went away that night.

"I guess in Gehenna, there are no crowns for virtuous living"

"Think not, Percy,
To share with me in glory anymore.
Two stars keep not their motion in one sphere."
-Henry IV, Part 1

------------/The Other Brother, Not Prodigal: A Speech


I sleep
on pillows of rumors that share with me
salacious stories of squandered
chances reconstituted, willful sacrilege
and deplorable betrayal polished and glorified
before men
The moon that peers down into my windows
gatekeeper for nighttime chills
of disenchanted discontent for dastardly deeds
shivering, but not from the cold, from anger
each star in the sinister sky is an shameful soldier saluting
misdeeds
illumining waywardness to blind the eyes
of those seeking justice
clenching my fists in my hands seething
that the sun never came
.....that the sun never came
(I always yearned for grandiose garnishments
and servants in garish robes sincere
in their salutations. But years pass as I labor in the field
my fear is that my dreams will surreptitiously sneak off
and withered
I'll die a lonely man with no wife
or kin to carry on my sordid heritage
its always the ones closest that hurt you the most
and embody your innermost worries and phobias
that you were
and always will be
unappreciated
the fatted calf slaughtered
the slave not the master: the monotonous moron
wearing patience thin
the man full of malady fasting while others feast
on cruelty
on bitter irony)
prostitutes, and fermented grain like potions
that's what I'd really like
anything to assuage this acerbic atrophying
of my heart – wilting because I did not leave
and bow down to the false gods of loose living
I was always here, dad,
always here
I guess in Gehenna, there are no crowns
for virtuous living


"'My son,' the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours". – Luke 15:28-31

Kreayshawn, I Need You Baby. Save Me

------Kreayshawn: A Family In Need

Seeking, searching in the searing sun
Sweating through soaked satchels and robes
made of sheep, salivating
I hear echoes of a voice standing out above
the usual malarkey
(of foolish girls who toy with my emotions)

I am
a mother (of romance)
with two twin boys – affection and affirmation
whining

and we have seen mirages on hillsides before
in our dearth and depravity
and bird dung has splattered our faces before
looking up
ambitious
for change, the sun without the clouds
relationships without caveats
love
without irony

[truly digging white girls with mad tats]

my family has to eat, Kreayshawn
our hearts are sick (of being alone – 10 years and counting)
and I swear this forlornness, though in the company of hot babes
feels like a remote place
and, Ive been seeking in earnest for sustenance since 2007
"it's already getting late"
the poverty of my depression yields no gain in the marketplace
of dating to buy anything worthwhile

When you rap, I don't just listen passively:
Gucci Gucci, as you shout out to V-Nasty
your lyrics are food,
to my twins
five loaves of bread (smooches) and two fish (of backrubs)
and only enlarge my desire for satiation
and my physical attraction
so I run and gather 5,000
of my fellow deepest needs, and sit them before you



(listening to your voice like my life depends on your healing
MARRY ME, KREAYSHAWN, YOU CUTIE!!! YOU DA YOU DA BEST!!! ALLOW ME TO BE AN HONORARY MEMBER OF YOUR WHITE GIRL MOB!!!!! @JESUSMETAPHOR!!!

OooHHHH YEEEAAAAHHHH!)


------------Matthew 14:13-21
When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Hearing of this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns. When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick. As evening approached, the disciples came to him and said, "This is a remote place, and it's already getting late. Send the crowds away, so they can go to the villages and buy themselves some food." Jesus replied, "They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat." "We have here only five loaves of bread and two fish," they answered. "Bring them here to me," he said. And he directed the people to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the people. They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over. The number of those who ate was about five thousand men, besides women and children.

Cyrus (with the sexy long nose)

--------------/Cyrus


Your green eyes, when we met
felt like
an alliance with Darius the Mede
Babylon was yours in 539 BC

Shattered watchtowers, amalgams of brick, mortar
scattered vestiges of dreams
the pride of a nation, emotions of my heart
collapsed
beneath the tyranny of battering rams of girls' cruelty
Nebuchadnezzar
spinning flaming torches tossed high
the burning of my ex girlfriend’s words
“Im glad Im with you now, because now I know what
I don’t want in my husband” conflagration soot thick black smoke
Men sobbing aloud, women wailing mute
children petrified, my innocence
drug off in chains
cannibalism of hope

But your buxom breasts became my emancipation
your long nose my deference
notwithstanding your shiftiness
or a nation's naiveté’
Gentile benefactor to Jew
kindness and flattery like a letter of assent sent
fondly forth for me - your Nehemiah
rebuilding the faith I used to have
the wall of my desire

reconstructing the second temple of love
I can throw my chains in the past aimed at old paradigms
wristlet and anklet shackles
and spit my bitter poison spittle on the path behind me
of the old regime of darkling optimism

I loved your emails, Jennifer
everything about you
why did you just ignore me and move away
I still want us to be together;

horses, cattle, sheep, goats, donkeys, camels


-------
This is what the LORD says to his anointed, to Cyrus, whose right hand I take hold of to subdue nations before him and to strip kings of their armor, to open doors before him so that gates will not be shut: I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name. For the sake of Jacob my servant, of Israel my chosen, I summon you by name and bestow on you a title of honor, though you do not acknowledge me. I am the LORD, and there is no other; apart from me there is no God. I will strengthen you, though you have not acknowledged me, so that from the rising of the sun to the place of its setting men may know there is none besides me. I am the LORD, and there is no other. I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the LORD, do all these things. "You heavens above, rain down righteousness; let the clouds shower it down. Let the earth open wide, let salvation spring up, let righteousness grow with it; I, the LORD, have created it (Isaiah 45:1-8)