* dedicated to Alesana "And They Call This Tragedy"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=scrpqC0TIC4
Secrets in the Confessional Booth.
Now, some of you may object to me divulging certain choice private matters that transpire inside the confessional booth between priest and lay person. However in my humble view, I think it wise to shed some light on the inner workings of this valuable sacrament, so perhaps some can appreciate the need for it in the Catholic church.
Anyhow, I went one Sunday to the confessional, my heart rife with exciting thoughts of Jennifer. You see, at that time she had a vise grip on me that is very difficult to articulate; suffice it to say she was on my mind constantly. I made all of this known to the priest and some other personal matters relating to Jennifer that I had issue with, which out of respect for her privacy I can not share here. And herein lies the crux of the matter. The priest told me - "perhaps God has given you these feelings for Jennifer.." as he then went on to explain some other things in fuller details.
I have not forgotten what he told me, even to this day about one year later. Now look, I know she is probably engaged or married to some other guy she told me about, (in another context which again, I can not share here) but I guess the reason I have an urge to write a poem about her again after all these months is that she still has this lingering yet deeply profound effect on me.
Its been about a year - Im not saying Im still hung up on her, because I am still actively looking for a woman to be with - and I feel perhaps she changed me for the better. The pain of her rejection is what drives me to improve, it is a thorn in my flesh that keeps me humble and governs my pride. She is the reason I have long hair now, whereas before she hurt me I kept it short. She made me cry after about 6 years of not crying. Even from afar, as Im typing this, she still reminds me that perhaps the beauty in certain women is not for the taking...just for admiring and respecting.
Jennifer, wherever you are I want you to know I admire you and what you have done for me, even if we didnt really get to know each other at any great lengths. You are my proxy strength, the girl who gives me the power I need when I dont have any left.
Thank you.
//////////////////////////
they said to one another, “Come, let us make bricks and bake them thoroughly
--------[Jennifer, lets build a tower touching the stars -together]
Our e-mails were one language and one speech;
intrigue
when we had lunch, it was a plain
in Shinar
...everytime I looked at you my heart said secretly
"ambition"
"with her you can do anything"
just to know you was upheaval - a journey from west to east
shifting paradigms like shifting sands on my feet
walking in the hot sun
oblivious to the searing heat and cloudless skies
love was a lifeless stone that at once began moving
in my hands
with my unadulterated happiness as asphalt for mortar
holding everything together
before that I was cynical fearing the scattering of dreams
Jennifer, you are probably the most beautiful girl I have ever known
my desire for you
was a tower whose tip furrowed into heaven
making me unstoppable
I imagined us married and walking down aisles made of
silver
your diamonds, encased in gold boxes
When you rejected me
it was if the sky changed black
(fierce winds blew)
and stone after stone came down tumbling
my hopes
my joys
my security
my tears were scattered like my dreams
and I stopped building
and I stopped caring
I no longer understood
your speech or your language
we both started babbling
and ran off without looking back
(AND IVE NEVER STOPPED MISSING YOU SINCE)
--------------------------------
[Genesis 11:1-9 NKJV]
The Tower of Babel
Now the whole earth had one language and one speech. And it came to pass, as they journeyed from the east, that they found a plain in the land of Shinar, and they dwelt there. Then they said to one another, “Come, let us make bricks and bake them thoroughly.” They had brick for stone, and they had asphalt for mortar. And they said, “Come, let us build ourselves a city, and a tower whose top is in the heavens; let us make a name for ourselves, lest we be scattered abroad over the face of the whole earth.” But the LORD came down to see the city and the tower which the sons of men had built. And the LORD said, “Indeed the people are one and they all have one language, and this is what they begin to do; now nothing that they propose to do will be withheld from them. Come, let Us go down and there confuse their language, that they may not understand one another’s speech.” So the LORD scattered them abroad from there over the face of all the earth, and they ceased building the city. Therefore its name is called Babel, because there the LORD confused the language of all the earth; and from there the LORD scattered them abroad over the face of all the earth.
[Letters of St. Jerome --- Letter 22 To Eustochium]
You must never let suggestions of evil grow on you, or a babel of disorder win strength in your breast. Slay the enemy while he is small; and, that you may not have a crop of tares, nip the evil in the bud. Bear in mind the warning words of the Psalmist: Hapless daughter of Babylon, happy shall he be that rewards you as you have served us. Happy shall he be that takes and dashes your little ones against the stones. Because natural heat inevitably kindles in a man sensual passion, he is praised and accounted happy who, when foul suggestions arise in his mind, gives them no quarter, but dashes them instantly against the rock. Now the Rock is Christ. 1 Corinthians 10:4
