A Tree of Lonely Figs

"'How do you know me?’ Nathanael asked?"

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=701111639675
* dedicated to 'MS'
* dedicated to The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus "Misery Loves Its Company"

--------------------------[Desiccated Roots; Jesus' Words To Nathanael]


I know what you were thinking
enveloped by tree shade
your life is coming into its own
chores awaiting (and bland monotony when they're done)
wistful musing, youth dissipating
unstructured dreams, fate remanded back into the prison
of faithlessness you long since sentenced it to
a destiny unrefined....identity unclaimed
wishing, cogitating, sighing
brooding
your back against a tree robbed of its glory a descendant
of Eden lost
awaiting its liberation (so it can bear fruit regardless of season)
kindred souls parched
withering beneath the sun's thermal rays
and I know your heart is desperately waiting to be touched
waiting to be chosen and imbued with significance
so you wont have to be spurned anymore
(by scars of memories)
lonely no more, thirsty no more, brittle emotions
no more
You want to feel special, and be assured of love
for the first time in your life – embraced
for the first time in your life pursued
your eyes looked into directly
speaking before you spoke, the words you meant to say
understanding you, and with esteem
so you dont have to keep looking back to the past
regretfully
deep inside you ponder these things
....wondering if you would ever be noticed

(watered)


-----------------------------------John 1:45-48
Philip findeth Nathanael, and saith unto him, We have found him, of whom Moses in the law, and the prophets, wrote, Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph. And Nathanael said unto him, Can any good thing come out of Nazareth? Philip saith unto him, Come and see. Jesus saw Nathanael coming to him, and saith of him, Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom is no guile! Nathanael saith unto him, Whence knowest thou me? Jesus answered and said unto him, Before Philip called thee, when thou wast under the fig tree, I saw thee.


Misery Loves Its Company Lyrics---------------------
Listen close as we wait for a sound to go

It's true, we are
we are destined to fail
It's true, we are
we are destined to fail

There is a problem here with our society
The absence of my tears is my sobriety
I have a growing fear and you're not helping me
Am I the only one who realizes it's true?

Beat but I'm not broken
Guide me through with your hand
Lead with your words spoken
Show me how to listen

You're persecuting me, showing hypocrisy
I have a remedy for your insecurity
It's all the same, sadly, nobody works for free
Am I the only one who realizes it's true

Beat but I'm not broken
Guide me through with your hand
Lead with your words spoken
Show me how to listen

Let your light shine through me
Take this hate I can't release
Help me make the blind see
Misery loves its company

When I dream, I see dawn turn into dusk, into dusk

Beat but I'm not broken
Guide me through with your hand
Lead with your words spoken
Show me how to listen

Let your light shine through me
Take this hate I can't release
Help me make the blind see
Misery loves its company

It's true, we are
we are destined to fail
It's true, we are
we are destined to fail

The Shunammite Son

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=700154582625

"she went upstairs, laid him on the bed of the man of God, shut the door on him and went out"

-----------/The Shunammite Son: Reflections on Life, Death and Beyond/


Growing up, everyone smiled and made commendations
on how tall I’d gotten marveling
but I used to say each birthday brings me closer to death
and that aging just means Im dying
that I was fortunate for being chosen to live
when the odds favored the contrary
(but that’s sufficient enough)
life is like a wheat field – you stand idly by as others reap
all around you, while coming to terms with who you are
you place your hand on your sickle
attempting to settle in your prescribed role and harvest
the destiny you concocted for yourself yet cant quite fathom
until you realize (clumsily) you are the wheat someone else has harvested
and you are left to say your own benediction
as servants carry your ailing body off bellowing "my head, my head"
lifeless
they lay you on a bed that no anointed staff can alter
for your comfort
and your spirit is writhing migraines pleading for serenity
pleading for a second chance to make things right
permit you to choose another path – maybe for yourself
next time (and not your dad)
because the company around you is vexed
disillusioned by visions of grandeur for you now dead
until, miraculously, hope comes along
placing its mouth upon your mouth, and its eyes upon your eyes,
and hands upon your hands
waiting for you to sneeze seven times and open your eyes


(again)


--------2 Kings 4:18-37------------------------
And when the child was grown, it fell on a day, that he went out to his father to the reapers. And he said unto his father, My head, my head. And he said to a lad, Carry him to his mother. And when he had taken him, and brought him to his mother, he sat on her knees till noon, and then died. And she went up, and laid him on the bed of the man of God, and shut the door upon him, and went out. And she called unto her husband, and said, Send me, I pray thee, one of the young men, and one of the asses, that I may run to the man of God, and come again. And he said, Wherefore wilt thou go to him to day? it is neither new moon, nor sabbath. And she said, It shall be well. Then she saddled an ass, and said to her servant, Drive, and go forward; slack not thy riding for me, except I bid thee. So she went and came unto the man of God to mount Carmel. And it came to pass, when the man of God saw her afar off, that he said to Gehazi his servant, Behold, yonder is that Shunammite: Run now, I pray thee, to meet her, and say unto her, Is it well with thee? is it well with thy husband? is it well with the child? And she answered, It is well: And when she came to the man of God to the hill, she caught him by the feet: but Gehazi came near to thrust her away. And the man of God said, Let her alone; for her soul is vexed within her: and the LORD hath hid it from me, and hath not told me. Then she said, Did I desire a son of my lord? did I not say, Do not deceive me? Then he said to Gehazi, Gird up thy loins, and take my staff in thine hand, and go thy way: if thou meet any man, salute him not; and if any salute thee, answer him not again: and lay my staff upon the face of the child. And the mother of the child said, As the LORD liveth, and as thy soul liveth, I will not leave thee. And he arose, and followed her. And Gehazi passed on before them, and laid the staff upon the face of the child; but there was neither voice, nor hearing. Wherefore he went again to meet him, and told him, saying, The child is not awaked. And when Elisha was come into the house, behold, the child was dead, and laid upon his bed. He went in therefore, and shut the door upon them twain, and prayed unto the LORD. And he went up, and lay upon the child, and put his mouth upon his mouth, and his eyes upon his eyes, and his hands upon his hands: and stretched himself upon the child; and the flesh of the child waxed warm. Then he returned, and walked in the house to and fro; and went up, and stretched himself upon him: and the child sneezed seven times, and the child opened his eyes. And he called Gehazi, and said, Call this Shunammite. So he called her. And when she was come in unto him, he said, Take up thy son. Then she went in, and fell at his feet, and bowed herself to the ground, and took up her son, and went out.

My Babylon Babe (You Are Missed)

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=695888287315

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvnkAtWcKYg

* Dedicated to Paramore "Decode"
* Dedicated to ***i* ***


--------------------/Babylon Babe/

Why do you have to look at me like that?
Why do you look into my eyes and then abscond
forever
never to return, leaving longings in their seminal stages
unfulfilled
When we speak our souls never talk effusive with our words
focusing only on the mundane
when I want to tell you that "I think this could work"
that I could fall for you
(that I really already have)
and these types of feelings are generally episodic
which makes this so hard
why cant you stay with me?
this is suffering

my heart is like a city deserted
like a woman recently widowed shamed
weeping with no comfort
to address your memory in your stead is my
affliction and harsh labor
my hope has gone into exile
because fears of loneliness have become my master
yet again paranoia of being undesirable is at ease
the road to romance mourns
because there will be no betrothed walking together
speaking of the former times, so prosperous
(when you had more time)
no appointed feasts

I lament when I think of your focused attention
were you intentionally trying to harm me?
dabbling my emotions sardonically
all the while plotting to lay siege
to destroy me from the face of the earth, capturing all that I have
and taking it to your foreign land
while all that remains of my self esteem is rubble?
I was foolish to be so vulnerable
like it was 587 BC
you Babylon, and I...Jerusalem




--------------------------Lamentations 1:1-6
How deserted lies the city,
once so full of people!
How like a widow is she,
who once was great among the nations!
She who was queen among the provinces
has now become a slave.

Bitterly she weeps at night,
tears are upon her cheeks.
Among all her lovers
there is none to comfort her.
All her friends have betrayed her;
they have become her enemies.

After affliction and harsh labor,
Judah has gone into exile.
She dwells among the nations;
she finds no resting place.
All who pursue her have overtaken her
in the midst of her distress.

The roads to Zion mourn,
for no one comes to her appointed feasts.
All her gateways are desolate,
her priests groan,
her maidens grieve,
and she is in bitter anguish.

Her foes have become her masters;
her enemies are at ease.
The LORD has brought her grief
because of her many sins.
Her children have gone into exile,
captive before the foe.

All the splendor has departed
from the Daughter of Zion.
Her princes are like deer
that find no pasture;
in weakness they have fled
before the pursuer.


---------------Decode Lyrics

How can I decide on what's right?
When you're clouding up my mind
I can't win your losing fight all the time
Nor could I ever own what's mine
When you're always taking sides
But you won't take away my pride
No not this time
Not this time

How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well
How did we get here?
Well, I think I know

The truth is hiding in your eyes
And it's hanging on your tongue
Just boiling in my blood,
But you think that I can't see
What kind of man that you are
If you're a man at all

Well, I will figure this one out on my own
(I'm screaming "I love you so.")
On my own
(My thoughts you can't decode)

How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well, yeah
How did we get here?
Well, I think I know

Do you see what we've done?
We've gone and made such fools of ourselves
Do you see what we've done?
We've gone and made such fools of ourselves

Yeah, Yeah

How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well, yeah, yeah
How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well

I think I know
I think I know
There is something I see in you
It might kill me,
I want it to be true